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  #31  
Old 09-21-2010, 07:52 AM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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OMG! Excited for ya! Hope all goes well.
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  #32  
Old 09-21-2010, 03:26 PM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morningglory629 View Post
OMG! Excited for ya! Hope all goes well.
She hasn't confirmed yet that she's coming over, so I'm trying not to get my hopes too high.

I'm honestly not sure if I'm getting some mixed signals from her... today she seemed a lot less... flirty, I guess... than she was on Sunday, but there was another coworker in the room. I just don't know if I'm trying to hard to look for signals or what's going on.

All I know is that in the entire time Tonberry and I have had an open marriage J is the one person I have met about whom I've felt like I could have a real relationship with. I can imagine a future with her, much like I can imagine one for Tonberry and her boyfriend.

I guess I can tell I'm deeply attracted to J when she're feeling like death warmed over and I still think she's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen.
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  #33  
Old 09-22-2010, 12:48 AM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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Since I haven't heard from her yet, I think it's safe to say J isn't coming for dinner.

Maybe I was a bit too forward and scared her off a bit?

EDIT: J's problem with her knees was acting up so she went straight home after work, and didn't think about the invitation to dinner. My imagination was just acting up again.

Last edited by Ragabash; 09-22-2010 at 01:28 AM.
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  #34  
Old 09-23-2010, 02:56 AM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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I was talking to J over IM earlier today, she's been feeling sick so I've been doing what I can to take care of her. I remindered her that just because she doesn't have family living in town doesn't mean she doesn't have people that care about her, and she accepted it without comment, but did say she'd call if she needed anything.

I feel like I was setting myself up for a "just friends" comment and one never came, and I'm happy about that.

Tomorrow I'm going to put together a care package for her that I'll take to work, some homemade broth, homemade applesauce and some teas, along with a hand-knitted rabbit Tonberry made for her in her favorite colour (she was commenting all month that she wants to get a rabbit for her apartment, so I know she likes them).

I'm... also toying with the idea of commenting that Tonberry will miss Sean while we're away on vacation. Coming out to some coworkers isn't something I want to walk into lightly, but tomorrow I'll be working with the two people I really feel like I can trust at work (there has been some workplace drama, and in it I really learned who keeps their mouth shut). I'll be sleeping on it, but Tonberry has already told me that it's my decision when and to whom I'll come out at work regarding polyamoury.
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  #35  
Old 09-23-2010, 05:03 PM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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I got to work today and gave J the rabbit which she loved... and the day went swiftly downhill from there.

She's met someone, and is waiting for him to call.


I'm completely at a loss... I don't know if I should tell her my feelings, if I should back off and hope she's happy with him or what I should do. I care about her and I'm genuinely happy for her, but at the same time it's eating me up inside.

Since Tonberry and I decided on an open marriage J is the one person I've met that I've thought I could have a relationship with, and now it seems like just so much wishful thinking on my part. I know I could have fallen in love with her given the chance.

I bottled it all up until I could get home from work, when I could just hug Tonberry and cry. I feel like an idiot for letting my hopes get too high, like I was stupid to believe she could be interested in me, and now I'm going to be completely depressed going into my vacation and I can't tell more than half the people I know why.

I'm going to go make myself something to eat and cry a little more so I can get it all out before I have to go back to work again... where I'll be spending six hours with J. It's not going to be an easy day.
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  #36  
Old 09-24-2010, 12:45 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Rag will say more when he's back from work tomorrow, but he's just called to tell me he came out to J and another coworker as poly.
His other coworker took it very well, J was apparently very surprised and said the usual "I couldn't do it but good for you".
He mentioned that I have a boyfriend, Sean and that he liked someone who didn't seem interested... J herself told him he should confess his feelings to that person, etc...

She genuinely doesn't seem to know he likes her. It's rather weird, it kept feeling like she was sending hints his way... No wonder he was so confused.

I don't think it's all lost but I can imagine the worry that he'd tell her he likes her and she would back up from their friendship or something... I guess we'll know more when he's home.
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  #37  
Old 09-24-2010, 02:26 PM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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Tomorrow when I get home from work I'm going to send an e-mail to J telling her my feelings so she has some time to respond before I leave for vacation. She told me honesty is best, and if someone can't handle that then it was never meant to me, and I'm going to take her at her word.

I'd go into detail more, but I really don't feel up to more right now. I've had an emotionally exhausting day and feel like I have a lot more yet to come. I'll post when I can.
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  #38  
Old 09-24-2010, 02:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ragabash View Post
Tomorrow when I get home from work I'm going to send an e-mail to J telling her my feelings so she has some time to respond before I leave for vacation. .
You're a brave man Ragabash. Good luck and regardless, enjoy your vacation
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  #39  
Old 09-24-2010, 02:49 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Yes, he is very brave, and I try to be supportive, but to be honest it's hard for me too.
It's a very weird feeling. It's a combination of feeling as though I was the one in Rag's situation and seeing someone I love suffer without being able to do anything to help him, short of just being there.

At the same time, it's comforting to still have all the rest. It's good to know Rag and I have each other. It helps knowing we have Sean, too. I think one thing about polyamory is that even if things don't work out with a partner, you might still have a whole family supporting you (if you already have other partners and metamours). It really helps, because you can feel so alone in times like that.

It's a very weird situation for me, of course it's much worse for Rag, but hopefully I can take some of it on my shoulders. I remember a saying about being a couple, that said when you're a couple, sharing bad things make them only half as bad, sharing the good things make them twice as good.

I guess with polyamory you can also divide pains and multiply joys by more than two.
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  #40  
Old 09-25-2010, 01:06 PM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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I reached the point last night where I realised I could either be happy for J that she met someone or I could feel sorry for myself... and it seems that thought was what I needed.
I really am happy for her, just as I would have been happy for her to have met someone if she and I had been dating. That shouldn't change just being she's only in my life as a friend.
I'm still planning to tell her how I feel, Tonberry is going to help me write the e-mail, and perhaps things will change. She met her interest through a dating service, so she isn't that close yet, and it's not like I'd be asking her to forget him in any case.
We'll see how it goes, but for now I'm feeling better.
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