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  #11  
Old 09-10-2010, 12:27 AM
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MsKtty89 MsKtty89 is offline
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I think it depends on the person. With my husband, his personality and brain got me before his looks did. With our love-interest, for me, it was looks first, then personality.

Both definitely has to be there, but in what order they are apparent depends.
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  #12  
Old 09-10-2010, 06:41 AM
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I have concluded, after many years of trying to figure out why I like the eclectic group of people I do, that I am attracted to hardcore individuality.

Show me a person who has the courage and enthusiasm to be comfortable being fully themselves, and that's the person I'll be drawn to. In this culture, that means I end up dating a collection of hippies, queers, gypsies, geeks and freaks (and one standup comic with the charismatic charm of a Southern TV evangelist). :P

In another time and place, I'd probably have loved the heretics, witches, shamans and fools.

Fortunately for me, most of these folks are smokin' HOT and tend to be cool with poly.
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  #13  
Old 09-14-2010, 08:30 PM
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Bizzarly/sadly i've yet to be physically actracted/fancy anyone I like as a person. (obv ocasionally in the street i've no way of knowing) but unfortunately my body mostly seems to like assholes (no not a scat fetish just dogdy phraising ) In terms of general atraction i'm pretty much with mono and rp, I get atracted to the vibes/energies whatever i get off people (learning I ignor them at my perril), thats yet to co-incide with fancying them, heres hoping it'll happen one day soon

Last edited by bimblynim; 09-15-2010 at 09:53 PM.
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  #14  
Old 09-15-2010, 05:13 AM
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I'm definitely attracted mostly to a person, but there is a dose of physical attraction too, although it's more about charm or chemistry than purely physical appearance.

I don't think I can be attracted to people just based on their appearance. They just feel empty to me if they don't have a personality. And falling in love is something I do with a person, not their body. Both my husband and my boyfriend I met online and developed feelings for before knowing what they looked like. Same for the man I have a crush on currently.
Sometimes I wonder if that's why my working relationships have been online. I get to meet the person, talk to them, get to know them and fall in love without knowing what they look like yet. Then when I see them, it's just a materialization of it, and I would say I do need that, being able to visualize the person, for it to evolve deeper and reach other levels, but maybe it works better for me if the way they look doesn't get in the way at first, if I'm making any sense.

I do think there can be some chemistry, too. With my ex, I can't say I really was in love with him, I really liked him as a friend, but there was a strong chemistry between us and physical attraction.

The thing with me though is that I tend to like imperfections the most. Things that make the person unique. And often, these are considered flaws - a crooked tooth, a scar, things like that. I like them because they're part of that specific person, they make them unique. I wouldn't care for them at all if they weren't part of a person I like, but I love them the most on the people I love.
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  #15  
Old 09-15-2010, 11:20 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
The thing with me though is that I tend to like imperfections the most. Things that make the person unique. And often, these are considered flaws - a crooked tooth, a scar, things like that. I like them because they're part of that specific person, they make them unique. I wouldn't care for them at all if they weren't part of a person I like, but I love them the most on the people I love.
Yes, I have definitely had this!
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  #16  
Old 04-22-2011, 09:17 AM
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Ah, this was a wonderful thread! This is exactly how my brain works in terms of who I am attracted to. I haven't been able to express it so well, and people tend to not believe it when I say what I think, which is so frustrating. People think that you are the biggest liar if you say that appearance has very little to do with who you find attractive.

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Originally Posted by TruckerPete View Post
Give me a traditionally HAWT man with a crummy personality, and I'll show you someone that I have no interest in. It does go to the point of affecting sexual desire. Perhaps this is why the vast majority of casual sex I've had has always been with friends? I find the act of trying to pick up at a bar unattractive, and so everyone in the bar just goes down a notch for me. (Even if I might have also been trying to pick up, not necessarily get laid.) Funny how the brain works!

Now women on the other hand ... I will immediately find a woman attractive! In terms of the strangers I check out, women make up 95%. Women tend to work backwards, if I find them immediately attractive. (If I don't find them immediately attractive, they follow the same path as a man.)
I definitely agree with your whole post, but this part about gender was especially interesting! Many women can be attractive to me on the basis of looks only, whereas men hardly ever. Of course, after talking to them the process is the same: if they have a great personality they become more attractive, if not I lose interest.

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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Angelina Jolie, if we are talking stars, is the type of woman I like. Now I know 70% of the population can say that, but my reasoning has to do more with her, then her physical attributes. I started crushing on her in Hackers. It was the look in her eyes. You knew she was a kinky girl. That personality captured me. If I catch that glitter of sexual recognition from a woman than I can instantly become attracted.
I have LOVED Angelina since a little girl when I saw her in Girl, Interrupted. There are so many levels of hot in her, how she looks is definitely not the biggest thing for me. She usually plays really interesting characters and is a very talented actress and that's why I like her. Although, if I met her in person and she was horrible that would propably erase it all.

