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  #11  
Old 09-20-2010, 02:55 AM
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openmarriagelove openmarriagelove is offline
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I just joined, but I can't help to read your post and feel like I should help. My day job is a sex educator and so perhaps my credentials will help you believe the previous answer a little more. Only 23-27% of American women actually have an orgasm from sex. Many friends lie because like you they think it's not normal if they're not having an orgasm from sex. And by sex I mean the most common referred to action of penis in vagina. Sex to everyone is different and to some means no penetration at all, but from reading I think to you it means penetration.

Without understanding your body you're going to continue to be frustrated that you feel like you're not being normal in your sex practices. However if you had any idea how common it is for women to be frustrated like you because they are not having an orgasm with their partner inside of them you'd feel much more normal.

I would really recommend getting more comfortable with understanding how orgasm and your vagina works before working on it with your partner as a personal understanding helps in connecting with your partner much more. He's not very far off base asking for intimacy without orgasm. This is very common and can be acheived if you take the equation of sex and make it simpler. To some poeple sex starts from the minute they get up with a sexy note they leave for their partner before they leave for work, or a sexy text they send, or the fact that they went out of their way to grab something special for dinner because they knew their partner had a rough day. When you confine labeling "sex" to just when penetration occurs in the bedroom you restrict your mind and body to all kinds of experiences of intimacy and sensation and absolute wonderfulness that is waiting for you if you're willing to experience it. I'd strongly suggest reading I Love Female Orgasm and try reconnecting with yourself.

Good luck xo
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  #12  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:06 AM
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A 2005 twin study found that one in three women reported never or seldom achieving orgasm during intercourse, and only one in ten always orgasmed. This variation in ability to orgasm, generally thought to be psychosocial, was found to be 34% to 45% genetic. The study, examining 4000 women, was published in Biology letters, a Royal Society journal.
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  #13  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:08 AM
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I think the point of sex in a relationship is to feel that bond and to make eachother feel good. Now in your situation, it's a bit complicated, but I think he still just wants to feel that sexual closeness, and also he wants to orgasm.

my best advice is oral. Give him head, he gets off, your vaj isn't hurt. He may also be able to make u feel good, even if not cum, with some good tongue work. Or let him use the toy on you, tell him where you like it. It'll at least help him feel a part of your pleasure..
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  #14  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:11 AM
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Sex is an energy exchange...orgasm is a massive dump of energy but not necessary for me. It's like holding in a secret and then finally just blurting it out; the pressure subsides for a while until you need to tell another secret

I could exchange energy all day!
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  #15  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:13 AM
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My point in posting all of this, is that whoever or whatever put the notion in your head that you are defective is plain wrong.

More backgorund... "The "two-orgasm theory" (the belief that in females there is a vaginal orgasm and a clitoral orgasm), has been criticized by feminists such as Ellen Ross and Rayna Rapp as a "transparently male perception of the female body". The concept of purely vaginal orgasm was first postulated by Sigmund Freud. In 1905, Freud argued that clitoral orgasm was an adolescent phenomenon, and upon reaching puberty the proper response of mature women changes to vaginal orgasms. While Freud provided no evidence for this basic assumption, the consequences of the theory were greatly elaborated, partly because many women felt inadequate when they could not achieve orgasm via vaginal intercourse that involved little or no clitoral stimulation. Freud's claims about this and many other biological subjects, were later largely proven false or based on supposition."

Got to love Freud, still warping minds nearly a 100 years later. (I was trained in psycho-dynamic theory - the modern incarnation of Freud's psychoanalysis so that was not a completely random comment).

And, more recently... "In 1966, Masters and Johnson published pivotal research about the phases of sexual stimulation. Their work included women and men, and unlike Alfred Kinsey earlier (in 1948 and 1953), tried to determine the physiological stages before and after orgasm. One of the results was the promotion of the idea that vaginal and clitoral orgasms follow the same stages of physical response. Masters and Johnson also argued that clitoral stimulation is the primary source of orgasms."

Same source psych wiki.

