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Old 08-06-2009, 11:12 PM
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Default Sexual Ethics

What kinds of sexual activity or relationship are morally or ethically inappropriate?

What kinds of sexual activity should be socially discouraged? And why?

This topic originates from a conversation in this other thread.:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...1&postcount=17
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:19 PM
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Some resources on sexual ethics:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_ethics

http://www.askphilosophers.org/?q=&c...list=Questions
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Old 08-07-2009, 02:19 AM
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This question is for all who want to answer it -- and isn't directed at anyone in particular.:

Does the thought of two sisters (or brothers) dating the same guy (or gal) ... rub you the wrong way?

Should such a practice be socially discouraged?

If yes, why?
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Old 08-07-2009, 02:34 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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It isn't about the person dating the two relatives. It's about... how could one sibling put their mouth where the other sibling's cock or pussy has been (with or without condoms and douches and showers).

That is my glitch.

And there are plenty of other people in the world, it's not like you won't find "enough" love to be had.

To carry it one step further - it wouldn't be OK to simultaneously be involved with the same person one of my parents (or children, which along with siblings I also do not have), and I would by extension not do so with any member of my hhusband's immediate family.

However, I don't think these things should be illegal. I do not think that folks caught up in this type of situation are sick PEOPLE; but I do think it is an unhealthy interpersonal dynamic, in addition to the visceral aversion I described above (and in the other thread). I just cannot find it in myself to be empathetic about this.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 08-07-2009 at 02:37 AM.
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Old 08-09-2009, 02:03 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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For me, sexual ethics can simply be boiled down to the concept that it is ok for concenting adults to do anything as long as they harm no one. The grey area is in cases where there is hard. In those grey areas, I apply the golden rule (rule of reciprocity) to all involved to decide if it is ethical.

For example, conservatives complain that they are harmed by the knowledge that homosexuals are enganing in sex. However, I find the harm to be more minimal and lacking of internal insight, that I can easily dismiss it. I find this applies to most casesof "harmed by knowledge of existance" claims.

A lot of the time, when I feel a strong emotional response towards a situation, I have to really analysize it and think on the issue. One way I do it is to imagine the extremes. If my opinion changes from one extreem to asnother, I need to understand where I draw the line and why.

As an easy example, how do I feel about underaged sex? My first reaction is say it is wrong because they need an adult mentality to deal with it well. But I remember being young and wanting sex... Am I being unfair because I know it doesn't relate to me anymore? So one thing I do is see where the taboo lines are and why.

One major area is age difference. Society is more ok with a 17 and a 16 year old having sex than a 35 and a 16 year old. Why? We worry about the younger one being manipulated easily since they do not have a well established sexual identity. One example of this is from the Twilight series. My wife hates old men coming on to old women, but in that book a 90 year old guy wants to have a relationship with a young girl in high school. That did not bother my wife, so I asked her, "Why?" She said that the book did a good job of portraying the man as a 17 year old boy. In other words, he did not manipulate her with his 90 years of knowledge.

Incest is a tough one as well. The harm areas is that it could be a continuation of a childhood sexual identity issue and genetic problems with children. As an example where I was ok with incest, I heard about a man and woman getting married and later finding out that they were really siblings. However, they grew up as strangers. So to me, as long as they did not have biological children, it would be ok. In reality, I believe they annulled their marriage.

But that being said, I am not overly judgemental unless I see serious harm. For example, I know some people who have cheated on their spouse and I believe that they should not. However, I feel that is for them to decide what to do. A place where I will probably be judgemental is something like a person keeping a STD hidden from their lover.
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Old 08-09-2009, 02:33 PM
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Quath, you are wise in your words and I must say that I tend to agree with your point. It is not for us to judge the actions of others, it is for them to judge for themselves. If we start looking at the actions of others and saying "that's wrong" when it is their belief then we are no better than the zealots who burned the innocents in the Salem witch hunts. We are all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs and so long as no one is being hurt then I say live and let live.
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Old 08-09-2009, 03:40 PM
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Beautiful job Quath!

As long as there is no manipulation through, status, position, age or mentality I see no limits to what people can share sexually. I think we often let our own concept of what we will do cloud our judgement of what others should do. I certainly have in the past...but I am growing

I may not be a big fan of free loving but I am a huge fan of loving freely!

Take care everyone..great thread!
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Old 08-09-2009, 06:18 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Very nicely put Quath.

My first and foremost feeling on sexuality is that it should do no harm. Of course, "harm" can sometimes be in the eye of the beholder. For example, I am a proponent of legalizing prostitution, as I believe a woman (or man) should have the legal right to make money by selling of themselves and, with legal regulations, there would be less disease and violence attributed to it. However, the idea of married or coupled people going to prostitutes without the knowledge of their partners is morally offensive to me. But then one could make the case these cheats would do it anyway. So it becomes a round and round issue.

I have a gut reaction to the idea of relatives sharing a sexual partner. But that is my reaction, and has no bearing on the actual incidence. It's just that I have three siblings and there is an "ewww" factor I cannot help. My sister has dated one of my exes, years later, and that didn't bother me as much. But at the same time? Ewww.

Anything done to children, animals, or done without the full knowledge and consent of all involved and causing harm (including your comment about STDs) I find vile and would happily be at the head of that witch burning committee.
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Old 08-09-2009, 06:55 PM
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Ricavaler Ricavaler is offline
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I am very liberal and non-judgemtal when it comes to things of a sexual nature.
Basically, if everyone is and adult, and consenting then more power to them, no matter the activity.
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Old 08-09-2009, 09:46 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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No harm (physical and/or emotional), no foul. Full, informed consent is a must........and everything Quath said, lol.

I guess society craves for a single guiding light, a norm, to hold out before every person as an example. At least it has for 1000's of years, til now. Maybe this generation and this time period will end up being the "Golden Age of Divergence"? We can only hope. Maybe Obama can make it so! lol
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