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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
The thing with me though is that I tend to like imperfections the most. Things that make the person unique. And often, these are considered flaws - a crooked tooth, a scar, things like that. I like them because they're part of that specific person, they make them unique. I wouldn't care for them at all if they weren't part of a person I like, but I love them the most on the people I love.
Definitely true for me too! Maybe this is also why I can't understand people who try to look "perfect" (as in the closest they can be to the ideal as defined by society). Because I love all of those unique things in the people I love (myself included), which are usually the ones they are trying to hide!
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  #17  
Old 04-22-2011, 09:36 AM
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Oy, what an interesting thread! Thanks for resurrecting, rory!

Now me, I'm a total energy addict. If somebody gives me good energies I am attracted to them, regardless of looks, age, gender, stuff like that. I think with Sweetheart we are such an excellent match because of my feminine/active energies complement his masculine/passive ones and vice versa, which with men doesn't happen often for me.

That being said, I do dig soft, chubby brunettes. Olivia Wilde would be almost too perfect if she weren't so underweight.

I often need one-on-one sex to determine for sure if our energies match (yet again, with the exception of Sweetheart). So for me, great attraction grows with sex, whereas struggling to make a sexual connection lessens initial attraction.
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  #18  
Old 04-22-2011, 03:11 PM
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I definitely agree that no matter how attractive a person is, if I can't find somethig good on the inside then it's a no go. I've realized that it takes me a while, like a few months to figure out if I even like/am interested in someone. I think a lot of guys just aren't that patient and they assume that because I don't want to jump right in that I have no interest.
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  #19  
Old 04-22-2011, 06:21 PM
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Quote:
Give me a traditionally HAWT man with a crummy personality, and I'll show you someone that I have no interest in. It does go to the point of affecting sexual desire. Perhaps this is why the vast majority of casual sex I've had has always been with friends? I find the act of trying to pick up at a bar unattractive, and so everyone in the bar just goes down a notch for me. (Even if I might have also been trying to pick up, not necessarily get laid.) Funny how the brain works!

Now women on the other hand ... I will immediately find a woman attractive! In terms of the strangers I check out, women make up 95%. Women tend to work backwards, if I find them immediately attractive. (If I don't find them immediately attractive, they follow the same path as a man.)
I think I go backwards on this. Men, I absolutely check out, and I can appreciate the aesthetics of a fine man pretty easily. And again, if he opens his mouth and pearls of nutcaseness fall out... I find myself very turned off and wish he wouldn't have said anything.

Women I think I have to know really well, and be compatible with, and I'm still very slow to warm up to an "attraction" level. Slow enough that I find it simpler to call myself gay rather than bi.
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  #20  
Old 04-22-2011, 09:06 PM
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I am a straight female but I would MUCH rather check out women all day long than men. I love looking at women, and I love all kinds! I point beautiful women out to everyone, everywhere I go, it's crazy. One of my favorite things to do is get a chance to tell a woman how gorgeous she is, either a general statement, or particular features, her beautiful hair, her smile, her outfit or her choice in shoes. (Women's rest rooms are the greatest for this )

Sadly, there are some women who are extremely uncomfortable with a compliment. I don't know if they think I am a lesbian trying to hit on them, or what. I am not butch-looking at all, I mean, I am a girly-girl through and through, but I guess they still fear I am being sexual, or something - ?

Then again, there are many who get a compliment, and their whole face lights up -- which totally makes my day and makes me feel happy all over that I took the chance and spoke up about their beauty.

The best girls to compliment, I've found, are the ones who are a little overweight. I guess perhaps they spend so much time worrying about those few pounds, they have forgotten how much beauty they have in every other way. (I think curvy women are the prettiest. I myself am a skinny bitch, but it's genetic; besides -- skinny isn't everything!)

The worst girls to compliment are the traditionally beautiful, all-around girls. They can be bitchy, even. Then suddenly I see -- ah, not so beautiful, after all....

I'm a total sucker for wild curly hair, too! Oh -- and brown skin. Or red heads... Wow - I just think there are so many gorgeous women out there in the world! But -- attracted "to" them? Well, that's not what's going on, with me.

As far as attraction, it's to men, and usually it's what I see in the eyes and the smile -- what strikes me over all is their sincerity.

Then again, there are those flirty types, who make me totally swoon and I have to ground myself, haha! (Dangerous to drink alcohol around these types...) Just because I'm attracted to someone, doesn't mean I want to follow through and jump into bed with them. Some guys automatically get that impression. Too bad -- flirting is fun enough, for me! (Also why my gay guy friends are The Best -- we flirt shamelessly) (plus they all have the major hots for my husband!)
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