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Old 09-12-2010, 08:29 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,430
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Sometimes, people are more tolerant when it's people they know.
I'm not saying it's always the case, but sometimes when talking about generalities, they're quick to be harsh, but if they see that people they know and respect are like that, they shut up. It could have been something like that.

Maybe they have preconceptions that just need to be shut down. I think in cases like that, it's even more important to come out, so you can show a good example of poly that's working, and also show it's not something to be ashamed of so you're not hiding it.
Of course, I wouldn't blame you for keeping quiet.

A forum I used to go to reacted pretty strongly for very small things. I posted pictures of my breasts (not naked) as a reference to someone trying to draw breasts, and people were asking "aren't you married?" (even though my husband had been the one taking the pictures anyways!). Jokes and flirts led to people saying I was lucky my husband hadn't left me, and so on.
I thought "man, when I come out it's going to be a shit storm".

Turned out people mostly ignored it completely. The people who commented said things along the lines of "good for you, I couldn't do it". People took it very well. It was like a non-issue.

I was pretty shocked, but I guess it made sense if they thought until then that I was doing things behind my husband's back (even though it should have been obvious I wasn't), and suddenly realised it wasn't the case.

My point being, sometimes when you expect people to react terribly, they react very well. And of course it works the other way around, too. Some people you think will be fine with it but they turn out to take it really bad...

I like being out, it makes things simpler, and I hate the idea of hiding my boyfriend (since everyone knows I'm married, so it would be one way and unfair). But I can definitely see how it's hard to do so.
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Me: 30F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 32M, straight
Dragon: My boyfriend, 29M, pansexual, married to Fox
Fox: My boyfriend, 29M, homoflexible, married to Dragon
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coming out, coming out polyamorous, coming out to family

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