Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 10-06-2010, 03:28 PM
notalwaysez notalwaysez is offline
New Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2
Default Loss of Impromptu Private Moments

My partner and I have been together under the same roof for 8 years. During that time we have had several good friends that have shared in our life via overnight or several weeks.

In January of this year, we met a wonderful woman (NM) and in August of this year we asked her to join us in a permanent live in relationship. She lives an hour away, so at this time she stays with us about 4 or 5 days a week while we work out combining households.

One of the things I am noticing about myself, is after 3 or 4 days of her being here - I am missing mine and my partner's impromptu private moments and I start emotionally shutting down. I don't like this about me.

During the first part of the year, when NM would stay over - she had her own room, although many nights she stayed with us in our room. When the offer to combine households came to the table - part of something she asked for was to not have separate bedrooms any longer. I guess I didn't really think it through, or think of the what ifs... it seemed like a natural thing to request - and I agreed. Although I did say - separate beds within the same room, simply because 3 in one bed is doable on occasion, it is not a comfortable night's sleep to contend with for the rest of my life.

Anyway, now she is here more and more (sometimes up to 7-9 days in a row). We all care so much for each other, yet - the other night, my partner in bed with me, NM in her own bed - he reached for me in this private intimate way he and I share - and I withdrew, for I knew - it was no longer a private situation. NM was there, in the room.

We have all spoken about these type of scenarios arising and how they "might" be handled. NM suggested that we simply ask her to leave the room for a while. To me, that is just too weird - impromptu is all about the moment. I have suggested, that I would prefer a private room all my own (btw - we do have the necessary rooms available within the home) to which of course, my partner refuses to even consider. I fear (pretty much know) suggesting to NM that she should indeed have her own room, she would be hurt and would probably choose to remain friends, but no longer entertain being with us 24/7.

So that is one scenario. A second scenario that occurred just this past week, was middle of the day, I was in the kitchen and my partner came in and wanted to get it on right there against the kitchen sink. It was a hot moment that could have been awesome - yet.... knowing that NM could have walked in at any time and seen it or heard us, she would have felt left out and not included - due to my concern for her - needless to say, we did not get our freak on in the kitchen. Again - one of those impromptu moments.

Now - does NM and the head of household have their impromptu private moments? - of course they do. And it doesn't bother me at all so why am I so edgy about all of this?

Although I would love for NM to be in our lives for the rest of all of our lives, I really don't want her in my bedroom every night for the rest of my life.

Anyone willing to comment and offer some insight or suggestions to help me figure this out?
Reply With Quote

privacy, sharing

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:14 AM.