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  #31  
Old 09-29-2010, 07:47 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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When I was having sex for sport-it was just that. BUT-it was possible for me to have sex for sport with one person and make love to another......

And I have no issue now with making love.

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  #32  
Old 09-29-2010, 10:12 PM
anotherbo anotherbo is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I have known swingers to try and make me feel special. Now I am realizing it was false and all because they wanted to fuck me. I don't know if it was lies, but I don't trust men now when they complement me. It goes back to my thinking its a pathetic attempt to get laid and not that they admire me. We talked about it once before on here. I said I find men like that pathetic and got some shit from people for saying so.

It goes back to only fucking and making love to those I love and I know love me. That way no confusion and no damage. I got very confused before and thought all men loved me. not true but swinging can cause that illusion it turns out.
Man, I used to be one of these pathetic types, when I was a young guy, and I just cringe when I look back on those days now. For me it came down to just plain not valuing women for much except sex, and feeling justified somehow in deceiving them about my feelings and intentions to get it. But I never felt comfortable with the aftereffects of being such a prick in this way.

Your last paragraph really resonates with me these days; I don't want anybody in my bed unless I'm damn sure we both want to be there. That at the minimum we really relate to, and know each other, well.
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  #33  
Old 10-06-2010, 01:44 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
You are right...I know you are right. I just can't "feel" that you are right. I need to learn to detatch sex from love.
Why? There is no reason why you should become a swinger. The only thing you need to do is accept and recognise the fact that some people are able to detach the two. That doesn't mean you have to. Understanding that other people work in a different way from the way you work is often the one thing that will help the most.
Accepting that they can do it doesn't mean you have to feel they're right and you're wrong, either. Just that people are different and what works for some doesn't work for others.
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  #34  
Old 10-06-2010, 03:51 AM
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spaghetticat spaghetticat is offline
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I haven't read the whole thread yet, but I do know some people online who are swingers. I had thought about it briefly, but honestly i just get way to close to people even as friends to be able to do something so personal such as having sex with someone who I didn't care about.

Its hard for me to understand people who can detach their feelings, but at the same time if it makes them happy then I am happy for them ykwim? I know personally I am a VERY emotional person. It has its ups and its downs but that is who I am.

With that being said I am curious about doing some things- not nec. swinging, but say- having sex in a room where another couple or more are having sex, or just going somewhere and doing something public (exhibitionist traits I guess, I don't know lol) with one of my guys. But then again these are men who I care for deeply..

I can totally see your point of view but at the same token it doesn't gross me out or repel me, I think when I first heard about it, it did- I get super freaked out about catching things and wondered if they had anything, or how would that work if one partner caught something and then they both got it blahblahblah idk.. but i did have one friend who opened up about it, and it made me understand a little bit.

She said its kind of like going to a strip club- it can be totally hot and get you revved up to go home to your partner(s) but isn't the be all or end all.
She also said they only "swung" like once a month if that and they didn't need anymore and they had a lot of rules attached to make sure all were comfortable.. I dont remember them all but I think some were like, when you come I want you to look at me, if either of us get uncomfortable the play date stops and its over, there was a lot so it seemed like they had set it up to enhance their relationship instead of take away, and for me that is what poly does- it enhances my relationships in a different way of course, so if that makes them happy then more power to them!

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  #35  
Old 10-08-2010, 06:05 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Default I've figured it out!

Redpepper was invited to a halloween party by a friend who used to swing. She asked me if I wanted to go and thinking very quickly I said "No, but I will babysit so you and Polynerdist can go!"

So if Redpepper didn't have another partner I might feel guilted into going to something that I really didn't want to. How's that for a benefit of poly

To be honest, when she asked me why I didn't want to go I promptly stated "Cause I am a judgmental son of a bitch". Acceptance is very freeing for me it seems.
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 10-08-2010 at 01:38 PM.
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  #36  
Old 10-08-2010, 12:29 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
"Cause I am judgmental son of a bitch". Acceptance is very freeing for me it seems.
Go, you!
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  #37  
Old 10-08-2010, 03:54 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Redpepper was invited to a halloween party by a friend who used to swing. She asked me if I wanted to go and thinking very quickly I said "No, but I will babysit so you and Polynerdist can go!"

So if Redpepper didn't have another partner I might feel guilted into going to something that I really didn't want to. How's that for a benefit of poly

To be honest, when she asked me why I didn't want to go I promptly stated "Cause I am a judgmental son of a bitch". Acceptance is very freeing for me it seems.
LMAO! I know that feeling of relief. LOL. Way to find the benefits of mono/poly. Thanks for the giggle today!
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  #38  
Old 10-08-2010, 05:28 PM
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:Thanks for the giggle today!
And to think I didn't even have to take my clothes of to get a chuckle..who would have thought
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  #39  
Old 10-08-2010, 07:28 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Redpepper was invited to a halloween party by a friend who used to swing. She asked me if I wanted to go and thinking very quickly I said "No, but I will babysit so you and Polynerdist can go!"

So if Redpepper didn't have another partner I might feel guilted into going to something that I really didn't want to. How's that for a benefit of poly

To be honest, when she asked me why I didn't want to go I promptly stated "Cause I am a judgmental son of a bitch". Acceptance is very freeing for me it seems.
Awesome.
I enjoy those moments too-when one of the guys wants to do something that I really don't care to, but I know my sister will-I think "THANK GOD for poly-family!"
(Like GG who wants to visit New Orleans. I would be happiest if I never saw the place ever again!)
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  #40  
Old 10-08-2010, 09:24 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Hey Mon,

See I'm late coming to this thread so if I repeat anything others have brought up - sorry pal.

I think it's normal to form 'associations' with certain terms based on what we know and/or what we've experienced. At least you have been honest with yourself about your own association.

But it's words. Nothing more. The trick is to break the association - because you might be avoiding some very wonderful people purely out of word association.

Like polys, monos, or humans in any culture (race etc), there's good and bad everywhere. As someone who has dabbled some in what some would call 'swinging' in the past, I can only tell you that the spectrum is as broad as any other. It's why I have raised eyebrows here at times at those that wanted an unlimited condemnation of anyone with any association. As you probably heard me mention, it's surprising the number of labeled 'swingers' that really are looking for poly partners and aren't aware of the lovestyle at all.

So I'd suggest if you want to continue to paint with the broad brush you just accept that you could be painting some wonderful, loving people out of your life. It's one choice - nothing more.

GS
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