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Old 10-01-2010, 10:55 AM
Hermes's Avatar
Hermes Hermes is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Sheffield
Posts: 9
Default Getting over an insecurity

Hey. I've been poly for about 10 months now, and mostly, I'm enjoying it. There's just one insecurity that I can't seem to shake.

There's a boy that my gf (currently my only partner - I'm her secondary relationship) had a brief, ultimately painful relationship with not long before we got together. She felt an awful lot for him, and was hurt when he decided to return to his monogamous ex.

Anyway, he's newly single, and she's being there for him during his mourning period. I totally don't begrudge her this. He's a good friend and a good bloke who needs a friend right now. That's totally not my issue.

The fear that I can't seem to shake is that should their relationship become romantic again, that I'll lose precedence to that relationship. I'm already her secondary - I don't have an issue with that, and I get on well with her primary - but I don't want to lose time with her over this possible new relationship. Particularly as, at the moment, we have a LDR (although hopefully not for much longer).

We talked about it, and she's assured me that even if it happens (her opinion changes daily on how likely she thinks it is), she'll be slow and cautious about it after what happened last time, and doesn't see it becoming more than a 'tertiary' thing, if anything, and that she doesn't want things to change with me.

Yet for some reason, my mind keeps coming back to this insecurity. I'm not a guy with the most self-esteem in the world, which is probably an affecting factor. I just can't shake it.

I guess I'm asking for advice on a different way to think about it to get it out of my mind, rather than an opinion on the situation itself. How can I get over this insecurity?
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