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Old 09-05-2010, 06:15 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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That's hilarious, marksbabygirl! On the completely opposite side of you, I marvel every day at how Easy was NOTHING like anyone I'd ever dated and not even close to my "type". But he's got lots of qualities that I never knew I needed!

This thread haunted me last night, as it seemed to paint a really bleak picture of how hard the work in a poly relationship is. But I wanted to point out that as hard as it's been, there have been many, many perks, as well. Learning to communicate has improved my relationship with Easy a hundredfold. I learned to clearly ask for things that I really needed and to recognize when I was being unreasonable--previously I just sulked and was depressed and resentful when he didn't read my mind or when I had unrealistic expectations. Another good thing is that (I hope) I'm modeling a more mature behavior pattern for my children, who will (hopefully) grow up to have healthier relationships as a result. As for the quad, even with all of our downs, we still have plenty of ups, and we're still a family. We rely on each other and share good times as a family. All in all, even though growing and learning caused by poly is painful, I'd definitely have to say that it's worth it.
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Old 09-06-2010, 06:09 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
I totally created my marriage.
Well ! See.......there's an example. So maybe it is possible ?
I'm mostly skeptical because of the many people I've seen try this approach and spend years of their life in pursuit of the 'relationship by specification'. Not so lucky as you appear to have been ? A person that met your specs happened to come into your circle some way. It happened.

But even then, I think I'd love to be a mouse in the corner in your house

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Old 09-06-2010, 11:16 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Well ! See.......there's an example. So maybe it is possible ?

But even then, I think I'd love to be a mouse in the corner in your house

Hmmmm nobody and nothing is perfect - but we are well suited to each other.

Right now - I need to do some mediation and soul searching - figure out what it is that *I* want - and how it will fit in with my life.

I am the sum of my choices - I created my life exactly as it is. Had I made different choices - I'd be in a different place.

That doesn't say there isn't work and effort to get things in a good place
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create

My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

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Old 09-07-2010, 09:23 AM
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TeJoKo TeJoKo is offline
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Location: Lakewood, WA
Posts: 66
Default Some aspects are easy...

My husband and I started out with an open relationship that evolved into being poly when I found a guy I totally fell for and wanted around all the time. It is pretty easy to take on two partners when both of them are naturally adept at sharing...
For the past 5+ years I have had a polyamorous relationship but I have never had to share a man emotionally. That is happening right now for the first time. The pain from it is the only reason I even found this site. It happened all wrong, without the proper boundaries discussed. It sounds like you are going through much the same thing I am.
It's not easy. I have been very depressed the past couple weeks (barely eating, staying up till sunrise, getting angry at everything, crying randomly). It's also my boyfriend's first time having two women, so he doesn't know what he is doing either, which I imagine just makes this that much harder.

I have recently posted my story in the "new to polyamory" section under "I am here because I am hurting" if you are interested.
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Old 09-07-2010, 10:43 AM
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janeb1958 janeb1958 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 44

Easy? Not at all! I sorta "rolled" into my journey! I was at a snuggle party. About 16 of us were spooning on the floor -- we all decided to roll over. I was slower & this awesome guy rolled over -- it was love at first site for me. I haven't regreted a moment but it hasn't been easy. But I have grown tremedously as a person because of it! Right now, he's my beloved BUT he's married & has several terciaries. I am open to other loves & have several men in my life I love but am not sexual with. I know when the time is right, it will happen. For now, I'm learning as much as I can so I can be ready to add to the "family". His wife & I are becoming better friends and THIS is very important to me. I stay with them several days a week. He stays with me in the guest room when I'm there. When friends come over, they ask if his wife & I are related - our personalities are similar & we laugh a lot together. On Sunday, I almost answered "only by marriage" but didn't!! Their wedding vows were poly in nature. They included "Future Lovers" - so he told me I was there & am in their marriage. Some else asked me "so do you also live here?" We laughed & I said sometimes! With every visit, I get closer & closer. I'm finally trusting in the fact -- they are my family!
There is a lot of communication -- I've had chats with his wife, making sure she knows my preference is she & I keep open lines of communication - that I never wish to step on her toes, as it were!
Easy? No Any regrets being in a poly relationship - NOT IN THE LEAST! I'm happier then I've ever been! I have more love in my heart & in my life -- I love it!
New to this wonderful world of polyamory - I must be crazy - never happier!!!
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