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  #151  
Old 09-16-2010, 08:37 PM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
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Originally Posted by Vinccenzo View Post
I just wanted to say to Vodkafan that I'd gone to another site before coming here too and found it unproductive. Then I found the site you originally went to and saw your post. Glad I saw you post before trying that site because I'd have gotten more of the same. I came here because of the links someone had provided you.
ha you found me. Yes that makes sad reading.
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  #152  
Old 09-16-2010, 10:24 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by PollyPocket View Post
I think that the NRE confuses a lot of peeps too...is it love, lust, newness, whatever? As mentioned in my Intimacy versus Intenseness thread, it is the ENERGY that fuels the intense feelings....and I do think that people mistake this for intimacy. Just a 'deep thought' as a sidenote.
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Very good point. Its the same rush of endorphins one gets when they have exercised too. Its almost like our bodies wake up.
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  #153  
Old 09-18-2010, 12:23 PM
Jade Jade is offline
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Originally Posted by vodkafan View Post
Hi, yet another thread from me.

I read a lot on here about NRE. I wonder how long it lasts. It does seem to be responsible for a lot of problems in itself, causing lots of bad new feelings for a mono partner when their partner is in the grip of NRE.

If a poly relationship runs into problems when the NRE starts to run out, does that indicate that the relationship was really just an affair posing as a poly?
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I know NRE makes you idealize your love object
Yep. That pedestal falls. But I think it's only at this point, when you see your partner there, wallowing in their flaws, oddities, and quirks (when you see them at their worst), that if you're still compelled to reach for them and whisper, "I love you. I want you in my life," that your relationship is transformed into the stuff "true love" is made of. It may not be terribly romantic, but it's enduring.
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  #154  
Old 09-18-2010, 11:43 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by Jade View Post
Yep. That pedestal falls. But I think it's only at this point, when you see your partner there, wallowing in their flaws, oddities, and quirks (when you see them at their worst), that if you're still compelled to reach for them and whisper, "I love you. I want you in my life," that your relationship is transformed into the stuff "true love" is made of. It may not be terribly romantic, but it's enduring.
On the contrary; I think that's incredibly romantic!
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  #155  
Old 09-20-2010, 02:22 AM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
There is a thread somewhere, that discusses the potential to be addicted to NRE. While some will argue over whether hopping from NRE to NRE is poly, I don't understand how this is infidelity, unless the poly partners were not aware of each other.
I think a few poly people are indeed addicted to NRE. I still think that it is polyamory if they are open and honest about their involvements with others. It sure isn't cheating or infidelity if everyone is totally informed and also consents.
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  #156  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:14 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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It sure isn't cheating or infidelity if everyone is totally informed and also consents.
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  #157  
Old 09-20-2010, 11:56 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by Vexxed View Post
I think a few poly people are indeed addicted to NRE. I still think that it is polyamory if they are open and honest about their involvements with others. It sure isn't cheating or infidelity if everyone is totally informed and also consents.
I suppose the danger is that the NRE addict might not be aware that they are such?
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  #158  
Old 09-20-2010, 02:15 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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I`m going to read this thread with interest. Obviously 'we' are in it, but I seem to be experiencing a opposite phenomenon.

With all the talks, and worries over being swept away by NRE, I find I am overly cautious.

Sometimes worrying to much about others feelings, and not enough about my own wants.

The thing that surprised me the most, was my feeling of transparency. Its been difficult for me to wrap my brain around the fact that I feel like everyone can tell by looking at me, how I feel about my new relationship. Not a feeling I am yet comfortable with, as I am usually a fairly private person.
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  #159  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:07 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
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I am very wary of NRE. I use to only identify it as this element that made affairs so damaging. I attributed it as being something that fogs up one person's head and draws faulty conclusions that a previously established partner cannot compete with. Two people build a history made up of both positive and negative associations with each other. With no one else in the picture, both can be objective and see the good as well as the bad.

Then along comes a new person and with them they bring: a belly of enjoyable butterflies, new stories and a newness to your own stories, an unmapped body, and initially, no clue what flaws you have. You get to be this uber person compared to the flawed person your established partner knows. And they get to be this seemingly care free perfect person to you.

I keep these things in mind and I attribute it to this not being my first or second time to the rodeo. I've had a 9 year relationship to a train wreck and now a 6 year relationship that has largely been a blessing. So as I am now getting to know a new person, I am quite aware how people are usually not what they seem. I worry less about myself and any impending NRE I might go through. I worry more about my husband because, while I have benefit of this quality in him, he has a tendency to get all "white knight" for people he cares about (romantic or platonic) if he perceives them to be troubled in anyway. Even before we decided to go ploy, Ive watched this come out of him for his friends and had to point out that he was running on assumptions.

So I identify NRE with a clouding of judgment that creates an unfair bias. Never again can I give my husband the high of successfully telling an amusing story from his college days. He knows my best anecdotal stories too. While I know unrest will find me through out my life, I am centered enough in my day to day to not be able to be a damsel in distress to him. I know the vast majority of his weaknesses just as he knows mine. And we've driven all over each others body. And all the pesky stresses of marriage, parenting, and finances keep things from being carefree. In this way, neither of us can compete in the realm of NRE rush. I worry NRE will be, by far, our biggest hurdle.
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  #160  
Old 09-20-2010, 04:05 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
I`m going to read this thread with interest. Obviously 'we' are in it, but I seem to be experiencing a opposite phenomenon.
I think it can be tied, partially, to your feeling of responsibility. With your large extended family and all of the responsibility, you had a hard time riding the nre wave. Everytime it struck, you got off the wave and said "next time". You and I both have that problem.

Mine comes from the experience of having very destructive NRE. To the point where I was wallowing all of the time. I had to check myself on my trip so my nre didn't get out of hand.

NRE can blind people to the responsibilities they have. You don't let it. ...I love that strength in you.
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