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Old 07-21-2010, 03:18 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

I agree with handholding. Its a big thing for me.
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Old 07-21-2010, 05:18 PM
Confused Confused is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 158

I spent a really lovely time the other evening under orders to massage my husband's feet.
I was so happy. I love that kind of touching, really being able to explore a part of him in such detail.
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Old 07-22-2010, 05:07 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 727

Love touching- very tactile person...if I am into you I am touching you. Don't care who is watching! Cranky MG if she can't touch her love!!
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:07 AM
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lamnidae lamnidae is offline
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 20
Default touch in my triad

I think my little triad follows the rule of being in the other person's shoes. We are all comfortable kissing, hand holding, hugging, snuggling in each others' presence, but we are also aware of the headspace that the other member is in. i.e. If R had a shit day, he may not necessarily feel up to seeing me kiss and cuddle L. He may need to be the center of some snuggle. We save the really in tune, 1 to 1 contact for date nights. I will say though that this issue became much easier once we identified that the underlying feeling of discomfort in watching physical contact was often one of feeling left out or 3rd wheel-ish. We did alot of processing about if that is a true assessment of the situation, or if the reality is that sometimes 2 people need/want to share a cuddle or kiss... and we all value and respect the individual relationships present, so we accept it and appreciate the beauty of being allowed to see the physical evidence of what people feel for each other.

R tends to be a very, very, very snuggly person. He wants to cuddle as often as allowed, and likes to sleep fully draped over someone if allowed to. L is less inclined to snuggle or be touchy feely. In fact, because of this I find that when she does reach out for physical contact it feels very sincere and intimate because it is not an every 2 second thing. I tend to hate excessive physical contact. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I have a mental block that it feels controlling. I like to kiss my partners when I greet them, I like a hand to hold when I'm crying, and I like some post sex intimacy. But, not a fan of 8 hours of spooning and hug fests. Just not my thing. So, we do alot of negotiating with the different touch tolerances in our group.

And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair
- Kahlil Gibran
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Old 10-08-2010, 12:58 AM
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MTmozat MTmozat is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 17

You know, for me, my wife and B we love to touch a lot and there is really no boundaries to touch unless we're under stress or something bad has happened to us, or tired etc. Other than that we really don't mind when one of us touches each other unexpectedly because it turns us on and most importantly, makes us feel wanted. It's what keeps us connected.
Too sexually explicit to explain.
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Old 10-08-2010, 01:07 AM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 833

I'm touchy feeling, Breathes is too.

Possibility isn't as touchy but is good with my touching him.

I've discovered over the last month that my need to touch & be touched is very deep seated. When I don't get my touching in I get cranky. In fact when we found out I was going back to days Breathes said "the Cranky Bitch can go away now!" lol
There are as many ways to do polyamory as there are people practicing it!
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Old 10-08-2010, 03:25 AM
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ray ray is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 819

I love being touched. It's actually my secondary love language, the first being quality time. I'm kind of picky though, I can get pretty upset if I haven't given some one a green light to come into my personal space and they do anyway. Figuring out touch relationships in our V has been a little challenging. Generally, O and I can cuddle and give hello/goodbye kisses when we're all together. O and A tend to touch a lot more when we're all together and sometimes I feel a little left out. But that has to do with me having a hard time initiating. We talked about it and O said I can feel free to cuddle and what not while we're all together but sometimes I just get so nervous that I'll upset A. Not because A would be likely to be upset, I just come from a dysfunctional family that was emotionally abusive. O and A are pretty relaxed, they're difficult to rile up. One reason I like them so much.
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Old 10-09-2010, 02:19 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

We're (k-mate) both the type to be touch-feely and it's an interesting thing to us that we have to restrain ourselves from our basic nature with people - especially at first. I think it's because we're both 'givers' more than receivers (which makes for an interesting dynamic between us !).
It seems, from what we've experienced, that almost everyone is ready and even needing, a good, genuine, non-threatening hug ! One that you hold for a minute - not just the guarded quickie type. Male or female-no matter.

But what saddens us - especially me - is that there are so many people carrying so much fear around. Fear of intimacy, fear of vulnerability if the shell should develop a crack etc. It's sad.

I see the exchange of energy as a positive thing, but maybe because I have enough to spare ? From that closeness, where I can actually feel you, I learn much and it helps guide me towards what you need most. And I guess it's just a fact that there are really people who'd prefer I don't have that inner knowledge of them. I respect that - but do find it sad. In fact, if I think about it, I'm probably more guarded about my own ......needs.... so by default become a hypocrite? It's the giver thing. I don't want anything from anyone until I determine they have sufficient excess themself to share. If I determine that - the interaction will take whatever direction seems appropriate.

So in regards to how either of us would feel about each other's interaction with anyone else, we're both operating from this understanding. "Give what's needed - don't hold back - except in situations where it would be dangerous - or to mislead. And sometimes we even fail that test and have to do a course correction with others.

Anyway.....that's just us........

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cuddles, intimacy, love languages, sex, touch, touching

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