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  #21  
Old 08-07-2009, 03:45 AM
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I'm glad you are not going away AJ. There is so much to learn on this forum. I am really glad that you are able to take baby steps with your partner. It sounds like she is moving very slowly and that is a good thing.

Is she on here or reading up? I would love to talk to her too as I soooo remember where I was at with all this when I told my ex-wife that I was interested in men still.

I really feel for your situation as it is so much like how we started out. It has made me so proud of my journey and all the work I have put in. I continue to feel blessed and fortunate to be so loved too.

I am fiery when I hear that people are being mistreated because they aren't standing up for themselves, and when they are mistreating others because either the other doesn't know what is going on or is unable to stand up for themselves....

My ex-girlfriend used to call me a kind of poly super hero that protects the weak and those going down a path of destruction. I don't know about that, but it made me feel that I am at least a voice of some kind of reason in the poly world....

I know most of the time people don't want to hear it, but most of the time people appreciate that I can sum up stuff that they are not seeing and kick them in the ass at the same time. Besides, if you don't want a real opinion then don't start a thread I figure.

I don't have any reason to do that with you AJ, you are kicking your own ass, and treating each other with the respect you both deserve. No wonder you have had such a successful relationship so far! I'm so glad to hear that you are both working on making it even better and stronger! Nothing like a shot of poly to do that.... if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger and even more in love.... I guarantee it!
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  #22  
Old 08-07-2009, 04:05 AM
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Nothing like a shot of poly to do that.... if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger and even more in love.... I guarantee it!
I must admit. I probably wouldn't recommend poly to a couple if they were trying to make thier relationship stronger and better..We truly have some very different wiring LOL!! Not a bad thing..that just makes us stronger and better!
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  #23  
Old 08-07-2009, 06:58 AM
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I must admit. I probably wouldn't recommend poly to a couple if they were trying to make thier relationship stronger and better..We truly have some very different wiring LOL!! Not a bad thing..that just makes us stronger and better!
I simply meant that by challenging their relationship to be better after a stagnation time they would have the chance to make their relationship stronger because of their interest in poly. No I would not recommend poly to mono people as couples therapy. They just can't handle it cheeky!
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  #24  
Old 08-07-2009, 07:02 AM
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They just can't handle it cheeky!
Saucey, but oh so true
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  #25  
Old 08-07-2009, 05:27 PM
AJbear77 AJbear77 is offline
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I don't have any reason to do that with you AJ, you are kicking your own ass, and treating each other with the respect you both deserve. No wonder you have had such a successful relationship so far! I'm so glad to hear that you are both working on making it even better and stronger! Nothing like a shot of poly to do that.... if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger and even more in love.... I guarantee it![/QUOTE]


Yeah, well, if nothing else, the discussion in general has helped our relationship in terms of re-evaluating us, what we want and what we don't, more importantly - Why. It also got us talking about us and what we need to improve.

Like I said, I am the one who started the convo, because I am really good at seeing both sides of a situation and when I read the Jenny Block article that came up under my AOL news headlines, I was like, hmmmmm. I could see the good things about it. I can also guess the possible negatives, at least as it pertains to me and my relationship, but did not weigh that first before broaching this with my partner. I can't guess when it comes to others. I think that it is an advancement in consciousness to make this sort of arrangement work. I commend those who can.

Since I am so spiritual as in how it relates to energy and consciousness, I knew there had to exist something on this from a perspective I could really relate to. I googled Spiritual Polyamory and came across Mysticlife's spiritual polyamory. He has a book, website, and a youtube video of him reading from this book and I could TOTALLY relate to what he was saying. He definitely challenges ideas and social norms and why. It made me realize that spiritually speaking, a majority of society is trapped in what I like to call 'toddler consciousness'...basically EGO (myself included, although at least I realize it). Funny enough, the toddler years are when the Ego is formed. I always find it humorous when me and my partner get 'in trouble' for touching each other or showing any sort of affection in his presence, because it is not being geared towards him. Toddler's do not like to share and are very 'me' and 'mine' oriented. Anyway, this whole subject has given me so much insight if nothing else.

My partner's views would be interesting; however, she is not a forum kind of a person. She likes her internet to check her email, watch something on Hulu, or play yahoo word games, lol. So you wont find her here. If and when we were to discuss this again later down the line, and she had an interest, I would want some things on this forum to be required reading. I think at this point, it would be much easier to be poly out of the gate with someone that I was just starting a romance with, not someone that I have been in a closed relationship all this time with, built my life with, and have a child with. We have too many things riding on the success of our relationship to intentionally add another potentially difficult variable to, on purpose. This goes for me as well. The cost/benefit ratio of me meeting someone new are just too big and not worth it to me at this point.

I appreciate all your feedback. You keep up the good work here and with your loves.
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  #26  
Old 08-07-2009, 05:30 PM
AJbear77 AJbear77 is offline
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I forgot to mention that we have a toddler and that is why I referenced what our toddler does up there...little jealous thing he is.
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  #27  
Old 08-07-2009, 05:51 PM
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Thanks for the spiritual links.... very interesting indeed

What's the jenny block thing?

I'll have to check up on Hulu too!

geez, so much to catch up on!
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  #28  
Old 08-08-2009, 02:45 AM
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I don't like the idea that a man can penetrate her and I can't. This is WAY more intimacy than I am able to have...the ability to feel her inside, and I don't want to share her in a way that I am not able to have her if that makes sense.
To me (as a man) the act of penetration is not what brings intimacy to my relationship with my gf. Intimacy, IMHO, comes from a meeting of the minds. How close can anyone truly be physically is only a matter of a few inches. But true intimacy really comes from the mind.

The most intimate moments my gf and I have shared have not involved my penis being anywhere near her virgina. Just holding each other and talking all night, sharing our thoughts, hopes, fears, desires, etc., have brought us closer together than any of the penetration we've experienced.
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  #29  
Old 08-08-2009, 03:04 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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AJ it sounds like you're pretty in tune with what's driving your psyche. Intimacy issues, trust issues, jealousy and emotional abandonement...what a smorgasboard! It isn't hard to see why you feel the way you do. Obviously, fears need to be dealt with adequately for you two to be able to move forward. Are these issues surmountable?
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  #30  
Old 08-09-2009, 06:06 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Originally Posted by ThirdWheel View Post
To me (as a man) the act of penetration is not what brings intimacy to my relationship with my gf. Intimacy, IMHO, comes from a meeting of the minds. How close can anyone truly be physically is only a matter of a few inches. But true intimacy really comes from the mind.

The most intimate moments my gf and I have shared have not involved my penis being anywhere near her virgina. Just holding each other and talking all night, sharing our thoughts, hopes, fears, desires, etc., have brought us closer together than any of the penetration we've experienced.
Because of unpleasant life experiences, I don't see penetration with a penis as an intimate act either, unless it is attached to the RIGHT man. I was raped by a bf repeatedly when a teen, and again by someone I thought was friend years later. There was nothing intimate about it. But laying there at night with my gf in my arms, talking, laughing, cuddling, even just being in the room with her and sharing a knowing smile....THAT was intimacy. No one can take away that intimacy you have with your gf and no one can replace it, regardless of what differences their body has to offer.

The fact you're willing to listen to her desires and try to be open to them is a beautiful gift. She can be honest with you and you can, in turn, be honest with her. Unless something goes seriously wrong emotionally between you two, I don't think she'd leave you for a man simply because he is a man.
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