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  #21  
Old 09-22-2010, 10:16 AM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Wow....WTF is this crap? I am experiencing bouts of jealousy, of all things! From day to day, I am a wreck, then I am on a high and all is well...Then I am on a low....Then a high...Then a low again. UGGH! It is driving L NUTS! And she feels like it is all her fault even though it's not.

Example: Yesterday morning, I was fine. I felt like a million bucks. Then, a trip to Target with L and I am in the dumps again. I'm not sure, but it seems as though her texting her D put me over the precipice.

Her NRE drives me crazy sometimes, yet it's fun to watch at others. How do you guys get through this without ruining it all? L wants to simply call the whole relationship off. But thats not fair to HER, orher D. I really DO like seeing her so happy, but to constantly be put on the back burner is disconcerting at times. And I have no way to occupy my mind when it happens. So....How do you deal with it?
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  #22  
Old 09-22-2010, 01:05 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Wow....WTF is this crap? I am experiencing bouts of jealousy, of all things! From day to day, I am a wreck, then I am on a high and all is well...Then I am on a low....Then a high...Then a low again. UGGH! It is driving L NUTS! And she feels like it is all her fault even though it's not.

Example: Yesterday morning, I was fine. I felt like a million bucks. Then, a trip to Target with L and I am in the dumps again. I'm not sure, but it seems as though her texting her D put me over the precipice.
Examine what's happening to put you in a down mood. It sounds to me like you are not getting enough one on one time with L. Maybe the two of you need a date night where the phones go off (or at least unanswered except for family emergencies) on a very regular basis.

Quote:
Her NRE drives me crazy sometimes, yet it's fun to watch at others. How do you guys get through this without ruining it all? L wants to simply call the whole relationship off. But that's not fair to HER, or her D. I really DO like seeing her so happy, but to constantly be put on the back burner is disconcerting at times. And I have no way to occupy my mind when it happens. So....How do you deal with it?
Are you really being constantly put on the back burner or does it just seem that way because you need some serious one on one time with no outside distractions?

It sounds like some deep introspection & couples communication is in order.

How do I deal with it?

If I like the person Breathes is in a relationship with I don't have any problems. We have our weekly day/night where it is just the two of us & no one else is invited without both of us agreeing to it.

If I don't like the person then the jealousies and insecurities set in & I have to remind myself A LOT that it is me he chooses to come home to every time they're together

I find things easier now, too, since I have my own other partner. I was feeling like the odd woman out & a fifth wheel if we got together. Now that I have Possibility in my life I find my jealousies and insecurities don't show up as often.

When I've had my worst problems we've put all other relationships on hold so we/I could deal with the issues without fear of someone getting hit by the shrapnel. This has happened twice in five years. The first time was his first other relationship after we got together. I simply didn't have the tools I needed in order to deal with my own emotions and insecurities. www.xeromag.com helped immensely with this!

The second time was after the death of my Mom so I could grieve & so Breathes could be there for me without my having to wonder when he would be there & so he wouldn't have to worry about my mental & emotional state dealing with grief AND any other emotions which might arise because of other relationships.
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  #23  
Old 09-22-2010, 01:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
Examine what's happening to put you in a down mood. It sounds to me like you are not getting enough one on one time with L. Maybe the two of you need a date night where the phones go off (or at least unanswered except for family emergencies) on a very regular basis.



Are you really being constantly put on the back burner or does it just seem that way because you need some serious one on one time with no outside distractions?

It sounds like some deep introspection & couples communication is in order.

How do I deal with it?

If I like the person Breathes is in a relationship with I don't have any problems. We have our weekly day/night where it is just the two of us & no one else is invited without both of us agreeing to it.

If I don't like the person then the jealousies and insecurities set in & I have to remind myself A LOT that it is me he chooses to come home to every time they're together
We have spent more alone time since meeting D ! We go to the beach alone on our motorcycle with camping chairs strapped to the back! We sit alone for hours just talking and holding each other. We do this so much now our kids think we live at the beach! We find parking lots that are empty and sit and make out!
As for the liking D... T tells me all the time that he does. But that D is to quiet.And D is until you get him to open up, he is like that with me alot! And I LOVE to talk and to hear people talk to me. I don't know what to think.
All I know is I can't live with my husband unhappy!
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  #24  
Old 09-22-2010, 02:32 PM
PollyPocket PollyPocket is offline
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post

Example: Yesterday morning, I was fine. I felt like a million bucks. Then, a trip to Target with L and I am in the dumps again. I'm not sure, but it seems as though her texting her D put me over the precipice.
Sounds like you are on a bit of a Poly Roller Coaster ride yourself!

