Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 09-07-2010, 11:35 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999
Default Help me find the right words

I thought I was over NRE with my boyfriend of two months (Mr. A), but after reading other posts and reflecting on our relationship, I know that I'm only over the giddy-make-me-feel-sick part, and that we are still in a honeymoon phase, even if its form is changing.

Mr. A and Indigo are getting to know each other and it's going well. Indigo and I had Mr. A over for dinner last week, and the three of us ended up sharing laughs at a comedy roast, and snuggling in a big happy pile on our couch. (The boys didn't snuggle, but nobody's perfect, I suppose. )

Indigo was feeling comfortable enough to offer me a sleep over at Mr. A's AND come get me at 8:30 on Sunday morning when Mr. A had to work and Indigo could've been sleeping. (I don't have a key to Mr. A's yet, and he lives 20 minutes across town. The pickup was very generous of Indigo, especially when he could've been sleeping!)

So things are going well for the most part.

However, last night I spoke to Mr. A on the phone because I hadn't talked to him all day. (He works long hours.) I even felt comfortable enough to leave the bedroom door open, that Indigo wouldn't be upset by our conversation. It was a great talk with lots of joking and laughing. We chatted for half an hour or so, and then I hung up and went downstairs to be with Indigo.

Indigo looked a bit upset, so I asked what was wrong. He asked if he makes me happy.

Ah crap.

The issue is twofold. One is that Indigo doesn't hear as much positive from me as he should. This is a recognized problem by me, and I am working to correct it. I have a tendancy to pick on little things, as well as not always voice/show appreciation when I'm feeling it. The showing part is important. A hug goes further with Indigo than a thank you, but I am the opposite.

So this part is being worked on.

The second part is trickier. Indigo heard the laughter of my conversation with Mr. A. We don't laugh for this long anymore. But I know it's only because we already know each other's jokes. It was weird timing for him to be bothered by this, because I had been mentally noting that we do still make each other laugh deep, full laughs, and appreciating this especially over the last week. Though perhaps not such strange timing, since I am experiencing "new laughter" with Mr. A and so my attention was drawn to these moments with Indigo? An ex once told me that we'd break up when I stopped laughing at his jokes. This turned out to be true. So these laughs are something I do watch for and note.

I remember laughing like this with Indigo in the beginning of our relationship. He says he does not. Granted, we talked a lot on MSN in the beginning of our relationship, where he would not have been able to hear my laughter, but we also had dates like real people and laughed then. I think his memory is clouded by my obvious laughter with Mr. A.

I have said everything that I've posted here to Indigo, but he's still hurting. Please help me reassure him that just because we laugh less frequently than Mr. A and I (currently) do together, doesn't mean he doesn't make me happy. I am still in NRE, and Mr. A is new. Our jokes are new. There are more new ones to make.

Indigo, I love you deeply. Being able to make each other laugh, REALLY laugh, after 2 1/2 years is no small feat. I can't wait to really laugh with you in 20 years.
Reply With Quote
 

Tags
comparison, laughter, nre, ore

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:48 PM.