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Old 09-28-2010, 02:00 AM
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maca maca is offline
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Default Old habits// buried or changed????

So I've seen a pattern forming within myself... I will do real good, for awhile, fighting off my insecurities. Then somthing will trigger my old insecurities and off the deep end I go.

So whats the right way to get past your insecurities??? Bury them so that they dont rear there ugly heads or ???? Can you even REALLY change, so that you dont have that insecurity?


My most destructive insecurity is that Ill end up alone because Im not wanted or loved. I've always felt that in order to be secure in a relationship, I had to be the best, number one, on top, always the focus. I've used that fear to motivate everything from my career to the quality of my life (including my relationships).

Add in POLY Now my wife is having a full blown relationship with another man. **** Im not the number one anymore, or the focus or the best**** Ok breath, and focus, so I work to bury those insecurities, I even try talking to a counselor and try to change so that I dont have those insecurities anymore. Then I meet another woman I fall for her and I thought she was falling for me. But reality is she only wants a F/B and has only ever wanted a F/B. ( She was open about that). I wanted more and I began to feel.... Not good enough, for this other woman. Only good for an occasional Fuck. So now not only am I feeling not enough for LR but Im not enough for this other woman... You see the self degrading circle????


I began lashing out at the ones that I felt were "TAKING" the love away from me. Stupid and self centered on my part.


So not only was I unable to bury the insecurity I wasnt able to REALLY change it.

If you have any other suggestions Im all ears. Im so worn out from the stress of it that I can hardly move. So ill be able to read your responses.


Maca
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