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  #11  
Old 08-10-2009, 02:17 PM
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Default Good Luck

I hope you are right with what you want to do. This manipulative pyscho will most probably cause some type of scene before she goes. She's loosing what she views as her property, that would be you.

These types of unstable people were taught by their parents to be abusive and they will resort to the same tactics they watch the parents use to control them and the other person (the husband or the wife). They rarely "just go away". You are right to let her think you'll be friends after she leaves. That will let her think she still will jave a chance to control you later.

But my advise is to break all communications as soon as she's out. Let your parents know that she will try to contact them and say hurtful things to get back at you, Be preemptive in dealing with whatever parts of your life she can mess with. change your phone number, change banks, change any habits that she can predict (i.e. going to the gym or other hobbies, etc.).

Whatever she knows about you she will try to use to mess with you and cause you problems.

I had a gf once who was so obsessed, she went to my work and told nasty lies to my workmates that included me being homosexual and using her as a "cover" to keep my high profile job. Don't get me wrong here, I have absolutely nothing against gays and lesbians. I am on occasion bi with the right man, but I work in a profession that is full of close minded old school bigots, nut they pay me extremely well for what I do. So her trying to "out" me and mess up my income was just a tool in her arsenal to cause me pain and issues.

If she couldn't have me, she was going to make sure no one else wanted me. She even followed a girl a met 6 months after we split to her house and threw a wild tirad about how she and i were still together and told this girl to stay away from her husband. We were never married, never engaged, never lived together, and only dated for 6 months.

This went on for over a year after we split up and it became a job, just running around repair the damage she caused me. It only stopped when I got a transfer to another state.

I hope you don't have to deal with this extreme type of crazy, but i recommend being preemptive. Change or insulate everything about or in your life that she knows how to mess with.

But most importantly, cut off all communication as soon as possible. Be sure to change all passwords to all your emails, bank accounts, etc. She will try to snoop in order to get info to use against you and just to cause you problems.

Best of luck to you and may all your dreams come true.
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  #12  
Old 08-10-2009, 06:16 PM
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That's awful!!

Thankfully she's moving out of the country back to Denver, and I'm moving to Australia. So I wont have the stalker kind of stuff to deal with. That's pretty scary.

As for sg & ab forwarding money, it's not that quick or easy. by the time it got here she'd be gone anyways.

I think things have calmed down a bit.... Although I just heard her screaming at her mother in the other room *roll eyes* Talk about abusive and manipulative... that's exactly where she learned it, you're right, her parents taught her everything she knows in regards to that stuff.
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  #13  
Old 08-10-2009, 06:38 PM
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Wow. Your ex is horrible. My advice is, unless you feel you're in danger, just sit tight and hold on to the knowledge that she'll be out in less than a week. In less than a month, you'll be with your loves and never have to see her again. This is likely to be the worst part because she knows it's over and she can do nothing about it and will cause you as much misery as possible before she goes. I highly doubt any report to the government by a nutjob will be taken seriously, even if she does dare to do it. As far as your parents, if they know she's abusive you can pretty much tell them anything you want regarding what she may or may not have told them. I'm not suggesting lying, but I'm sure if you told them she's just doing things to hurt you they'd believe you. Let her think you can be friends so she doesn't go full blown psycho. In a few weeks you'll never have to deal with her again. But, if you do think she'll be physically abusive, please get out of there. Do whatever you have to to get away-friend, shelter, even staying in your car-but get away from her. I hope you get through this in one piece, sanity intact. Let us know how it goes.
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Old 08-10-2009, 08:42 PM
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Going along with the "just sit tight" thought, you don't have to sit tight at home all the time. Find your local 24 hour diner or a coffee shop and splurge on a refillable coffee or drink. I'm not saying never be at the house, but if things do start feeling strange or dangerous, make sure you have somewhere in mind you can escape to until this weekend.

Good luck!
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  #15  
Old 08-10-2009, 09:25 PM
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Thanks for all the support guys.

xyz, I'm pretty good at reading when she's about to be physical after 11 years. I know when to back off and will not push her now as I know it wont take much. I have a coffee shop close by if I REALLY need to escape, and my parents are back in town on thursday.

We haven't fought today, which is good. She was actually severely attacked by one of our cats Sunday night and since then she can't do much with one of her hands, so is somewhat dependant on me... found out today her hand's infected too *roll eyes* so yay... less she can do. But we did get all the running around done that needed to be fairly peacefully today.
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  #16  
Old 08-11-2009, 07:13 AM
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poor you! Talk about uncomfortable!

It's a shame you read her IM's etc. That was not the right thing to do, but as you have it probably brought stuff to a head that would never have gotten there.

If she knew you would read it then she wouldn't of said it. She was totally saying that stuff to make herself look good in her hurt, disappointment and perhaps embarrassment that you are moving on to a better life rather than sticking it our with her. She is trying to save face essentially.
So let her. What does it matter in the long run?! These things have a way of blowing up in peoples faces when they go on and on about something and the recipient of the "crap" stays calm and quiet.

Sounds like you are doing the best thing.... playing it cool and letting her believe all is good. Placating is a wonderful thing at times!

Give her some nice pets to the ego and wait it out.... you are almost home free sweets! Keep that eye on the prize.
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  #17  
Old 08-11-2009, 07:25 AM
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The smallest Concern here is that the person she (the ex) has spoken to is Actually HERE. This Person has also threaten to physically harm ME should I see her in a public place. She (the ex) has Also shared Personal conversations between herself and Me with this person to provoke a reaction from her.And lied to me about doing so when asked if she was speaking to this person. This person is a former friend of mine that has taken great pleasure in making MY life a living hell and sticking her nose into things that have NEVER concerned her.

The biggest Concern here atm IS with AL's safety. I do not believe that This Person Would actively seek me out at this stage. But I would not put her past making things as difficult as possible in any way that she could.

Right now We are sitting on it. And yeah It was dishonest to read the IM's. But you gotta do what you gotta do.
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  #18  
Old 08-11-2009, 05:58 PM
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I'd have to agree with Thirdwheel here and try to distance yourself permanently from this psycho.....you don't need people like that taking up valuable room in your life. Secondly, I have to agree with Ceoli (which I rarely do, lol) and say get to a shelter, if only for a few days til you fly. You don't know if this other person will flip out and do something irrational and violent toward you. Wackos can go wacko at any minute.....It may not be safe. Crimes of passion are crimes for a reason, you know?
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  #19  
Old 08-11-2009, 06:42 PM
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I'm confused. The ex is in Canada and the psycho is in Australia. They have been chatting on line and are in it together to make it all difficult for you all in different countries. The ex is moving out on Saturday and the psycho could continue to harass you all?

Did I get it right?

The shelter might be the answer or a hostel. Could you take early flight to Vancouver? I know places to stay there and you would certainly be out of there. Besides you could come visit us heh... If you want.... No pressure, but at least we aren't psychos (just on line... :P) and when would you get to spend time on the west coast of our pretty country? You could camp even. We have all the gear and it has been hot and gorgeous here for monthes.

Just some thoughts to consider to hopefully put a good spin on it all.
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  #20  
Old 08-11-2009, 07:09 PM
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Redpepper, I read it to believe the ex IS the psycho, but that the "friend" she was talking to online is in Australia. Either way... an early trip to Vancouver would be fun! ((teehee))
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