The simplest thing you will need.. is patience. LOTS of patience. The dynamic you're looking for is very common. There's a reason those women who fit the description you're seeking are called Unicorns.. they're not all that common. (ok, maybe women with the right mindset aren't "uncommon", but the ones that then fit into YOUR life and you into THEIRS.. that's where things start getting complex).
You can realistically expect to spend years looking, and go through some broken feelings and difficult situations in between.. it's all part of the process, but it's not like rolling up to the drive through, LOL.
Too bad... "Yeah, I'd like a brunette, long-ish hair, not too skinny, not too heavy, nice rack, blue eyes, great sense of humor. She's gotta like me and the wife both, but maybe be into the wife just a bit more. She shouldn't smoke, drink lightly, and have no baggage in her past to interfere with what we're trying to build. Honest, communicative, and understanding on the side, please"
Unfortunately, it's more complex than that...... but you'll also probably meet some very cool people and have some memories to keep along the way.. we just figure "if we find it, we find it. We'll keep our hopes flexible"... but we wish you luck! (Easy to wish you luck, you're far away, not competition