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Old 09-16-2010, 02:05 PM
gwendolenthefair's Avatar
gwendolenthefair gwendolenthefair is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 62
Default My new partner isn't comfortable with physical affection

I am a very physical, cuddly person and my boyfriend of three months is the polar opposite. I am finding that I initiate everything in terms of affection between us. I take his hand, I initiate hugs and kisses, I initiate sex. He's fairly receptive to everything I do and seems to enjoy himself, especially sexually. He is VERY nervous about PDAs though; in front of other people, even strangers, he only seems comfortable holding my hand, nothing else.

He was raised Catholic, although is no longer practicing, and I wonder if this might be affecting how he is. He is also used to getting very little physical affection, period. He is currently in a sexless, affection-less marriage with a woman who has decided she is gay. It sounds like even well before she came to that decision, he wasn't getting much affection or sex from her. I would think he would be starved for it, but he acts like he's used to doing without it. She was his first and only girlfriend and only sexual partner until he met me.

I am trying to figure out the best way to talk to him about this, without causing problems between us in a very new relationship. I am very attracted to him and would welcome a lot of kissing and cuddling, which I am used to getting from my husband. I have been seeing boyfriend once a week and since we don't have much time together, I'd like to make the most of it, not just sexually (we do usually have sex, although he doesn't seem to make it a big priority), but in terms of physical affection too. I did tell him, "I feel like I am always kissing you first" and after that he did initiate ONE kiss, but that was the only time. He has mentioned that his wife has complained about his passivity quite a bit.

I keep worrying that he's just not that into me. We have a huge age difference between us (I'm much older than he is). He does tell me how much he likes me and that he thinks I'm attractive, but so far, he hasn't been very good at showing it. I'm not sure whether this matters or not. He also very obviously has low self-esteem and I've been trying to help him with this, although I don't know if I am succeeding.

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