Polyamory activism

[Ricavaler]

I think the secrecy issue has more to do with the individuals involved than with the poly society on the whole.

We as a couple are of the opinion that if people do not accept us as we are, they are not worthy to be part of our lives. We are open, if they don't like it, they know where to find the door. Others may not want to risk losing people close to them, and so prefer to stay 'in the closet'.

[River]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

I am always baffled that people need to declare aspects of their life so publicly. I don't require societal recognition to be happy so I find it hard to sympathize with this concept.

Good grief! Have you no sense of the tremendous difficulty, legal and social, that social prejudice can wreck on people's lives, Mono-?

What is a "public declaration," anyway? Should I never tell anyone that I have a boyfriend, a life partner of the same sex? If I do, am I seeking special attention that straight people aren't seeking when they say, "I'm going on vacation with my wife"? Are you not aware that another stigmatized group, gay people, have had to make lots of "public declarations" to achieve the relatively higher level of social acceptance and legal equality that we now have?

How about those poly folks who lose their kids in child custody cases because they are polyamorous? What of those poly folk who keep mum at work for fear of losing their jobs?-- or not being hired in the first place? Or fear telling family? Isn't that a social issue in need of some sort of "activist" response?

Millions and millions of gay people, in their youth, kept their orientation a secret -- with often disasterous personal consequences --, due to social prejudice. Only when the "gay community" organized and became "activist" could millions more gay kids have it so much easier, as they do today. Those gay kids deserve to "publically declare" their lives and loves as much as the straight kids do, don't they? To do otherwise is to hide and tell lies and to live the suffering of lies and hiding.

I think the analogy is a good one. Closets deform and harm people. Period. And no one should be forced to dwell there.

[Mark1npt]

It is a largely fluid process, being poly...... and very few people even on this board can agree on a single definition or term. How is the public to see this? It will all just be confusing to the masses who aren't poly. Again, I don't think we need a giant poly day parade. I don't think actvism is the right word, maybe education...and if some sort of equal rights issues come about to enforce child custody decisions or provide for healthcare on a grand scale to huge numbers of the population, then indeed legislation and actvism will be needed and will come about just as gay rights have. The point of my previous post.

I can also see Mono's altruistic side in that he doesn't need to stand out and make a scene for anybody. He just wants to live his life with his love and enjoy the journey. No need for activism there. No need to puff his chest out and march thru town declaring what he is! Right Mono? We love you just as you are, er...well RP does, anyway!

I must admit, I get a certain charge (for about a millisecond) out of seeing my own ideas/writing put into print out in public on this board, but it really doesn't carry the importance of a grain of sand in the big scheme of my life whether anyone knows or cares about how I live my life.

[Rarechild]

Originally Posted by Mark1npt

I must admit, I get a certain charge (for about a millisecond) out of seeing my own ideas/writing put into print out in public on this board, but it really doesn't carry the importance of a grain of sand in the big scheme of my life whether anyone knows or cares about how I live my life.

The heart of activism is going to bat for an idea larger than yourself, knowing that through your boldness you can change the world for the better, educate, make someone else's life easier, contribute to the evolution of a government, minority or cause because you feel the issues and people involved are misunderstood or undervalued.

And Mark- it makes a difference in my life that you voice your opinions and insights on this forum- take a look at how many people have viewed the posts you've participated in (members AND guests-whoever they may be and whatever they came here for) and you will see that you have already inadvertently made an impact greater than you may imagine.

[River]

Originally Posted by Rarechild

The heart of activism is going to bat for an idea larger than yourself, knowing that through your boldness you can change the world for the better, educate, make someone else's life easier, contribute to the evolution of a government, minority or cause because you feel the issues and people involved are misunderstood or undervalued.

WELL SAID, RARECHILD!

Activism isn't a bad word. It is'nt about grandstanding or attention-seeking. It's a gift we give to others, mainly. And to our communities.

[Mark1npt]

Thank you for the kind words, Rarechild....I appreciate them.

You and James are not wrong in your comments, in fact they are perfect.....and I am not wrong in mine, either. I simply am happy where I am in this life as Mono and probably a few others on here are also. Those of us content in our existence, see no need for changing government or society's way of thinking, or having a parade. That's best left to a younger group with more energy or more cause for battling discrimination in their lives.

I do love to educate and disseminate information, however. Hence, my love for these boards. They have been fantastic and I bet we've touched a lot of lives on here, whether we know it or not. Perhaps it's the simplest form of activism there is? Maybe we can invoke a quiet poly revolution? lol

[Catfish]

Poly Day Parade!!!!!!
Feel the loves!

Seriously though, I hate to disagree with my brilliant, well spoken, gorgeous wife, but I do on this one. I think there's a lot of information out there for those who want to know. Those who would judge without that information aren't worth my time. That said, some of those uninformed schmucks may come in the form of divorce layers or child custody advocates. But bigotry will exist regardless of well intentioned and motivated activists. I think the key is to live your life openly and communicate every chance you get with those who would disagree. Because, let's face it, they're wrong. People don't go from gay-basher to tolerant because of an activist campaign. They meet someone who they respect and admire as a person, find out they're gay and realize the error of their ways. Or not.

Already designing Poly Day T-Shirts,
catfish

[River]

Originally Posted by damncatfish

But bigotry will exist regardless of well intentioned and motivated activists. I think the key is to live your life openly and communicate every chance you get with those who would disagree.

I'm not seeing a dichotomy with Parade-and-Banner-Enthusiasts on the one hand and I'll-Just-Quietly-Do-My-Thing folks on the other, and so, Catfish, I don't think you and your wife are locked in disagreement.

One of the most powerful "activist" things any of us can do is let the people in our lives know that we're living the kinds of lives we are, open to multiple loves, or not, gay or not, bi or not..., honestly and openly ourselves, without fear or shame.

But when the fear is justified by bad public policy, that policy needs changing, and as ALL previous social justice movements have demonstrated, change doesn't happen exclusively on the legislative arm of society. There is also the social and cultural "milieu" to contend with -- and social changes often preceed legislative ones.

[MonoVCPHG]

Every one has valued points in this for sure. I respect that.

I am just going to accept that I just enjoy my life and don't want or expect anything beyond simply sharing love. I can work that into societal norms and if individuals don't like how I live my life they won't be included into it.

I'm very black and white; Your in or out, accept or don't, I'd love to get to know you, but if I don't it will have little on my happiness.

This isn't about staying in the closet..I'm certainly not. It's about not feeling that I am in a closet at all..that is where the self generated isolation comes from. Just be proud and happy.

This also isn't about sitting back and letting others pave a path for me. I'm not on anyones path but my own and Redpepper's. I don't care what group I get lumped into because of the dynamic in my love life. I'm in my own group, the only paving that happens on my path is done with the people in my life.

Politics and movements just aren't my thing...I'm bowing out on this one.

[AutumnalTone]

I think it has to do, in large part, with not having any real agenda to push. Concerns about backlash from employers and such is part, yes. I just think the major part is that we don't have anything we want to push.

It's just like being Pagan. Aside from being Pagan, what do Pagans have in common that they might want to push for? Pagans come in every political stripe and have highly varied beliefs, as one would expect from the myriad religions that are grouped under the Pagan umbrella.

Poly folk likewise have different religious backgrounds and beliefs and different political philosophies. What would we hope to achieve by organizing?