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  #21  
Old 08-30-2010, 11:25 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I have a theory that he wants me there so I can tell her he likes her if the situation warrants it, because he won't do it himself
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  #22  
Old 08-30-2010, 11:55 PM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I have a theory that he wants me there so I can tell her he likes her if the situation warrants it, because he won't do it himself
...

I'll neither confirm nor deny this theory...
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  #23  
Old 09-08-2010, 10:00 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Back from a day and a half with Sean!

I finally got to meet him after being in a long-distance relationship for about two months (wow, it feels like longer). I was nervous before the trip and during the trip... Meeting someone from the first time after knowing them online only can be hit or miss. There is so much that is about the connection, the way things feel, that you only get in person...

It was a bit awkward for all of five minutes :P He was waiting outside of the Greyhound station, we hugged, climbed into his car, went to the hotel and I took a shower.
Then we kissed and snuggled some more, and from that point onward it was like we had been in a face to face relationship from the start. It all felt very natural.
We talked and snuggled a lot. We were both exhausted so we didn't really get to do much. Watched some DVDs, ate out... We also had sex, which was great, and slept together (as in, actually sleeping).

A day and a half isn't much, but it added a new dimension to our relationship. As close as I felt to him, meeting in person is a needed step for me to be in a "real" relationship, to have something to show for it, if I'm making any sense.

What helps is that we already know when we're seeing again: he's coming in December (he'll meet Rag for the first time then). I think having the next meetup planned even before we had this one is something that made me feel much better when we had to part. There is something to look forward to, plans, something stable.

It was hard saying goodbye, as happy as I was to go back to my husband. I'm sure every hinge has felt that at some point. I'm glad next time will be with all three of us... Although I wonder what the dynamics will be like then
I'm sure the guys will get along though, they already are after all. I'm very happy about the trip and excited about the next one. Now to start planning the one after that...
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  #24  
Old 09-09-2010, 05:03 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Yay! Glad it went so well.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

There's no lying in polyamory!

I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
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  #25  
Old 09-09-2010, 04:44 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Yay! Glad it went so well.
Thank you! We're all very happy.
Now to prepare for the dinner with J (Rag's interest) this weekend .
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  #26  
Old 09-16-2010, 03:29 PM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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As Tonberry mentioned, over the weekend (well, Monday actually, but it was a day off for me so it's close enough) we had J over for dinner.

The evening went quite well, J seemed impressed with the food, especially that I'd made greek salad, which is one of her favorites. She and Tonberry got along, and one of our cats really took a liking to her too.

Afterwards, though... I'm at a complete loss for how to procede. She has an open invitation to come by again for dinner after work, but I can't tell if she'll take me up on it, and I'm nervous about pressing in case things go south as a result.

I also found out that some of her family are trying to set her up with people or push her to find someone, so I have this nagging fear that I might lose my opportunity if she does meet another guy as a result.

I'm hoping that I'll find the time to mentally sort things out, to be able to slow down enough to work past the anxiety and figure out what I can do, but between working full time and starting a three month course that might be difficult. I'm just glad I have Tonberry to help, I don't know what I'd do without her support.

There's also the little matter that if I do start dating J we'll likely have to come out to my family, which will be interesting to say the least. I know I'll have to eventually anyways, but I'd rather not rush it if we don't have to.

So to sum up, things seem to be going well, but I'm a nervous wreck anyways. Odd how when I phrase it that way my first thought is that it sums up my character pretty well for life in general.
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  #27  
Old 09-20-2010, 12:06 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Some confusing events have occured.
The diner was great, J is nice, funny, and we hit it off nicely.

However lately she has been sending interesting messages. There is the possibility that she is joking, of course, but by how much? Is it all based on something?

Yesterday Rag talked about it's good that I'm good with money because he isn't. She asked if she could marry me, too, so I'd help her with her money.
Today she asked Rag how he'd feel about being a bigamist.

It seems to me she has polyamory on her mind... when she was over she mentioned a dream in which her mother had many husbands.

I'm mostly confused about the joke about marrying ME, which in itself wouldn't be something I look at twice. But I'm wondering, now, if she's realised Rag likes her and thinks we both want a relationship with her? Romantically I mean. I'm only interested in men, but if she didn't mean that way it will be weird to tell her so... And I don't want to stop being friendly with her, either.

Either way, I think it's rather positive that she's been joking about it. It seems to me she's trying to bring the subject in one way or other.
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  #28  
Old 09-20-2010, 01:46 PM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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Confusion sums up my feelings quite nicely... in fact yesterday seems like one giant moment of "wait... what the hell just happened?"

After Tonberry made her post, I had some time alone with J due to our other coworker having to leave early during the part of the day that's pretty much down time, so we started talking. I told her a bit about the trip Tonberrry and I have planned for her after she gets her permanent residency in Canada to go spend a month in California, omitting the part about it being to see her boyfriend. She responded with "well what do I get after I get rid of this cold?" and I offered to take her out to dinner, which she didn't think was fair because Tonberry gets a trip to California. I made a joke about scale, and we eventually decided that when I got back from vacation I'll take her out to dinner to reward her for not killing the coworker whom she, I and one of our coworkers have dubbed Captain Grumpy Pants (the captain part was my contribution).

So... I'm not entirely sure, but I think I asked J out on a date and she said yes.
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  #29  
Old 09-20-2010, 02:53 PM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I'm mostly confused about the joke about marrying ME, which in itself wouldn't be something I look at twice. But I'm wondering, now, if she's realised Rag likes her and thinks we both want a relationship with her? Romantically I mean. I'm only interested in men, but if she didn't mean that way it will be weird to tell her so... And I don't want to stop being friendly with her, either.

Either way, I think it's rather positive that she's been joking about it. It seems to me she's trying to bring the subject in one way or other.
I had a thought about this earlier this morning, and I think a part of the missing context is important... there was a mutual friend of J and myself in the room. J is straight as well, so she could joke about marrying Tonberry freely and have it be "safe", but when she made the bigamy comment she and I were the only ones in earshot... it might not be significant, but who knows?

I also suspect that J might know I'm in an open marriage. While I haven't come out yet, I've been testing the waters with a couple of... let's say poly friendly comments at work, to which she's mostly responded in neutral to positive ways, although jokingly in each circumstance. J has a great sense of humour though (which is the biggest reason I'm attracted to her), so she jokes about a lot of things and I can't take it as a dismissal of the concept.

Maybe I'm overthinking this, overthinking is my forté, but a little optimism can't hurt.

Last edited by Ragabash; 09-20-2010 at 03:49 PM.
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  #30  
Old 09-21-2010, 01:36 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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New update: J's and Rag's coworker with the same position as J is going to have to take a few days off for medical reasons, and J is replacing him. As a result, she's working without days off, and Rag invited her to supper tomorrow.

It's a short notice compared to last time, but I'm really glad the relationship keeps moving forward. There was a bit of a "now what?" feeling after she came for supper the first time, as we had no other plans with her and didn't know how to make them.

Hopefully with that and Rag and her "date" after we're back from Vancouver, the relationship will be given a chance to get closer, and we'll see what comes out of it .
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