I know exactly of what you are speaking! Feeling left out...and for some fucked up reason, the texting just amplifies that feeling a thousand times! I have tried to figure out the "communication" overload (phoning, texting, skyping)....but I can't....it simply just makes me mad! Aurgh. All this 'figuring out' shit is hard work!!

Hang in there! AND try deep breaths, about 5 in a row, when you feel the monster well up inside of you! It sort of works.

Good luck!
P2
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  #25  
Old 09-22-2010, 03:47 PM
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TL, I'm not a doctor, but my one young adult daughter has a major anxiety didorder and Ive done lots of research. Your mood swings might be more related to a possible bipolar disorder, and self esteem issues, than actual jealousy? Just an idea.

It seems to me you're in Florida and don't have any insurance for meds or therapy?
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  #26  
Old 09-22-2010, 04:02 PM
PollyPocket PollyPocket is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
TL, I'm not a doctor, but my one young adult daughter has a major anxiety didorder and Ive done lots of research. Your mood swings might be more related to a possible bipolar disorder, and self esteem issues, than actual jealousy? Just an idea.

It seems to me you're in Florida and don't have any insurance for meds or therapy?
Personally, I believe that 'this disorder' is TOTALLLLLY normal! It is a matter of you figuring out the triggers, then doing something about them, ie, trying to communicate with everyone to 'lessen' them....or to relax through them because they will pass.

The whole thing is tough....and requires LOTS of work and communication. Apparently, as others have said OVER AND OVER, it is worth it to work on yourself!! I am not sure if I totally agree or not....yet!!
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  #27  
Old 09-22-2010, 04:31 PM
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But he has said the moods strike him unawares. And it seems LT his wife, and he, are doing everything right as far as making lots of time for their own relationship. Which led me to ask about other factors that might be contributing to his issues.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

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miss pixi, 37
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  #28  
Old 09-22-2010, 04:35 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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TL you have gone through a lot just in the last month or so. Personally, I think there is something in the atmosphere causing lots of drepression all around, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

I hate the texting when I'm not the one being texted. For some reason, it just rubs me the wrong way when dh gets a text/e-mail on his phone and sits there reads it, then replys to it when I'm trying to talk with him. I've started asking about it, and a couple of times it has been work (that's OK and necessary). If it's someone else, I'm starting to have the guts to say "can't you talk to them later, I want this to me our time". Maybe I need a no texting/e-mail rule before we go out, because I certainly don't need anymore triggers right now either.

Last edited by SNeacail; 09-22-2010 at 04:40 PM.
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  #29  
Old 09-22-2010, 09:18 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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Ok, today was experiment time. I have recently been taking a new multi vitamin. I have not been regular about taking them though. This morning, I remembered that I had taken one about an hour before going to Target. So this morning, I decided not to take one today and see how I feel. Well, here it is 5:15 pm and I still feel fine. So I'm going to do the same thing tomorrow and see what happens. I think....I may have found the issue. It's SO frustrating. I don't WANT to have feelings of jealosy. In fact, I think that what hurts the most, is that my wife is hurting. She has started building a relationship with her D, and now she is thinking twice about it because of me. She was so happy just three days ago. And on Monday night, she called him. When she did, it was like a high school girl talking to a crush for the first or second time. It was so nice to watch. And now, she won't even answer texts from him.

She is hurting too, and I think it's all my fault. uggh! How do I FIX this?????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????????
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  #30  
Old 09-23-2010, 08:55 PM
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So far so good we are not using this brand of multi vitamins again. The mood swings were the same as when he was on Saint Johns Warts. So back to the old vitamins he was taking a lot mote money, but so worth it. I just want my hubby to be back to himself!!!! I missed him for the past week
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