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Old 09-15-2010, 07:05 PM
citygirl citygirl is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: minnesota
Posts: 6
Default mixed signals?

Ok, so far it has been okay, except for the fact that he won't defriend her on facebook. He claims that he would have to give up ALL his friends. I said I am only asking him to give up 1 friend-her. Am I being too controlling here? I keep telling him that I need time to get over this and heal. UGH.
What is he trying to tell me?

Also, another one of his past girlfriends just showed up as a friend. I told him that it bothered me and please defriend her. He said it was done but she is still there! What gives? Does he think I am that stupid or that I will just forget it?
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Old 09-15-2010, 08:04 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Defriending one person does not equate to losing all of one's friends. He may actualy believe that the first would result in the second or he may just be using that as a rationale to keep her involved in his life in some capacity.

As for the appearance of an ex in his friends list, I'm friends with most of my exes, so I don't worry about that sort of thing (and one of Curly's exes popped up on FB, too). As for saying he de-friended her when she's still on his friends list...it may be a FB glitch or he may be lying again. Have him de-friend her again and check to make certain FB reports it done and she doesn't appear on his list. If she then reappears later, it indicates he added her back.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 09-15-2010, 10:57 PM
Derrythe Derrythe is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 16

The only way I can think that defriend her will lose him other friends is if they defriend him because of it. As to the other ex showing up, being someone's friend on Facebook really doesn't mean anything, while I'm not friends with any of my past girlfriends, I'm fairly abnormal in that I only keep friends on Facebook that i would actually like that spend time with on occasion most people friend anyone they have met once and didn't totally hate. Most of my friends have friends listed that they don't even know. What i would focus on is the lying taking place here. He said that she isn't his friend anymore but she is, that is the problem, not really that she was to begin with.
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Old 09-18-2010, 11:57 AM
vodkafan vodkafan is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 228

Same as what everybody else is saying. This is NOT poly because you didn't know about it beforehand.
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Old 09-18-2010, 03:02 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 305

No contact means no contact, no matter how innocuous Facebook really is. He needs to rebuild trust, and if what you need to do that is no contact with ex-girlfriends, then he should respect that. It just draws the process out if he drags his feet!

I've got to be honest, I would be thinking hard about changing the locks while he was out one day. He's showing a lack of respect for your feelings and your marriage that I would have a hard time justifying.
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Old 09-18-2010, 10:07 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Location: Canada
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I'm wondering what of the age difference? You mentioned the age of this woman. Is there something in that for you?

Perhaps he finds the fact that a young woman interested in him is what this is about for him. He likes the admiration and swooning she does? Just a thought.
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