Cassius23's Blog

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by DharmaBum23

and I am having problems pushing my abs enough for soreness. .

I've had the same problem with abs..you get bored before really feeling it. A friend of mine showed me an exercise that works pretty good.

You do a vertical lift like this picture but hold a dumbbell between your feet. I use a 17 or 20 lb weight and it gives me a good burn fast. I also do decline crunches on the max angle with a 35 lb weight on my chest. I don't go all the way up and down but hold about half way up and more like roll my abs forward to isolate them. Just a thought! Good for you for looking after yourself..balance is everything, the spiritual, intellectual and physical.
Nice work!

[SNeacail]

Originally Posted by DharmaBum23

I'm still having to help a lot of people through challenges. One person is going through situational depression, another is going through harsh life circumstances, and a third is dealing with moving. I'm trying my best not to let their depression pull me down and most days I do ok. I hate feeling powerless to help people that I care about.

This makes me smile. This is such a guy thing, to have the need to fix it and make it better. I will be complaining about something to my husband, when all of a sudden I realize that I had better tell him that I don't want him to try and fix it, I just need someone to listen to me babble on. It can get really creepy when it is your kids trying to fix whatever you are complaining about .

[DharmaBum23]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

I've had the same problem with abs..you get bored before really feeling it. A friend of mine showed me an exercise that works pretty good.

You do a vertical lift like this picture but hold a dumbbell between your feet. I use a 17 or 20 lb weight and it gives me a good burn fast. I also do decline crunches on the max angle with a 35 lb weight on my chest. I don't go all the way up and down but hold about half way up and more like roll my abs forward to isolate them. Just a thought! Good for you for looking after yourself..balance is everything, the spiritual, intellectual and physical.
Nice work!

I think I will do just that today. The big problem I have is that it tends to hit my lower back before it hits my abs. However, I am taking that as a sign that I need to do more back work(to add to the ab work and the pec work and the, you get the idea).

Originally Posted by SNeacail

This makes me smile. This is such a guy thing, to have the need to fix it and make it better. I will be complaining about something to my husband, when all of a sudden I realize that I had better tell him that I don't want him to try and fix it, I just need someone to listen to me babble on. It can get really creepy when it is your kids trying to fix whatever you are complaining about .

Yeah. Guilty as charged. For me a lot of it is that I am a "fixer" by nature. A lot of problems I've gotten into in past relationships has been because I want to make as many things as possible "ok" for the people I'm with. In the case of my SO, she has fibromyalgia which means that she is not "ok" as a rule, will probibly never be "ok" and nothing I can do will ever make her "ok". This does make me more indifferent in regards to her and other's discomfort but it also makes it harder when things aren't going well for her.

[DharmaBum23]

Another weekend.

I hung out with my SO and her OSO Friday and Saturday. Saturday I went to my SO's sister's engagement party. It was(to me) a big family affair. The thing is that my SO is kinda sorta closeted. It is difficult because I don't know if I should be closeted or not when it comes to her family. This is especially difficult if someone comes out and asks me who I am to my SO(which happened this Saturday).

I ended up deciding to be closeted and make sure that the focus was put on the sister and not my own dating proclivities.

But the most difficult part was that it accentuated something that I have been struggling to accept.

When I first started dating my SO she made it clear that she just thought of it as having two boyfriends. The thing is that no matter what she says, there has emerged what seems to me is a clear hierarchy and, to be blunt, I am not on the top. Her OSO is the "official" BF for family functions and is the BF that she lives with. I live on my own, talk to her online and see her a few times a week when I hang out with them at their apartment. Even if she sees us as two boyfriends or coprimaries, the reality of the situation is that her OSO is a primary in every way that primaries are externally measured and I am the secondary.

When things are going ok, this gives me time to do things I want to do like travel, reading, watching movies that her and her OSO don't like, and engaging with the world in a way that she doesn't want to.

When things are rough this gives me time to be more and more miserable and lonely.

This is one of those low periods, unfortunately. I just need to knuckle down, man up, and get through it. I don't know if tomorrow will be a better day, but it will be a different day and that is a start.

[DharmaBum23]

Well, I think I did something to my lower back.

Last week at a party at my SO's house, I stayed over without my ambien(bad idea 1), then went to sleep on a very, very bad bed(it has a metal rod right about where one's back would be) and then went to the gym and worked my legs the next day.

Monday morning hurt a whole lot.

Now it's Saturday and it feels a lot better.

I'll say one thing for sure, I'm bringing my ambien to parties and taking the couch from now on.

[DharmaBum23]

Blah. I'm sitting alone again in my apartment.

I know I should be grateful that I'm not living under a bridge and have a little bit of money to get food and what not.

But I'm not.

I have been looking back on my relationship with my SO and realize that I would have been a lot happier if I would have laid down a lot more rules and/or vetoed the guy she is with now.

I know that I should be happy that she found someone that is almost perfect for her(he isn't better than me in every way, but he is a better fit for her in almost every way), but it's a little difficult for me to be happy when this is one of those days when it really hurts.

I'm thinking of maybe going to a bookstore or watching a movie or something.

This is one of the many days when poly is hard for me.

[DharmaBum23]

I'm sad, lonely, and poor right now.

I'm sad that I have failed in finding a good strong circle of friends. I'm sad that I have failed in finding an OSO. I'm sad that I have failed in getting my needs met from my current SO. I'm sad that I am not mentally healthy enough to date crazy and it not send me into a horrible tailspin(and crazy seems all I can get). I'm sad that I actually have needs that have to be met period. And I'm sad that I'm sad.

It's just a blah kindof day.

[MonoVCPHG]

Sorry your feeling so bad my friend. I don't know what else to say other than hopefully tomorrow brings a great and pleasant surprise

[DharmaBum23]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Sorry your feeling so bad my friend. I don't know what else to say other than hopefully tomorrow brings a great and pleasant surprise

Thank you. I just can't help but to get mad and that makes me sad. Being there for my SO should be enough in and of itself. I should feel this "glow" that makes sacrificeing for my SO worth it.

I don't feel that glow. I just feel hollow and empty and vaguely stupid.

At least I have art. I spent some time this evening watching something about the Medicis tonight. Some of the work they sponsored brought me to tears.

If poly gave me that, even once, I would say it was worth it. After watching that movie I think that I might be directing my energies improperly. More later. Good night.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by DharmaBum23

. Good night.

Sleep well