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Old 09-22-2010, 06:57 PM
monaural's Avatar
monaural monaural is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: California, US
Posts: 18
Default Dealing with a LACK of jealous feelings (mono-poly)

This sounds like a strange thing to kvetch about, I know, but I need to explore it. My poly girlfriend has another partner (male) and at least one female who she's physically close with (though more in a cuddle/makeout party kind of way). None of this bothers me, almost at all, besides an idle (and slowly eroding) worry that her other partners might one day threaten or dilute our bond.

Now, I come from a fiercely mono past- lots of live-in LTRs with matrimonial plans. Lots of tears over end-of-relationship cheating problems (never me, for the record) and a somewhat jealous, possessive cast over my recent love life due to being hurt and "betrayed" a few times.

The very idea of someone I love even having a trivial physical relationship with another person would have sent me into spirals of self-loathing apoplexy even a year and a half ago.

Where is my head at that I can think of my GF with other people and not feel anything but happiness that she's happy and at how happy we are together? Initially I thought this flippancy was due to my trying not to be too involved with her. Now that we've made our relationship clear and feel very much in love, I have to sit and marvel at this.

My 'too strange/good to be true-ometer' is firing all the time right now, because I think my psyche can't believe how much it's grown in just a few months. I keep thinking one day I'll wake up and scream, "ACK! SHE'S ACTUALLY HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER DUDE/CHICK! WHAT THE F***?!"

...but that day hasn't come, even with some challenges and some (unrelated) down days, in which I'd normally have begun to doubt any contentious part of my life heavily.

It's totally outside my norms for me to think, yes, I only have a night or two per week to see her and it's not like she's a finite resource. Her loving another no longer sounds like a death knell of our relationship or some grand injustice, me left holding the (much!) shorter straw.

She shares hobbies and pursuits with her other loves that I don't necessarily geek out on, and vice versa. I see her life enriched and my own in turn, by what she passes on.

Honestly, I never ever thought I'd say this, but I'm kind of excited by the prospect of being able to build other, perhaps less intense relationships with other people when lightning strikes, which it often has (fruitlessly) during my mono relationships.

Man, am I seriously verging towards poly? As I live 'n' breathe.

So I wonder if others that came into poly through love rather than innate inclination have had this same sort of transformation, and, most importantly, did it last?

Last edited by monaural; 09-22-2010 at 06:59 PM. Reason: clarity
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