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  #11  
Old 09-04-2010, 03:21 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Thats awesome TruckerPete.

The freedom to just love, and accept that person into my life however they may fit, was a big lesson for me, after many years of only handing out conditional love.

Unconditional love, has probably been my greatest learning experience so far.
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  #12  
Old 09-04-2010, 03:27 PM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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I can assure you all, it's only been this one time ... And I was more surprised than you can imagine!!
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  #13  
Old 09-04-2010, 04:40 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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From here.............

Loving you means I respect you for the person you are and the potential you hold to make the world a better place....

That seeing you and being in your presence makes feel warm & happy regardless of my prior mood.

That your happiness in life is important to me and that I'm willing to do what I can to insure that. This may involve some effort and even sacrifice on my part.

And yes, it even include the component of- "I love you BUT............" but that would be the topic of another thread !

GS
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  #14  
Old 09-05-2010, 06:24 AM
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TeJoKo TeJoKo is offline
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When I tell someone I love them it means I care about them deeply, and want their happiness and comfort. I love very easily, but don't say it to a lot of people.
When I tell someone who I am romantic with that I love them it means that I not only care for them and want them to be happy, but it also means that I cherish my time with them and they make me happy.

I see a difference between loving someone and being in love with them... a big difference. Telling someone I am in love with them signifies I want that long lasting kind of relationship with them. It is also possible for me to be in love with more than one person.
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  #15  
Old 09-05-2010, 07:40 PM
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For me some one doesn't have to be in a romantic role for me to say I love you. I think that I see the love as kind of the foundation for all the deep human friendships/relationships and then the role they are in can change. So while our roles may be fluid, my loving them doesn't really change.
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  #16  
Old 09-06-2010, 04:58 PM
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RatatouilleStrychnine RatatouilleStrychnine is offline
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Interesting ideas! For those of you who didn't include sexual attraction, is that not a necessary part of romantic love for you? For me, love is a combination of that sexual, physical attraction and the deep, spiritual connection, and they both feed off each other.

On another note, if you can be "in love" with more than one person at a time (and we all agree that this is possible, I'm sure!), does that love have to be equal to be real? I've often seen polyamory explained to monogamous people with a "well, parents can love more than one child!" but most parents would say that they don't love one child more than the other. Can you be in love with two people, but love one of them more?

I'm really getting at what love means for different relationship configurations. I've struggled in the past telling my partners I loved them, because I loved my husband so much more. I wonder whether or not it can even be love if I feel that way.

If you prefer one of your partners to the other (probably in a primary/secondary situation) can you really be in love with them both?
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  #17  
Old 09-06-2010, 06:00 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RatatouilleStrychnine View Post
Interesting ideas! For those of you who didn't include sexual attraction, is that not a necessary part of romantic love for you? For me, love is a combination of that sexual, physical attraction and the deep, spiritual connection, and they both feed off each other.
I have loved women without a physical attraction. Its rare but it does happen. The part that is missing is the lust aspect. I find it difficult to lust for a woman I have no physical attraction to.

Quote:
On another note, if you can be "in love" with more than one person at a time (and we all agree that this is possible, I'm sure!), does that love have to be equal to be real? I've often seen polyamory explained to monogamous people with a "well, parents can love more than one child!" but most parents would say that they don't love one child more than the other. Can you be in love with two people, but love one of them more?
That would assume love is quantitative. In my mind, by itself love would be equal I think. The other aspects of the relationship and connection can change the potential value, if there is one.

Quote:
If you prefer one of your partners to the other (probably in a primary/secondary situation) can you really be in love with them both?
Yes I believe so. Because each person I love has its own silo that works independently from the other. By me loving someone else, it would never devalue the love I feel for Pengrah

Lets look at comparing my love to our ex and my wife.

My wife, we have history, loving relationship, little bit of giddy flirting and a supporting nature

My ex at that time - lust, passion, wanton need. Friendly fun and monstrous flirting

While love can be equal the relationship was not. Both had the strengths and positives and negatives. But one did not devalue the other. In fact they complimented each other.

At least thats my take.
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  #18  
Old 09-07-2010, 12:09 AM
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When spoken to some one I consider a Lover, "I love you" means the trust I have in our relationship has opened a gateway for the energy of my soul to be shared with you. It is a declaration of my desire and ability to communicate with you in a way that is unique to the connection we have.
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  #19  
Old 09-07-2010, 01:26 AM
PollyPocket PollyPocket is offline
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I love you. Wow, can mean so much or so little. For soooo many years, I have battled to get these words OUT of my mouth more. My good friends, my family, heck, even my colleagues who have become such good friends to me over the years.

I had never had to really figure out what "I love you" meant until this first poly relationship. Man, did I love her, or maybe, do I still "Love her". It is such a tight attachment that it scares me just a bit. Obviously, that would explain the chest pain now!

However, for me...the bigger THANG would be "I trust you". That one is saved for ONLY a very few ppl in my life. The opposite nature of the two thoughts have to point a rational person to "I lust for you" instead, no??

I mean how can one love so deeply without trust. I just don't think it is possible. AND that is how we all get messed up. Pure love is full of trust, rich and deep. In fact, as the anthropologist said, we would risk our life for another when pure love is there! Do you think we would risk our lives for another if there was a doubt of trust?

Probably not.
Just my two cents.
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  #20  
Old 09-07-2010, 06:27 AM
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TeJoKo TeJoKo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RatatouilleStrychnine View Post
Interesting ideas! For those of you who didn't include sexual attraction, is that not a necessary part of romantic love for you? For me, love is a combination of that sexual, physical attraction and the deep, spiritual connection, and they both feed off each other.

On another note, if you can be "in love" with more than one person at a time (and we all agree that this is possible, I'm sure!), does that love have to be equal to be real? I've often seen polyamory explained to monogamous people with a "well, parents can love more than one child!" but most parents would say that they don't love one child more than the other. Can you be in love with two people, but love one of them more?

I'm really getting at what love means for different relationship configurations. I've struggled in the past telling my partners I loved them, because I loved my husband so much more. I wonder whether or not it can even be love if I feel that way.

If you prefer one of your partners to the other (probably in a primary/secondary situation) can you really be in love with them both?
I know what you mean by having trouble telling your parents you love them. Maybe there is something wrong with me, but I am not comfortable with that relative kind of love. Do I love them at all? Not sure. I feel most my caring for them is obligatory, and have very little actual connection to my parents, siblings, nieces, etc...
It is easy for me to tell a man I am romantic with that I love him, especially if I know it won't scare him. But I do have trouble saying it to my friends. I only am really comfortable verbalizing love to those I have romantic feelings for. There is definitely something very different between romantic love and platonic love.

I think physical attraction is pretty important for romantic love... But emotions can also tell us we find someone attractive that we didn't used to just because we now have feelings for them.

I feel like we can be in love with multiple people in different ways. I don't think any of it is equal, and it would be hard for it to be. All relationships develop at different rates, in different ways, and everyone has different needs and fulfills different needs.
Whether or not one is stronger than another is a very touchy subject. I am going through some stress at the idea that my boyfriend may develop stronger feelings for his new girl, but if he does, so be it. It's not like she can or will replace me, we are just different people.
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