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  #1  
Old 10-04-2010, 09:10 PM
LusciousLemon LusciousLemon is offline
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Default Meeting someone new ...

Okay, I'm really new to all of this. I've read up on threads, followed things, etc but never actually had a poly relationship.

I joined Poly Match Maker a bit ago and instantly saw this profile that just struck a chord with me. So I started IMing the guy the other day. This is only the 2nd day we've been able to chat and I'm pretty sure I'm falling for him. Does it usually go this fast?

We seem to have way too much in common and it's a tad unnerving. In a good way but ... I'm just not used to this. Just ... mostly trying to let the feelings out somewhere safe as my husband's at work right now so I can't talk to him.
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  #2  
Old 10-04-2010, 10:01 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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You can find me, Breathes_girl, over on PMM as well .

If you have the connection, or seem to, go for it. Take things as slow, or as fast, as you need to. Continue the communication with hubby. PM me here or poke/email me there if you like. I get email notifications both places & I do generally answer the emails/pokes fairly quickly.

Have fun . Life's too short not too.
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  #3  
Old 10-07-2010, 04:23 PM
LusciousLemon LusciousLemon is offline
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Default OMG and it just moves faster!

The guy that I mentioned in my previous post that I met on PMM is totally a Male Unicorn. He came over to hang out Tuesday afternoon at 5pm, no real plans we were just going to play things by ear. Well, he came over Tuesday at 5pm ... and didn't end up leaving until Wednesday night after 10pm.

We spent hours Tuesday evening just hanging out and talking, etc. I'd chatted with him but hubby hadn't so when we took a walk to the park I kinda left him and hubby to hang out while I spent time with my sons. They hit it off as quickly and easily as the new guy and I had (hubby is bi). He ended up spending the night with us that night and sleeping in our bed even (though no actual intercourse).

Now hubby and I are both totally smitten, hubby's usually my point of logic and sanity with things, I tend to lead with my emotions, but hubby's right there with me on this one. Normally this wouldn't be a huge deal to me, but this guy's been having trouble finding a job and his lease is up the end of this month. He was originally going to be moving back with his parents until he can get on his feet again, and that's still currently the plan but he already told us he now wants to find something down here and move back ASAP, where before he may have just stayed with his parents for a while.

When he told us this my first (unspoken) thought was "well, we've got a house". And when I talked to hubby about it later he said he thought the same thing. I feel like I'm crazy even thinking this, but on the other hand even though we just met this guy the thought of him being an hour and 40 minutes away (which makes us traveling to him an impossibility with our schedules) tears me up already. Hubby and I haven't said anything to him about this yet, we're still not even really sure what we're thinking with it. It's way early, but then we wonder "well, if he's going to be here all the time anyway (which is the indication from our interactions so far ) then why should he fight to find his own place?"

I know there's a zillion things that could go wrong, really I do, but it doesn't help that hubby and I basically met this same way. We met, (we'd been friends online though, but on meeting in person had just gone 3 months solid without any interaction due to a petty argument) and within days he was moving in to watch my son while I worked (I had just left my now ex-husband), and we've never been apart besides when it's been required of us in the 5 years since.

We're certainly going to give it a few more days, but actually talked last night about sometime in the next week or so just bringing the possibility up to him to just stay here. Someone talk me/us down before we do something crazy! Or I guess tell us we're not insane for following our feelings over the logical arguments. Everything I've read on here about NRE makes me even more nervous of this, but my feelings are telling me something, and usually that's for a reason.

I just feel like this right now:
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Old 10-07-2010, 06:36 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LusciousLemon View Post
Someone talk me/us down before we do something crazy! :
This is NRE....Don't do it. It historically goes to shit unless all of you really have your own independance. You need way more time before taking this step in my opinion. Let him stand on his own two feet as an adult, then you can look at such a move....you asked for it
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Old 10-07-2010, 07:11 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Give it some time. My husband lived in Canada, I lived in Europe. Due to that, in our relationship, we were either apart completely (in different continents) or living together. I've always regretted not having some time to date while living separately, but with the ability to meet up.
I think it's an important phase. It will be time to all live together later on, but if you start living together now, it will be much harder later on to decide to live apart so you get that too.
It's manageable, obviously, I'm still with my husband and we're happy, but I definitely wish things had been a little different. I think when we move, I'd like to have our separate spaces for that reason (but in the same house or apartment).

I think it will be good for him to fall back on his feet on his own, rather than have you support him financially and giving him a place. It will be better for him, and this way he'll never feel dependent on you, and like he can't leave or something.

So I would say, take it slowly. Be willing to have him over for a few days at a time, over a weekend, etc, but let him get his own place or stay with his parents until he's back on his feet and ready to move on.
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  #6  
Old 10-07-2010, 09:09 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
This is NRE....Don't do it. It historically goes to shit unless all of you really have your own independance. You need way more time before taking this step in my opinion. Let him stand on his own two feet as an adult, then you can look at such a move....you asked for it
Ditto...seriously...ditto
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  #7  
Old 10-07-2010, 10:29 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
This is NRE....Don't do it. It historically goes to shit unless all of you really have your own independance. You need way more time before taking this step in my opinion. Let him stand on his own two feet as an adult, then you can look at such a move....you asked for it
What Mono said...don't do it. You don't know enough about this guy yet!
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  #8  
Old 10-08-2010, 02:51 AM
nebillingscouple nebillingscouple is offline
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I would agree with the others that inviting him to move in so soon is bad juju. You know little about him, and he spent the night that soon. While hardly unheard of, right now I think you're both feeling a bit of infatuation. That is going to cloud your judgment, so take it slow and get to know him. You might find him spending an awful lot of time at the house, but you really need to learn who the person is behind everything to know how well (or how long) this might work out.

My wife and I are in a similar situation though, and when I can find a spare hour or six to chronicle our lives over the last several months, I'll toss my story in the ring as well to get some input and hopefully a little understanding of my own about what we've found ourselves in the middle of.
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Old 10-08-2010, 06:46 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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sorry, I actually thought you were joking for a sec!

I guess where I am coming from with a boyfriend moving in after 20 months of negotiating and waiting to see if he would fit our lives, our families life, NRE gone through... and the situation really being healthy for us, it just struck me as funny.

I guess it depends what you are wanting. He could be here for a good time, not a long time. Although chances are that if he is here for a good time, that will end in a really bad time. At least from what I have read by other stories on here, as well as in my community, of a rushed courtship into poly.
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