Clitoral orgasms are the bomb (or so I've been told). Enjoy them. Why worry abou the rest?
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  #16  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Yes different women's bodies work differently, one way of being isn't better or worse than another. Some women are multi orgasmic and others are not, some have vaginal orgasms some don't, some like oral some don't. It's not a comparison thing, you know what works for you for you to get off the heck with what works for other women. If you don't want to have vaginal sex because you don't get anything from it then don't.
That just makes me feel MORE defective.

I can't believe that having multiple vaginal orgasms isn't BETTER than having no vaginal orgasms. I doubt you will find a woman out there who wishes she didn't have vaginal orgasms. But if you do, introduce us. Maybe her logic will make sense to me.
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  #17  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MindfulAgony View Post
A 2005 twin study found that one in three women reported never or seldom achieving orgasm during intercourse, and only one in ten always orgasmed. This variation in ability to orgasm, generally thought to be psychosocial, was found to be 34% to 45% genetic. The study, examining 4000 women, was published in Biology letters, a Royal Society journal.
My mom and sister can orgasm during sex.
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  #18  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:30 AM
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Recipe:
Girl on Top
Penis in Vagina
Hitachi Magic Wand on Clit

Guaranteed.
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  #19  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TeJoKo View Post
My mom and sister can orgasm during sex.
And so, your grandmother or father could be to blame. Genes are as often passed through - without the parent having the gene expressed - as they are passed on from a parent who clearly has that gene.

My point still stands. You have good company with nearly 30% of all women. And, there's sufficient scientific basis to suggest that a vaginal orgasm is indeed based in the clitoris. As such, why be concerned with clitoral stimulation during penile insertion? Why torture yourself with this [false] view of yourself as defective with ample evidence to the contrary?
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  #20  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by openmarriagelove View Post
I just joined, but I can't help to read your post and feel like I should help. My day job is a sex educator and so perhaps my credentials will help you believe the previous answer a little more. Only 23-27% of American women actually have an orgasm from sex. Many friends lie because like you they think it's not normal if they're not having an orgasm from sex. And by sex I mean the most common referred to action of penis in vagina. Sex to everyone is different and to some means no penetration at all, but from reading I think to you it means penetration.

Without understanding your body you're going to continue to be frustrated that you feel like you're not being normal in your sex practices. However if you had any idea how common it is for women to be frustrated like you because they are not having an orgasm with their partner inside of them you'd feel much more normal.

I would really recommend getting more comfortable with understanding how orgasm and your vagina works before working on it with your partner as a personal understanding helps in connecting with your partner much more. He's not very far off base asking for intimacy without orgasm. This is very common and can be acheived if you take the equation of sex and make it simpler. To some poeple sex starts from the minute they get up with a sexy note they leave for their partner before they leave for work, or a sexy text they send, or the fact that they went out of their way to grab something special for dinner because they knew their partner had a rough day. When you confine labeling "sex" to just when penetration occurs in the bedroom you restrict your mind and body to all kinds of experiences of intimacy and sensation and absolute wonderfulness that is waiting for you if you're willing to experience it. I'd strongly suggest reading I Love Female Orgasm and try reconnecting with yourself.

Good luck xo
I understand my body better than anyone my age could really hope to. I have had a lot of damn sex, probably more than many people twice my age (more than my mother and my sister, who both have vaginal orgasms.) I don't have female friends. I have been asking my mother, my sister, my boyfriend's girlfriend. Even my exboyfriend's girlfriend. All can do it except me. I have been told its age, but one of them is 21, so I call bullshit on that.

Sex starts when SEX starts. Words are not sex. I don't get horny from words that come from someone I've known for years... only from people I am just meeting. I can be turned on by people I've known for years, sometimes, but I usually just shave sex out of obligation with them. I HATE that about me and am going to see a psychologist for it... so all these people telling me just not to do it isn't helping what so ever. I want to understand, not just NOT do it.

Please explain how restricting sex to what sex actually is is restricting my and and body. I mean, if all those things you mentioned are sex, then I have sex with my mom, just without the physical stuff... except when she hugs me against my will. (I HATE being touched when I am upset, but she just says "I'm your mother", which to me means she should know better or care more, but whatever.)
Also under that logic I can have sex with my boyfriend without him knowing... or have sex with him while he is at work then not even touch him when he gets home. That just makes no sense to me.
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