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  #11  
Old 10-07-2010, 07:29 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
One suite each, with your personal belongings there, and your personal space, and the ability to be alone or invite whoever you want into it (well, you'll make your own rules and decide). And a shared space that is for all of you.
I bet redpepper would totally die to have that kind of arrangement.
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  #12  
Old 10-07-2010, 07:33 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I bet redpepper would totally die to have that kind of arrangement.
I'd still want a full seperate suite with kitchen and all that but it is very close Actually it wouldn't be ideal for me at all now that I think about it but it is a nice thing to each have thier own bathroom a tri-plex or quad-plex would be ideal.
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 10-07-2010 at 07:40 PM.
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  #13  
Old 10-07-2010, 07:47 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I'd still want a full seperate suite with kitchen and all that but it is very close Actually it wouldn't be ideal for me at all now that I think about it but it is a nice thing to each have thier own bathroom a tri-plex or quad-plex would be ideal.
Then would an arrangement similar the one in Sister Wives be your ideal? One big house that's basically three "apartments", with each their own kitchen, bathrooms, etc.

As for me, I'd want a shared living room and a shared kitchen, for sure. But a room for each person that could be a living room, office, bedroom or anything like that. And having your own bathroom would definitely be really great.
I guess in a way, my ideal place is a bit like a dorm... Well I'm not sure if you know the kind of dorm I mean... The place opens onto a shared space, then there are doors that each lead to an "apartment", except the apartment doesn't have a kitchen has the kitchen is shared. There is a shared living room with couch, TV and so on, but a smaller living area in each apartment as well.
I think something like that could work really nice. If one wants to be alone, one goes to their private area. And people in the public one are saying "I'm feeling like being in your company".

I guess I'm not sure exactly how much area I'd want individually and how much I'd want shared. It seems interesting enough to be its own topic, though. Although I guess we are still on topic here, somewhat?
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  #14  
Old 10-07-2010, 07:51 PM
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Then would an arrangement similar the one in Sister Wives be your ideal? One big house that's basically three "apartments", with each their own kitchen, bathrooms, etc.
Bingo, and that is pretty much what I will have by the end of this month I wouldn't want to share that much space as in being a room mate, I like my isolation too much. I'm pretty happy with our arrangement although it could be better with respect to privacy for Redpepper and access to her room.

Sorry for the hi-jack...
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  #15  
Old 10-07-2010, 08:24 PM
Propast Propast is offline
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Other than some adjustments for your comfort to make, this looks like a good thing for you all. Some thoughts:

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Originally Posted by notalwaysez View Post
One of the things I am noticing about myself, is after 3 or 4 days of her being here - I am missing mine and my partner's impromptu private moments and I start emotionally shutting down. I don't like this about me.

yet - the other night, my partner in bed with me, NM in her own bed - he reached for me in this private intimate way he and I share - and I withdrew, for I knew - it was no longer a private situation. NM was there, in the room.

That does sound a little tough, I can see why you worry. The feeling of always being observed? Never having completely 'private' space with your partner? I also get a little edgy when I'm around our 3rd too many days in a row, just because I don't feel I can get my regular mental downtime. I can also imagine the loss of those shared partner moments is hard.

Respect that, make sure you build in space. It isn't 'rejecting' of anyone, just an acknowledgement of the needs. Maybe just schedule in evenings when one person will be away and you have the house to yourself? That works for us to openly schedule our needed times together and apart. Or Neon's popular one:

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
You each get your own suite, and the fourth suite belongs to the three of you collectively.
Three friend of mine did nearly exactly this and it was quite successful. Of course they weren't 'master suites', just small bedrooms. Therefore each had private space for their stuff and their private moments and if they wanted to sleep alone. Anyone wanted to sleep together or *ahem* 'cuddle' would sleep in the shared room. Generally two of them stuck to the shared room and the third would join or leave as she saw fit, but it could fluctuate however everyone felt.

It sounds like this isn't what you really want though, at the moment you and your partner want to stay together in the same bed all the time? Still, might be good idea to set it up as described above and establish the precedent that it's totally fine for anyone to shelter in their private space - someday when you decide it sounds like a nice idea, it's there for you.
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  #16  
Old 10-07-2010, 10:28 PM
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Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
I bet redpepper would totally die to have that kind of arrangement.
Yes please. I have my own room now and that's a start. Still working towards my dream.
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  #17  
Old 10-08-2010, 01:03 AM
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Honestheart Honestheart is offline
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this experience i delve from my last poly relationship no longer active so forgive me....
I have lived with a poly boyfriend and his wife for a temporary time due to loss of home and lack of finances for half a year... he and i were involved and not she and i, a "v" with him being the bottom and she and i the hinges (i think i got those terms right? LOL) anyways ...I found a huge difference in the way i was with him then when with him and her.... i just found that really.....
it was just so much F-ing easier to have impromptu intimacies between us when was nobody but us around. and it is not cus i didnt enjoy havign her around,not cus i didn't like living with her, not cus i wanted him all to myself...not at all! but just...its so much easier to well bang the gong (sorry, im listening to that song as we speak...) when there isn't sumbody in the room .... least fer me.
i just enjoy my privacy. i crave the company of my loved ones, i loved the blended family but... after i moved out...i realized i also like..forgive me fer saying...just laying on the sofa in my lingerie watching tv in the evening b4 bed and then having my boyfriend drop by unexpectedly for a visit and just stroll right on in and find me and well..erhem.... nuff said ;-) anyways....
i have often wondered how after having tasted a relationship while in my own place how to keep that barrier of privacy and intimacy i enjoy while living alone and dating while moving forward to the goal of moving back in again and living all under same roof<--referring to any future relationships btw.
the only solution that seemed to make sense was separate rooms...hell a granny suite actually. a way for me to be a part of their home and life, but still have my own space if i needed it...and my own bedroom for me and my bf... and most importantly..... a room for my bf and his other significant other....so they can be alone too.
i think its important to share but also, have alone time too... you know? but that for me. everybody is different.
perhaps you are finding that, like me, you need that separation..that room of yer own, your time alone with each other in your own place while still sharing your lives under same roof.... ? if you are, there's nutting wrong with that. every relationship is different what works fer the goose doesn't necessarily work fer the gander, even in poly relationships! I'm sorry if i am wrong about what i said...
anyways i hope you work through this and feel better!
if i can leave on one note... keep the lines of communication WIDE open... you three chat it out, work thru this together... and i 'm sure u'll figure this out!
(((hugs)))))
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Last edited by Honestheart; 10-08-2010 at 01:06 AM.
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  #18  
Old 10-08-2010, 01:23 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Actually, he was the hinge, or pivot, and you were the arms/legs.
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  #19  
Old 10-08-2010, 11:42 PM
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calimero calimero is offline
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I read this post with great interest...and can I just say that in all my thinking about how we are going to make a poly relationship work, the loss of those private moments had not occured to me.

But a realisation did sink in when I read this that my DH would also be having private moments with the 3rd, or she would wonder why she was living with us.

So thank you.... I as yet can not offer any help, other than to say it is posts like this that make me realise that we will have a work in progress when we find someone that we both like to join us.
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  #20  
Old 10-08-2010, 11:55 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I just had to say, as a funny thought hit me. I would really kill to lose some private time right now. haha... funny realization looking at this as someone with an LDR. Appreciate the fact that you have these problems
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