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Old 09-23-2010, 02:29 PM
nto nto is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 10
Default Dealing with jealousy towards men

I'm posting here because although I'm not new to polyamory, it's a new situation.

I am a man with 2 female partners, both primarily interested in women, but they have the occasional interest in men. Women I don't really feel jealous about. I am happy for them that they found someone new they like. Men bother me. I get angry, my stomach tightens up, and I start to feel hostile towards the men. I know better than to act on it, since it's my problem, but I don't know how to deal with it.

I've told them both to go ahead, and I'll deal with it on my own, but I don't know how. I trust them, and I am not worried about them doing anything that would risk our relationship. I am angry at the first sign of a relationship. One of my partners scheduled a date with someone I know she wasn't interested in, she was basically being nice because he's really awkward and could use the self esteem boost, and I still wanted to destroy him (awkward, since he hangs out with my friends on a regular basis).

I am trying to figure out how to deal with it, because my usual methods of dealing with stress aren't gonna help here. Usually I wait till the stress is gone, and pretend I am ok till it passes (doesn't help if it's long term), drink heavily (also bad if something goes long term) or just say fuck it, I don't even care anymore, it's not worth the stress (which I REALLY don't want to do to someone I love).

I am worried about how I will deal with it, because if it gets worse, and not better, I will be completely unable to deal with any of their partners, and I'm worried it will affect our relationships and creep into the rest of my life.

I know it's a bit sexist and a double standard that I can date the opposite sex and not them, which is why I am working on it. I just have trouble getting my emotions to be logical. They do what they please, mostly.
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