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  #31  
Old 09-24-2010, 07:37 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Originally Posted by geminigirl View Post

For me, the two pillars of poly are communication and respect. If you don't have either of these for your partner AND for yourself, poly will be incredibly difficult if not impossible.

Try and remember that everyone has needs and emotions that they're scared of communicating for fear of being rejected. Fear is, I find, at the root of most relationship blockages, and if we can find the courage to open up enough to admit our fears to our partners and especially to ourselves, we bridge a huge gap in creating trust and intimacy with our loved ones.
Great post. Must remember this one!
<<hugs>> to you FF88
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  #32  
Old 09-24-2010, 08:38 PM
anotherbo anotherbo is offline
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I'm sorry you're going through this, Foxflame. It sounds like he's been very disrespectful of you. If this is his version of poly, how could a partner feel cared about and cherished?

Hang in there!


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  #33  
Old 09-24-2010, 08:57 PM
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foxflame88 foxflame88 is offline
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Wow, a lot has happened since I last commented here. I thought I had updated, but I see I didn't.


It took a few more days (after my last post) for things to come to a head around here. The mountain of emotions that had been bearing on me came crashing down on Saturday evening. I had a complete breakdown and just SOBBED. I felt like all week long I was not getting through to him. I felt like I was unimportant and insignificant. He just sat and HELD me while I cried it all out. He just patiently waited for me to speak, and when I finally did, it was the first time since this all started that I TRULY felt like he was not only hearing me, but understanding. We talked and talked and talked... literally ALL NIGHT until the sun came up.

He always knew what I expected as far as open honest communication... but now he understands WHY it is so important to me. And as hurt as I was by his actions and lack of honesty about those actions, I understand why. As hurt as I was feeling, he confided how much HE was hurting knowing he was the cause of my pain. Most importantly, I am completely secure in believing that he will be completely open with me in the future.

As for HER... I agreed to let her come over for a visit. I wanted to keep an open mind, despite the bad circumstances in which she happened into our lives. I wanted to, at the very least, be on friendly terms with her so I could give him my blessing in going forward with her. That said, they BOTH agreed that things would only progress (between them) at a pace I could be comfortable with. For that, I have a lot of respect for them both... especially her. She is completely new to exploring poly.
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. ~Woody Allen
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  #34  
Old 09-24-2010, 09:11 PM
anotherbo anotherbo is offline
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Originally Posted by foxflame88 View Post
Wow, a lot has happened since I last commented here. I thought I had updated, but I see I didn't.


It took a few more days (after my last post) for things to come to a head around here. The mountain of emotions that had been bearing on me came crashing down on Saturday evening. I had a complete breakdown and just SOBBED. I felt like all week long I was not getting through to him. I felt like I was unimportant and insignificant. He just sat and HELD me while I cried it all out. He just patiently waited for me to speak, and when I finally did, it was the first time since this all started that I TRULY felt like he was not only hearing me, but understanding. We talked and talked and talked... literally ALL NIGHT until the sun came up.

He always knew what I expected as far as open honest communication... but now he understands WHY it is so important to me. And as hurt as I was by his actions and lack of honesty about those actions, I understand why. As hurt as I was feeling, he confided how much HE was hurting knowing he was the cause of my pain. Most importantly, I am completely secure in believing that he will be completely open with me in the future.

As for HER... I agreed to let her come over for a visit. I wanted to keep an open mind, despite the bad circumstances in which she happened into our lives. I wanted to, at the very least, be on friendly terms with her so I could give him my blessing in going forward with her. That said, they BOTH agreed that things would only progress (between them) at a pace I could be comfortable with. For that, I have a lot of respect for them both... especially her. She is completely new to exploring poly.
Awesome!

So glad you two came to such a positive resolution with this.


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  #35  
Old 09-24-2010, 09:17 PM
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She and I have been chatting online A LOT. We've talked very candidly about everything. I told her how hurt I was, why, etc. She was very open with me, and expressed regret that she had a part in my feelings being hurt. We've also talked extensively about polyamory, (she is brand new to it) and what MY expectations are... expectations that HE agrees will work for US. She is like a sponge, soaking up info, and she has been wonderful in communicating her thoughts and asking questions.

So, we had that face-to-face meeting... it went splendidly! After meeting her (and seeing her) I can totally understand his excitement over her. She is an amazing woman. I am growing more and more comfortable each day, reminding myself to stay open-minded. (While I have forgiven them both, they both also know I have not forgotten.)

I am hesitant to admit I was (am) wildly attracted to her. I admitted that to both of them, and found out the feeling is mutual. (She and I are VERY VERY slowly exploring our own relationship, with HIS blessing of course.)
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. ~Woody Allen
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  #36  
Old 09-25-2010, 02:26 PM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
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Originally Posted by foxflame88 View Post
Shortly after, we have sex. I head for the shower after and try to coax him in with me. He refuses and then LEFT! He was gone a few hours, and when he came home, did not say a word to me. I went to bed.

.
This is totally unacceptable. I can't believe he went to meet a new woman without having a shower
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  #37  
Old 09-25-2010, 02:28 PM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
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Yes I did read the whole thread though foxflame! Glad it seems to have worked out in the end.
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  #38  
Old 09-28-2010, 07:12 AM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foxflame88 View Post
She and I have been chatting online A LOT. We've talked very candidly about everything. I told her how hurt I was, why, etc. She was very open with me, and expressed regret that she had a part in my feelings being hurt. We've also talked extensively about polyamory, (she is brand new to it) and what MY expectations are... expectations that HE agrees will work for US. She is like a sponge, soaking up info, and she has been wonderful in communicating her thoughts and asking questions.

So, we had that face-to-face meeting... it went splendidly! After meeting her (and seeing her) I can totally understand his excitement over her. She is an amazing woman. I am growing more and more comfortable each day, reminding myself to stay open-minded. (While I have forgiven them both, they both also know I have not forgotten.)

I am hesitant to admit I was (am) wildly attracted to her. I admitted that to both of them, and found out the feeling is mutual. (She and I are VERY VERY slowly exploring our own relationship, with HIS blessing of course.)
Much happier! Yea for you!
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