Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 10-05-2010, 07:26 PM
anotherbo anotherbo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Homer, Alaska
Posts: 133
Default

Man that's awesome to hear!
__________________
Anotherbo
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10-05-2010, 07:30 PM
jlpanian jlpanian is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 22
Default

Anotherbo,

I know! I was so releaved to hear my parents support in the idea. Its one less thing to worry about.

Thanks again for the support!
It means a lot.
JP
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 10-06-2010, 12:06 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

What exactly did you tell them? That you are looking for a Harem and going to have a one penis policy (OPP)? Geez, they are accepting!
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 10-07-2010, 01:12 AM
jlpanian jlpanian is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 22
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
What exactly did you tell them? That you are looking for a Harem and going to have a one penis policy (OPP)? Geez, they are accepting!
Ha! RP - I enjoy your feedback. I did not say those exact words, but the summarization of them pretty closely. My mother was mostly concerned with my wife, and at first she assumed that I was the one spearheading the initiative. My mother was very concerned that my wife was not getting taken advantage of. It took some re-assuring, but in the end she felt comfortable that it was something we both were looking for.

Its funny because everyone that i've talked to assumes that because I am the male, that it must be me brainwashing my wife into wanting something like this. Most don't believe that my wife was the one who came to me with the idea. I guess some woman (like most of us) are wired different than others. Probably why this forum exists.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 10-07-2010, 01:52 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,369
Default

So you are looking into a polyamorous relationship in which you would be poly and your wives would all be mono, is that it?
While it can definitely work, there is the chance that the women you would meet in our circles would be poly too, and not willing to be mono. Or mono, but already with someone (which brought them here in the first place). Still, good luck in your quest

I think the main difference between polyamory and polygamy is the law. polyamory is only about the relationships, polygamy is about marriages. From that, you're dealing with some legal problems as it's illegal, etc. In your case it would be polygyny, which is even more frowned upon as people assume the women are forced into it.
In my case, if I said I had two "husbands", people would be less likely to assume I'm forcing them (especially when they both happen to be 6'6" :P) and then if they talk with me more they'll learn that my partners are poly too - so while they're only in a relationship with me currently, the door is open to them having other partners as well.
And ideally we'd all live together at some point, although these things can be tricky of course.

I think because your situation is so close to the one that is often taking advantages of women, especially very young ones, it would be a bit harder for you. People would be more judgemental, and there are even legal risks. I hear even being married to just one person makes it illegal to live with another one as your spouse, even without a legal union.

But I also think shows like Sister Wives actually can show people that this type of situation exists between loving, consensual adults. And the more you hide, the less people will know it exists.

Either way, I wish you a lot of luck.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 10-07-2010, 02:26 AM
jlpanian jlpanian is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 22
Default

I hear you on that front. Which is why its hard for me to even associate what were looking for with the traditional frowned upon lifestyle. Its not about religion, its not about getting hooked up with young woman, its not even about the sex.

Its hard to say, but since I know you guys know what its like to want to share yourselves with more than one person, you understand that part. To answer why my wife wants to share me with another woman, but does not want that herself, I do not know.

I just know that it was a new idea to myself, and I find solace talking to others that can at least understand where these feelings are coming from.

Thanks for the luck! I'm sure we'll need it.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 10-07-2010, 06:49 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

jlpanian, I have been wondering if you have read any polygamy forums... also, has your wife read anything here? Perhaps she would also find it interesting? Besides I would love to hear what she has to say about it all. I find it difficult to understand what she would see as the advantage, knowing my PN's struggles to have enough time with me.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 10-07-2010, 07:11 AM
jlpanian jlpanian is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 22
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
jlpanian, I have been wondering if you have read any polygamy forums... also, has your wife read anything here? Perhaps she would also find it interesting? Besides I would love to hear what she has to say about it all. I find it difficult to understand what she would see as the advantage, knowing my PN's struggles to have enough time with me.
RP - I have read a lot of different posts on here, i am not sure if they are the ones you reference now. I did take you up and research a little on the OPP. I will try and see if I can click on your name and see all your posts to find them. Are these posts here? or on other sites?

My wife has read some of these posts, but has not created her own account.

I wish could spend 10 minutes inside my wives head, it would be unbelievable. I think she likes the idea of community, something like "it takes a village to raise a child" concept. That we would all be better served emotionally, physically, etc having a bigger family. I know my wife wants more children, but does not want to deliver anymore herself. She has such a huge heart, and I know without a doubt the capacity to emotionally love more. We have also discussed that another woman with similar caring/nurturing characteristics would fit in well with what we have already. Its hard to explain, but something like 1+1+1 = 4. The sum of the parts together exceeds the sum of the parts individually.

On a more sexual note, my wife has expressed that she feels more connected to me sexually when she thinks about me with another woman. This I cannot explain, as it would have the opposite effect on me (in reverse). But I appreciate her honesty and trust her feelings as true. Its also nice to see that we are even more connected now (and were only researching the idea).
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 10-07-2010, 07:35 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

I don't mean poly sites I mean POLYGAMY sites. I wondered if you had done any reading there? if there is one?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jlpanian View Post
We have also discussed that another woman with similar caring/nurturing characteristics would fit in well with what we have already.
I would be very careful how you view this. This woman wouldn't be coming in to your relationship and fitting in... she would be her own woman and would change everything you know about your wife, yourself and the relationship you have right now. It will all change. It will be a relationship of the three of you not two... in this way a triad is created around emotions and needs and general everyday life stuff. Be careful that you don't see this new woman as a puppy dog that you will train and have expectations of and assumptions about how she should be. Because she won't be what you want her to be, she will be herself and will struggle as you both will. Its growing pains.

It sounds like you have kids... I am going to assume that you have more than one... she will be like bringing an adopted adult home. Only she will be free to come and go and do as she pleases... there is no control and no way that she would sit on the couch and just be.

I think this is where reading on unicorns might be helpful. Quite often couples seem to get stuck on the idea that a new person in their life will create a mind melt between everyone. Actually more people added creates more independent thought, because it is virtually impossible to have a mind melt with more than two for any length of time. People who are mind melted and looking for another can't seem to grasp sometimes that they will be forced to become independent from one another or end the relationship if its too uncomfortable.

Some people love the mind melt thing and quite often they are the ones that are monogamous. go monogamy. It's great in NRE to mind melt but doesn't really last in poly... in mono relationships it can last a life time.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 10-07-2010, 07:58 AM
geminigirl's Avatar
geminigirl geminigirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Victoria, BC
Posts: 111
Default

What you are looking for does not have to be polygamy, depending on the spiritual commitment and relationship dynamics of everyone involved.

One question which comes to mind is if you would be open to a girlfriend who would also have the option of having another lover other than yourself?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 12:15 PM.