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Old 09-22-2010, 07:14 PM
LittleTiger LittleTiger is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 2
Default how to avoid the un-ethical sluts

This is probably a really basic question, but when I meet a new person, how do I know that they are really single and/or poly, and not just cheating!?

I'm new to poly, only dating one girl now (I'm bi-female) and she recently had an experience that got me thinking about this question. she met this guy that she really connected with at a party. The next day she finds out he lives in England.. and is married! (not open marriage either) She's still emailing him, just as friends, but I can tell the way she talks, she's really into him. and I feel like telling her to forget about this married dude who lives on another continent! But I think that's something she needs to figure out for herself (right?)

Also it made me wonder, how this situation could be prevented, or how I would have acted. It's easy for me to say, well I would have told him, "I'm only into dating people whose partners are totally on board with the poly thing, goodbye," although that does seems harsh, I don't like people who barely know me to make judgements about my life and my intensions. Also I understand once you have strong feelings for someone it can be hard to think clearly or let go (NRE)! Seems better to figure out someone's relationship status up front, but how do you really know, unless you meet their partners, which you only know exist if they tell you, which they might not, see what I mean?

Asking direct questions seems good first step, that way they have to lie to your face, which many people will not do (but if you don't ask, they don't tell!) but still I'm not even sure what to ask. Do you have a wife or girlfriend? covers lots of situations, but maybe he has a boyfriend! or a "friend with benefits" who thinks she is exclusive with him. I don't want to fall for someone who is unavailable (as my friend seems to have done) or for someone who turns out to be lying to me, or to another girl. How do you experienced poly people avoid this? Or is it not really a problem very much?

p.s. just realize this should be in "New to Poly" and not "Introductions" category, if someone can move that would be great. sorry!

Last edited by LittleTiger; 09-22-2010 at 07:17 PM.
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