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Old 10-07-2010, 10:12 PM
mouthcradle mouthcradle is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2010
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Default Monogamous+Polyamorous=Couple?

I live now for 3 years in a monogamous same-sex relationship. Probably from the first months I felt myself polyamorous. I felt attracted to other guys, but at that point of my life I even did not know that polyamory exists, so I pushed myself down and tried to work out my relationship with my partner. Obviously, my polyamory came bacl to me during the second year, when I started using webcam and phone for sex with other people. Sex with my partner was getting less and less interesting. My partner found out about my webcam and phone sex several times during the second and third year of our relationship, and of course all guilt was on me, I cheated on him, I took no responsibility for my actions, I did not care for his feelings and so on...From the first time I took guilt on myself and tried to conform to the rules of monogamy and rules of my partner...It never worked, on the contrary, I went to webcams again and again...and my partner was hurt again and again...until he lost his trust and even faith in my improvement...We had many strong discussions...I was even asked to leave him...But, first of all, I love him no matter what problems we have...Second of all, I have many other consequences of leaving him, which will put me in miserable position (one of them is that I am still dependent on him considering my stay in one of the EU countries - I am myself not from EU)...I told him about my open attitude towards relationships and my polyamourous inclinations...He thinks me careless and unthinking person and most important is that it is a proof that he is not dear to me if I want to do what I want first rather to take care of his feelings...

Oh, guys, I am really fed up of this situation. I really ask you for the advice - what can I do in this case when my partner does not accept my value on polyamory??? I tried to live according to monogamy even after I discovered I cannot live to it, and still he wants me to go on and try...otherwise I must leave him...

Thank you for attention.
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