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  #11  
Old 09-30-2010, 05:25 AM
jlpanian jlpanian is offline
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MoonGlow,

I felt so bad for your situation as I read through the posts. I do however see that you will move past this current state of sadness.

Being so new to this, Im not sure if my advice can really even amount to much. But I always find solice in my wife (primary as you guys say). Can you turn to your husband and find solice in him? Love is always a great escape from sorrow, I would try and surround myself with the love of your husband, family and friends.

I wish you the best!
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  #12  
Old 10-01-2010, 02:42 AM
Moonglow Moonglow is offline
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I am. I am working through it. I appreciate everything everyone here has said. I think the hardest part was not given a vote or a chance. I have talked to many friends and just trying to find the positive in the things I am doing. I really am... just when you are the dumped one without the vote and because someone didn't understand or try to understand... I still hurt. It isn't that I rely on someone else for my happiness.... I just feel an empty space where he was... You all are right that poly relationships are harder because the communication was broken by someone else, but the communication was the important thing... i think that is the hardest thing to accept... being silenced.

I keep clinging to my daily activities and I guess it is getting better. I am lucky i have a good support system.. . Thanks for the words of encouragement.
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  #13  
Old 10-01-2010, 10:42 AM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
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With apologies and best wishes to Moonglow (hope you feel better soon Mg) I have found this thread interesting for another reason. I never thought of the possibility that my wife's poly relationship might someday finish. If it ever DID and she was going through "withdrawal symptoms".....I probably would not be very sympathetic if it went on for a long time.
I would be like: " You put me AND THE KIDS through all that heartache and s**t for nothing..get over it."

Hey how long do secondary relationships usually last anyway? Anybody ever did a study?
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  #14  
Old 10-01-2010, 12:36 PM
Moonglow Moonglow is offline
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No the opposite has occured here Vodka. DH is concerned for me and that I hurt. I understand since your circumstance is completely different from mine. I guess compersion is at work here in my relationship at home. Today I woke up a little more cheerful. I didn't quit everything I love and my friends are encouraging me to get back into it. I don't have any choice as I have responsibilities but it would have been nice to curl up and do nothing and keep the pity party going... but I won't and I can't. I think it is still ok to miss him alot and still wish that things would work out differently... but i guess I feel alot like that song Mrs. Brown you've got a lovely daughter... it ain't no good pine....
And of course I wish he would subscribe to the song from the group Chicago... don't know what you got, until its gone.... Oh well.

It is Friday and hopefully things will be better...
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  #15  
Old 10-03-2010, 07:29 AM
Moonglow Moonglow is offline
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Hello... I wanted post a follow up. My DH opened a dialog. (Just between themselves though) I guess the upshot is the other person was surprised to know that we still cared for him. I guess the biggest thing i got from it was that I was treated the way I was to get rid of me because an emotional blackmail ultimatum was made. Also surprised to know that everyday friendships were also broken because of similar thing. In other words... the new family wants to be everything and he has acquiesced. (I guess that wasn't a revelation but a reinforcement.)

Well I had been getting on with my life anyways. I took my dogs today and went to my dance classes and I am glad that I didn't quit everything that reminds me of him. I wanted to run away and I didn't. I am sure I will be happier in the end for it. I have alot to do in the next weeks as I get music ready and things. It will be fun. Oh and you find out who your real friends are when you are depressed.

Oh and by the way I am not holding any false hope that anything will return to the way it was. I guess it was just nice to know that maybe I wasn't "nothing" afterall.
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  #16  
Old 10-03-2010, 06:00 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonglow View Post
I am not holding any false hope that anything will return to the way it was. I guess it was just nice to know that maybe I wasn't "nothing" afterall.
Well ya, that is nice to know. He really didn't empathize much did he? I hope it was a lesson learned for him if nothing else.

Glad you are taking on life again!
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  #17  
Old 10-29-2010, 11:39 AM
Moonglow Moonglow is offline
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Things are going along. Time is healing my bruises. I am involved in a theater project which has me acting as happy as I possibly can LOL so I wasn't able to stay depressed for a while. I have given myself a break. I didn't seek out trying to get the answers of WHY WHY WHY solved instead I have accepted that I was wounded and I have moved on. Red Pepper is right the lesson I learned even if I didn't realize it was just because I am living honestly and openly now, it won't make it right for everyone. He's gone, I am not going to seek him out or anything. Stupidly I emailed him in the height of my despair many many many weeks ago one line from my show, which reflected how I loved him but I didn't get a response. I didn't really expect to.

I am struggling with intimacy now but working slowly to regain it. I feel so vulnerable...

I also learned who my true friends are and was quite surprised and in a pleasant way.

I am grappling with the fact that I am still the same person that I was before him. Nothing has changed there... how am I going to handle it? I don't know. It is kind of neat but also kind of scary too.

My birthday passed and so ok... it wasn't the best birthday ever but... it passed. I am gonna have a funtastic weekend getting dressed up and looking forward to it!
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