Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-06-2010, 06:57 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by alexi View Post
His idea was that his proposal will strengthen our bonds as intimate couples for a long time. I now wonder if he was really serious.... the wives are non-committal though.

He has good looks and claims he had earlier fathered a cute baby girl for a childless couple about 3 yrs ago.

I'm sorry, I feel like puking !

A child is a living creature/human being ! They are not tools for others to use to manipulate their own personal lives and agendas !

Now, beyond the pure disgust, the future is uncertain enough for any family to think long and hard about what raising a child involves in the way of sacrifice.

I just could not fathom this - I'm sorry.

Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2010, 10:04 PM
Livingmybestlife Livingmybestlife is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 146

I have to second what Redpepper says. I think it would also cause awkwardness in living arrangements. It would be hard I would think on the father of the child not to want to be with it. Especially, the first one.

While I was very very lucky, my child was a very easy baby. Didn't cry unless it was pooping. My child might cry with others, as long as I was holding my child no crying.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2010, 03:49 AM
alexi alexi is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Aukland
Posts: 42

I thank everyone of you for your very kind and thought provoking replies to my dilemma. This removed my confusion.

Infact we four discussed your replies amongst ourselves and all of us very convincingly decided not to have kids atleast for the time being.

Thank you
Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2010, 08:23 AM
geminigirl's Avatar
geminigirl geminigirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Victoria, BC
Posts: 111

This is a risky proposition, on many levels.

1. Legal: depending on where you live, you run the risk of ostracizing your families, your children and your community to outright losing legal custody of your children. Please check the family law in your country or state before even thinking about getting pregnant.

2. Emotional: Adults have feelings and, more importantly, children have feelings. Adults may well decide to part ways and if parenthood is mingled, children will suffer due to separation. Please remember that as adults, we can choose whether or not to have kids but kids don't get to choose what family they're born into. Making a solid commitment to create a loving home for children is a serious business, ethically and, in many places, legally.

3. Financial: if you split up, who will support the kids?

4. Practical: if you split up, where will the kids live? Who will take care of them?

As a single and successfully poly mother of two kids, I'm not just talking out of my a** here. Please do some serious research before you commit to caring for dependent human beings for 18 years or more!
Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2010, 04:29 PM
Lemondrop's Avatar
Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 305

Oh boy...

Have you considered? What happens when a monogamous marriage says, "We aren't committed enough so we will have a baby to fix that"? I have never heard of this ending well. If you can't reinforce your relationship bonds without having kids, then your relationship can't be fixed, bubba. Kids put an all new stress on relationships that require strong bonds to begin with.

I've read a lot a lot a lot of relationship self-help books--not a ONE said "have a baby!". Most of the silly things said, spend time together and talk.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2010, 07:01 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,130

Just going to emphasize some good points made earlier:

1. Children are human beings, not pawns. Using them as such is selfish and irresponsible.

2. Babies strain relationships. They never bring a couple closer together unless the couple has full-time nannies, allowing them to parent by proxy.

If you want to strengthen your bond, plan activities together, have intimate conversations, plan the future.

Heck, if you want to go this route, why not have a big 4-some whenever the women are ovulating, kind of like russian-roulette pregnancy? Then the kids can just grow up never knowing who their biological father is, but all the 4 parents can raise all the kids as their own. Oh right, because that's a really stupid idea.
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Reply With Quote

child raising, children, family, kids

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 06:31 AM.