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  #11  
Old 09-09-2010, 12:27 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Default What did you expect :)

OK..so obviously my opinion is skewed but....I find myself asking this question a lot lately. Not for myself but for people who are in a primary relationship i.e. husband and wife. The back and forth happiness and sadness, peak high and peak low don't seem worth it to me but I am not poly. There rarely seems to be sustained balance or stability but perhaps this is because a lot of my exposure is with people that are struggling and the really happy established poly relationships are not apparent or visible because they are simply living it. Even with Redpepper and Polynerdist I don't get it....I still can't quite figure out why it is worth it to them and if they wanted to become "not poly" I would totally understand. I think a part of me would even be very happy because I understand the feeling monogamy gave me and associate it with calm fulfillment. Again, this is because I am monogamous and can't truly appreciate poly for what it gives them.

I'm hopeless I know
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  #12  
Old 09-09-2010, 01:56 AM
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Hopelessly adorable.

Most of our "hell's" had nothing to do with polyamory and everything to do with getting real with ourselves.

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  #13  
Old 09-09-2010, 03:19 AM
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What a great question.

One that I find myself unable to answer. I guess is a 'grand scheme' kind of way, sure. It`s allowed me to be true to myself, and in turn, true to those around me.

In a more specific point-by-point way,..I have no idea!

......yet.
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  #14  
Old 09-09-2010, 05:28 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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LR, its funny I remember you and I talking about this previously. At that time I would have written no. Not at all. I was beginning to believe I was not Poly, and finding another would never happen.

I think overall, Poly has been worth it. Pengrah naturally fits the mold and its good to see her so happy and excited over someone. In my case, it does feel natural. An extension of what I was already doing.

I had lots of female friends, I doted over them all, treating them like girlfriends, but never getting that reciprocated. And honestly never expecting it. I just like to treat the women in my life well. But it did come to a head at one point, when one of them said "I like having you around, you are like having a boyfriend, but I don't have to fuck you"...needless to say that hit me the wrong way. Thats when I realized I love, loving other people. But that I needed to start enjoying people that may love me back.

I have found someone to hopefully do that. Only time will tell

Poly has been one of the most tumultuous lessons in my life, but one of the best as well.
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  #15  
Old 09-09-2010, 06:10 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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I believe it will be.

I have nights like last night, things are just so *right* and I can see how awesome, how amazing it will be.

The struggles so far have been enormously painful - but have pushed us to look at ourselves more honestly, to learn to communicate more effectively and whether or not poly sticks for us - THAT makes everything worth it.

So my short answer... yes
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  #16  
Old 09-09-2010, 06:22 PM
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Absolutely and without a doubt yes it is worth it. Although the relationship between my husband and I was never lacking we didn't discuss things in as much depth as we have since we started opening our relationship...calling it different things along the way until we found what fit for us.

Also how can something that brings wonderful people into my life not be worth it? Without starting out on this poly journey I never would have met my husband's girlfriend and her other boyfriend or PN and Mono and most importantly I wouldn't have been able to build what I am starting to build with RP.

Yes there are ups and downs but the good far outweighs any negativity.
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  #17  
Old 09-09-2010, 09:29 PM
jkelly jkelly is offline
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Well, since I only have poly- relationships, the question is pretty much the same for me as "Has being romantically involved with people been worth it?"; that's a yes.

To answer the question more in the spirit it was asked, I don't feel like I've lost out on anything that would have worked well for me by not making a commitment to be monogamous.
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  #18  
Old 09-10-2010, 07:38 AM
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How can you answer a question like that when you have only ever had polyamory as part of your current relationship? I suppose if it wasn't worth it I wouldn't still be here and here is the best relationship I've ever had so hey, yep I guess it is a big YES for me.
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  #19  
Old 09-10-2010, 03:48 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Absolutely and without a doubt yes it is worth it. Although the relationship between my husband and I was never lacking we didn't discuss things in as much depth as we have since we started opening our relationship...calling it different things along the way until we found what fit for us.

Also how can something that brings wonderful people into my life not be worth it? Without starting out on this poly journey I never would have met my husband's girlfriend and her other boyfriend or PN and Mono and most importantly I wouldn't have been able to build what I am starting to build with RP.

Yes there are ups and downs but the good far outweighs any negativity.
Derby this pretty much sums up how I feel too! It has been worth it. For me. Tumultuous to say the least but DEFINITELY worth it. My relationship with my hubs is better because I have been able to reach a different level with him. We are communicating alot better. I appreciate his understanding and acceptance-haven't reached embracing it yet but he is working on it- and I am amazed he loves and trusts me enough to let me be happy in my relationship with 2Rings. 2Rings is the key to all of this for me. Without knowing him and exploring this really awesome and beautiful and completely honest relationship, I never would have known this kind of love with either of my loves. I thank you my darling and you truly are it for me! Love conquers all!
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  #20  
Old 09-10-2010, 07:24 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Polyamory is part of who I am. It doesn't make sense to me as a question any more than "has being white been worth it?" or something. Worth what? I didn't do anything. It just is.

Now, if the question is "has coming out been worth it?" then yes. I am honest with the people I love, at peace with who I am, and not torturing myself anymore over what's wrong with me. Coming out was worth it and has been since before my relationship with Rag stopped being monogamous de facto, and even since before I fell in love with another man. It was worth it from the start because even just my relationship with Rag was better because of it and, just as importantly, my relationship with myself as well.
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