Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 09-14-2010, 08:10 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by foxflame88 View Post
So last night, he got home from work, and continued to ignore me, aside asking what I made for dinner. I ended up going to bed upset again, this time crying myself to sleep. About 5am, I couldn't take it anymore, and sent him an email telling him how I feel. Hoping he will talk tome about it later. ~sigh~
Why did you wait so long? Personally I have found that the sooner I address an issue the sooner it is dealt with and no longer is an issue. When things are left for longer than they need to be they get bigger and take on a life of their own within a relationship. Any relationship! friendship, parent child relationship and certainly a love one!

I'm not sure if leaving it so long was the best thing to do. It could of been a short conversation of "where did you go" "why didn't you tell me" and "next time I would appreciate some consideration when you are going to go out with someone and here is how"... end of story, no need to fret and no need to have this last days on end.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 09-14-2010, 08:43 PM
foxflame88's Avatar
foxflame88 foxflame88 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Birmingham, AL, USA
Posts: 582
Default

I waited because I knew if I didn't, my anger would take over the conversation. We've talked about the situation. He said he knew I was upset as soon as he got home from the movie, but was "too busy" to talk. ~eyeroll~ (He was busy chatting online and playing a video game.)

As for all day yesterday, all he could say was "why didn't you tell me what was bothering you?" Admiittedly, I should have spoken up. But I was really feeling insignificant to him, like I (and my feelings) didn't matter. ugh (yes, I know, vicious circle... we both need to work on communicating.) I want him to start offering up information without me having to pull it out of him, and he wants me to speak up when I'm upset.

Even though we have talked, he STILL doesn't think he did anything wrong. He did however apologize for hurting my feelings and allowing it to continue as long as it did without asking me about it.
__________________
Alli
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. ~Woody Allen
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 09-15-2010, 02:57 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

I'm still not sure how this all happened. What's wrong with acting out of anger? Anger is there to propell us into what is hurting us. To get to the root of issues. I wonder if you had just expressed what you felt in the moment; anger and all, if you would feel that sense of insignificance. I know when I let myself be angry and call people on their shit, then it gets me to the end of it quickly and keeps things simple. Whats your experience of anger that you feel like it should pass before you talk?

I doubt anyone could ever read your mind. Can you read his? I'm not sure its fair to expect him to know what to say or ask. Why not tell him, give him the words. After a time I find that people begin to get what I expect of them and them of me. Assuming and expectations don't seem to work in my opinion. People are selfish and think of themselves its natural to. That's why we need to use that selfishness and tell them what I need from them. Often they are grateful. Of course often the way I say it is playful and in the moment. I don't let anything sit unless I don't understand it. Getting it out there is really important to everyones sanity. At least for me anyways.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 09-15-2010, 04:52 AM
Morningglory629's Avatar
Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 727
Default

Aw Foxflame, this is a terrible situation, and kind of bewildering. Did he think he told you he was going? Sometimes they just don't get that specifics would be better than open ended. I am hoping it all works out soon. I think you should just ask, he obviously doesn't realize what you are interpreting here.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 09-15-2010, 06:40 AM
foxflame88's Avatar
foxflame88 foxflame88 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Birmingham, AL, USA
Posts: 582
Default

Ok, now I am beyond livid. We actually did a lot of talking today. I started feeling a bit better about him continuing to see her and see where thier budding relationship might go... he's been chatting with her a good part of the night, I even briefly chatted with her, and she is supposed to meet me this weekend, before they go out again. He mentioned they might have an overnight visit soon. I'm a little concerned, and tell him so.

He just took a shower and I asked him if I could read his chat log with her. He allowed me to read it.... she made a comment about "not usually sleeping with someone on a first meeting." I fucking went off. I am so mad.
__________________
Alli
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. ~Woody Allen
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 09-15-2010, 12:00 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

So, I want to see if I understand this right:

He told you he had decided to meet this woman, but not specifically when.

You two had sex, then he got dressed and left without saying a word, and went out and got laid by the Internet woman.

Then he came back to bed with you and didn't speak to you until late the next day.

Is that pretty much how it went down?
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 09-15-2010, 12:19 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 96
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
So, I want to see if I understand this right:

He told you he had decided to meet this woman, but not specifically when.

You two had sex, then he got dressed and left without saying a word, and went out and got laid by the Internet woman.

Then he came back to bed with you and didn't speak to you until late the next day.

Is that pretty much how it went down?

....

I really hope you are misreading the situation. But I think that you have pretty much summed it up.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 09-15-2010, 01:02 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DharmaBum23 View Post
....

I really hope you are misreading the situation. But I think that you have pretty much summed it up.
The way I was originally going to say it was much, much more crude.

I'm trying to stick to the facts. I have a tendency toward editorializing things.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 09-15-2010, 01:05 PM
foxflame88's Avatar
foxflame88 foxflame88 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Birmingham, AL, USA
Posts: 582
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
So, I want to see if I understand this right:

He told you he had decided to meet this woman, but not specifically when.

You two had sex, then he got dressed and left without saying a word, and went out and got laid by the Internet woman.

Then he came back to bed with you and didn't speak to you until late the next day.

Is that pretty much how it went down?
No, he NEVER told me that he had decided to meet her... just that she asked him out. He never said he accepted.
No, he did NOT come home and go to bed with me. We have slept seperatly since his "date" and after finding out he had sex with her, I am glad!
__________________
Alli
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. ~Woody Allen
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 09-15-2010, 01:08 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 96
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeonKaos View Post
The way I was originally going to say it was much, much more crude.

I'm trying to stick to the facts. I have a tendency toward editorializing things.
With the greatest respect to your editorializing, I would be amazed if anything any of us could add would trump the simple, brief summary.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
communication, communication skills

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:47 AM.