Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Fireplace

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:40 AM
TeJoKo's Avatar
TeJoKo TeJoKo is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Lakewood, WA
Posts: 66
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MindfulAgony View Post
And so, your grandmother or father could be to blame. Genes are as often passed through - without the parent having the gene expressed - as they are passed on from a parent who clearly has that gene.

My point still stands. You have good company with nearly 30% of all women. And, there's sufficient scientific basis to suggest that a vaginal orgasm is indeed based in the clitoris. As such, why be concerned with clitoral stimulation during penile insertion? Why torture yourself with this [false] view of yourself as defective with ample evidence to the contrary?
Why be concerned with clitoral stimulation during penile insertion? I am not. It is everyone else who wants me to be. I want to be able to orgasm, like the 70% of NORMAL women. Clitoral stimulation during intercourse causes too much stimulation and causes me pain. Just like the g-spot.
Why does my g-spot cause me pain if it gets other women off?
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:49 AM
TeJoKo's Avatar
TeJoKo TeJoKo is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Lakewood, WA
Posts: 66
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MindfulAgony View Post
My point in posting all of this, is that whoever or whatever put the notion in your head that you are defective is plain wrong.

More backgorund... "The "two-orgasm theory" (the belief that in females there is a vaginal orgasm and a clitoral orgasm), has been criticized by feminists such as Ellen Ross and Rayna Rapp as a "transparently male perception of the female body". The concept of purely vaginal orgasm was first postulated by Sigmund Freud. In 1905, Freud argued that clitoral orgasm was an adolescent phenomenon, and upon reaching puberty the proper response of mature women changes to vaginal orgasms. While Freud provided no evidence for this basic assumption, the consequences of the theory were greatly elaborated, partly because many women felt inadequate when they could not achieve orgasm via vaginal intercourse that involved little or no clitoral stimulation. Freud's claims about this and many other biological subjects, were later largely proven false or based on supposition."

Got to love Freud, still warping minds nearly a 100 years later. (I was trained in psycho-dynamic theory - the modern incarnation of Freud's psychoanalysis so that was not a completely random comment).

And, more recently... "In 1966, Masters and Johnson published pivotal research about the phases of sexual stimulation. Their work included women and men, and unlike Alfred Kinsey earlier (in 1948 and 1953), tried to determine the physiological stages before and after orgasm. One of the results was the promotion of the idea that vaginal and clitoral orgasms follow the same stages of physical response. Masters and Johnson also argued that clitoral stimulation is the primary source of orgasms."

Same source psych wiki.

Clitoral orgasms are the bomb (or so I've been told). Enjoy them. Why worry abou the rest?
I put that notion into my head because every fucking other women I have ever talked to about it CAN do it. Some men will literally CRY because they can't make a woman cum. Some men will repeat over and over "you gonna cum for me baby" ... I almost told him to get the fuck off me after the second time I had to say "No".
Why worry about it? It's affecting my relationships. It's at least affecting my relationship with myself. It's affecting my sanity. Having to share my men with a woman who can orgasm for them drives me nuts, depresses me, and makes me hate myself. The fact that I can dress nice and she can dress like a slob and she is still the one to get hit on drives me crazy too. Why do I bother wearing a bra and uncomfortable and unhealthy feminine clothing when I can just wear a stained wife beater and get the same kind of attention? I cannot handle being the defective one... Or being the one incapable of some special ability that 70% of all other women on earth possess.

My genetics are fucked. Even more reason never to have a child. If I ever did and passed even ONE of my negative genetic effects to the kid I would hate myself for it.
Does anyone know of a country I can go to to get a hysterectomy? They won't do it here.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:57 AM
MindfulAgony's Avatar
MindfulAgony MindfulAgony is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 192
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeJoKo View Post
Why be concerned with clitoral stimulation during penile insertion? I am not. It is everyone else who wants me to be. I want to be able to orgasm, like the 70% of NORMAL women. Clitoral stimulation during intercourse causes too much stimulation and causes me pain. Just like the g-spot.
Why does my g-spot cause me pain if it gets other women off?
What can I tell you? You insist on making yourself miserable and I don't understand the impulse. It probably is unrelated to sex. Whether or not you'll ever be able to have a vaginal orgasm is really besides the point - it seems. The real point being how do you find fun and joy in sex (in all its forms) that seems to have not been part of your experience.

All I can hope is that some understanding comes over you that human variation is normal and that it doesn't make you defective or anything of that sort. With the a little bit of acceptance of yourself, then you have a good chance of finding the ability to thoroughly enjoy sex (I mean really find joy in sex) in the ways that feel most good to you. Being overly concerned with what other people can or cannot do is simply unproductive and a good way to make unnecessary sorrow for yourself.

Men like to know their partner has had an orgasm because of their own desire to please and, in many cases, our own insecurity. My experience is that the no vaginal orgasm women were just as sexy as the multi-orgasmic ones. Attitude, sense of fun and sexual confidence were much more attractive than if she's popping off like a top.
__________________
Male, Straight, Poly

OKC Profile

Blogs:
Mind Crush
sloetry

“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”
-Pema Chodron

Last edited by MindfulAgony; 09-20-2010 at 04:01 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:57 AM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,604
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeJoKo View Post
That just makes me feel MORE defective.

I can't believe that having multiple vaginal orgasms isn't BETTER than having no vaginal orgasms. I doubt you will find a woman out there who wishes she didn't have vaginal orgasms. But if you do, introduce us. Maybe her logic will make sense to me.
I never said VAGINAL orgasm, just multiple orgasms, be them clitoral or vaginal.
__________________
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 09-20-2010, 04:05 AM
MindfulAgony's Avatar
MindfulAgony MindfulAgony is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 192
Default

OK. I just realized that a lot of this wisdom typically comes with age. So, maybe the best advice is to simply "hang in there." Age, experience, and confidence will help more than logic, sharing of experience, and cajoling ever could.

Call me slow.
__________________
Male, Straight, Poly

OKC Profile

Blogs:
Mind Crush
sloetry

“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”
-Pema Chodron
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 09-20-2010, 12:03 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeJoKo View Post
Some men will literally CRY because they can't make a woman cum. Some men will repeat over and over "you gonna cum for me baby" ... I almost told him to get the fuck off me after the second time I had to say "No".

Having to share my men with a woman who can orgasm for them
This is a HUGE turn-off for me. I hate it when men do the "you gonna cum for me baybee" thing. I don't "cum for" anyone but me. This is the most cliché, insulting, frat-boy, chauvinist line anyone could ever say to me in the throes of passion. The reason for this is because it's not about my pleasure. It's about HIS EGO. I applaud you for saying "No" and I WOULD have pushed him off me after the second time. I also don't understand why women fake orgasms for this very reason. The men who say this and think of women's orgasms as being "for them" deserve to be with the women who "fake" orgasms. Gah. To think some people go their whole lives having sex this way...

Let me guess: this makes you "feel even more defective", right?
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 09-20-2010, 01:39 PM
MrDreadful's Avatar
MrDreadful MrDreadful is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Swindon, Wilts, UK
Posts: 129
Default

I'm no expert, but a lot of this sounds psychological to me... there may well be physical aspects (everyone is different, etc.) but I'm sensing a lot of negativity and low self-esteem both of which will undoubtedly affect sexual desire/response.

But yes, there is a point to sex without orgasm... sometimes it's just nice, y'know... more intimate than cuddling up, more relaxed than sex-with-orgasm... it's difficult to explain!

Also: "you gonna cum for me baby?" Seriously? Dudes actually say that? Gosh. I think Mrs. D would tell me to fuck right off if I said that to her, and rightly so!
__________________
Actually, it's both big and clever.

The Extraordinary Adventures of Mr. Dreadful
My Poly-friendly Facebook Account - Add me, you know it makes sense...
My Main Facebook Account.
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 09-20-2010, 02:09 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
Posts: 790
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PollyPocket View Post
Recipe:
Girl on Top
Penis in Vagina
Hitachi Magic Wand on Clit

Guaranteed.
Not guaranteed. Hitatchi irritates the FUCK out of me. I hate it.
__________________
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create


My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

Jane
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 09-20-2010, 02:21 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
Posts: 790
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeJoKo View Post
Sex starts when SEX starts. Words are not sex. I don't get horny from words that come from someone I've known for years... only from people I am just meeting. I can be turned on by people I've known for years, sometimes, but I usually just shave sex out of obligation with them. I HATE that about me and am going to see a psychologist for it... so all these people telling me just not to do it isn't helping what so ever. I want to understand, not just NOT do it.

Please explain how restricting sex to what sex actually is is restricting my and and body. I mean, if all those things you mentioned are sex, then I have sex with my mom, just without the physical stuff... except when she hugs me against my will.
To comment on the *words are not sex* comment. Words are not sex but sex starts in the mind. The most important sex organ IS the mind

He can talk to me, turn me on like no tomorrow and without EVER touching me, bring me to the brink of orgasm. 10 seconds of touching and that's it - I explode all over the place.

People on here talk about clitoral stimulation a lot because orgasm through vaginal stimulation is not common.

I don't orgasm from G-spots - even though its "common" I don't squirt, even though its "common" And I have NEVER had an orgasm through vaginal penetration on its own. Clitoral stimulation is always necessary.

My suggestion to you would be to spend some time with yourself. Touch your body in different ways, figure out what DOES feel good instead of focussing on what doesn't.

Have fun with it And don't put so much pressure on yourself to orgasm. Sex feels good. All of it - not just the orgasm part.
__________________
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create


My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

Jane
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:03 PM
phoenix762's Avatar
phoenix762 phoenix762 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 48
Default

I really don't have much to add, all the above posters have some excellent advice...I just want to say that I'm reading something much more than your inability to have a vaginal orgasm (and BTW, I cannot, I can SOMETIMES with stimulation beforehand, sometimes nothing helps). It seems like you are really, REALLY hard on yourself.

You are NOT defective, not by any stretch of the imagination, not at all.

Oh, and BTW, when I could not come to orgasm with my husband, at first he took it bad, he was upset that he couldn't "perform". Is it, as another poster pointed out, his ego talking? I think so. I never really thought of it that way, but, yeah, that makes sense. I would have to tell him that it wasn't HIM, it was ME, and being close to him and sharing the time together and making him happy was what mattered.

Now I suppose my wanting to make "him" happy is MY ego talking...and yeah, it is. I do have to admit it...if I didn't satisfy him, I would really feel terrible...for him, but also that I didn't do my part....interesting. I never really saw it that way before....thanks for the insight...
*slips out of thread, muddling over this concept....*
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:00 AM.