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  #11  
Old 02-26-2010, 08:46 PM
Ilove2men Ilove2men is offline
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Originally Posted by budKEP View Post
Yes, it has a definite feel of backwards way of going about it X). And in the beggining I had a feeling of imposing in on something that is none of my business. I can only hope that I did help and not impede progress between them selves.

The hardest part was to not be judgmental to one side or the other and still be compassionate to the indavidual needs either person required.

Sorry took so long to reply to your comment on us X)
I actually posted about this on the triangulation thread. You never imposed and we were always grateful (and continue to be) for the outside insight. As I said before you translate my heart so well, more than I was able to at times and you speak boy, which I do not.

As he said he doesn't think he would be breaking down his wall if it wasn't for you. I guess I always knew he was closed off, but I took it as being gaurded as a result of his childhood abuse. I didn't really see how much I was on the outside until you came along I truly learned what it meant to be connected to another soul with nothing but absolute honesty from both parties no matter how hard thoses truths were to hear or share.

You are never an imposition. Never ever a bother! We love and appreciate all that you have brought to our lives. And through all of our confiding in you, you were amazing at being unbiased. I hope we show how much we truly appreciate you.

Last edited by Ilove2men; 02-26-2010 at 08:50 PM.
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  #12  
Old 02-26-2010, 09:34 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Its a hard choice to decide when absolute honesty or a tastefull selection of words are needed from me. Personally I have a craving to be surrounded by those who only speak blatantly, even if it hurts to hear I've come to respect and value their opinion more than those who can't.
I feel this way too. I love bluntness. Like you say, it can be painful sometimes. But as long as they're not saying it to be hurtful, I find it much easier to recover from hard, unadulterated truth. When people try to be subtle, I tend to misinterpret their point, and that usually leads to me being confused and reacting to my interpretation rather than their intended meaning.

With practice, I think it's possible to have "absolute truth" packaged in "a tasteful selection of words." It's all about putting things in the positive frame of reference.
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  #13  
Old 03-05-2010, 06:21 AM
budKEP budKEP is offline
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Default been a min. sorry

to begin let me clear up a slip(major slip). i had seen bubby twice not once. a verry verry important day(im suprised she never brought it up). i did go down to visit bubby and fiancee at their place of residence. =) it was mine and fiancee's first time to meet up in person. we planned the meetup whilst bubby's baby bubby was out with family, to keep the meet simple. a planned 2 hour meet turned into a more of a 6 hour stay, so not only did i meet fiancee i also got to meet baby bubby (uber bubbly). it was a most wonderfull day in my book. everyone was very ... behaved? lol not that we all were planning a masacre, well my brother here totally was angry it got planned while he has his boy(he thought id need back up lol).

something else needed to be clarified. though, i visit few of mine and far between. i have a family both blood and non- that so far i have found is like few others i have ever met. from the begining ive had open discusions with all my brothers(5) only ones blood and he is actually my uncle =P and my father. the women of my family are very outspoken so i did choose to wait till i see them in person to explain my state of engagement =). i say unlike others because they all are very open minded and vocal. so up here i have a fiercely built support group to talk to. where as bubby and fiancee do not have such a network. thats a story in itself, wrought with every terrible incedent anyone of us can ever recall in our lives when trusting another, cept it seemed to happen everytime.

now i am sorry for not picking up story sooner, harsh week (ima post on general for thoughts and to be rheemed).
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  #14  
Old 03-05-2010, 07:09 AM
budKEP budKEP is offline
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Default third chapter of a third (best title yet =P)

i sent one message to bubby saying, What you read in my last story post, i also sent a im sorry message to fiancee. terrible, i dont text even. i send them both facebook messages =/ knowing fiancee may never recieve it, lol he never checks hehe. but bubby checks first thing every morning, i usually write a good morning message to her before i go to sleep (usually about 4 hours afore she wakes up).
((((we usually share a phone conver. for round 50 min.( i can talk on my phone at work without to much trouble) until she has to clock in. then we talk for the almost full hour at lunch. then a call after work that ranges from 15-30 min. on average. not including the texties all during work and the random messages around dinner. usually never a shortage of talking or things to talk about between us. lol i think her texties the first month of our getting to know each other including her other texts to others if i remember was in the few thousands lol.))))

so needles to say i awoke to a phone call in the morning to bubbies ringtone. ill never not answer her calls. panic stricken and confused is what she was. this trip i took to my decision was purely done by myself and hidden from everyone (mistake breaking my side of communication). i tell her what i want and why. that im fiending for someone in a unhealthy way (i would have murdered, maybe not litteraly..maybe, for a real hug from her).

and the day makes it about oh 5 min. after we get off the phone when i get suprised by a generally honestly concerned call from fiancee. asking what is going on. asking what can be done to help. he steps up like (and im still wary of him at this time) i never ever thought would. i turn down a day date with bubby for a more needed family date at my place this time. i know i needed time with her,alone, but there was still a gap with me and fiancee that unless me and him work on it how can he trust me with his fiancee.

keep a count cause bubby did, thats one date turned down. lol.

a little fast forward, during which im sorting where i lost it, why and to re-establish our comunica together with bubby again. all the while i was sharing with my family, but they arent the source of my resolve. she is. and so i should have never stopped with her. but she needed someone to listen at the time (calling you out bubby =P, your words). we have another most wonderfull visit, i have my baby bubby and they theirs (they are adorable together). we have a late breakfast(lol im a horrible cook, but i survive, maybe no one else does though). i am bout to start lunch but first I i had to make a resolution clear to fiancee, that first and foremost their relationship is more important to me than bubby and mine.

the reason behind this is in my swirls scary thoughts of sabatoge came to mind. in my life, speaking it means i will accomplish it to the best of my abillity to achieve. next, that if bubby and fiancee split that it will not be for me. that for what ever reason if they break apart, im out of the relationship with bubby (therefore making the primary very much more important to me). I have had and still do have detailed talks with bubby about her and fiancee, back then i used to feel sick while i was on the phone giving her advise or my thoughts on how to help her relationship with fiancee or something of the sort. ( i can honestly say i never did fiancee wrong in my advise, maybe thought it but didnt do. sorry fiancee when you read this =/ , )

well, my spoken resolution,, uterly backfired and scared fiancee right out of my house before i could even get the stove warm. later this day they tell me all he heard was "if she leaves you" and "thoughts of sabatoge" and everything else was lost in the wind lol. fiancee leaves fairly quikly for a station vaca. in the car and bubby asks a few questions for clarification and then family day ends instantly, fiancee has a wall up and they leave me in the makings of another WTH am i doing?

later this day after bubby explains to fiancee what was actually said by me. him and i share a conver. and everyone calms cools and is collected =).

this is the end of the easy days lol =)

Last edited by budKEP; 03-05-2010 at 10:10 AM.
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  #15  
Old 03-05-2010, 10:00 AM
budKEP budKEP is offline
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Default fourth chapter

this last visit was around 2 weeks afore x-mas (to keep the timeline built). now thru all of this bubby and fiancee are still working on them, every day it seems there is a new focus of attention. thru all of that my episodes last a few days for pretty much all of them. the hard part is that is not the case for bubby and fiancees focus's. aside from my episodes the relationship between me and bubby can only be described as devinely molded by the gods cause it is so perfect, warm and absolutely intensely emotionally gratifying.

fiancee and I are doing very well communicating. as only to boyishly tendencied men can lol, we share grunts and brief updates (im feeling more of the family than i have ever before) =). when i get a call or message from fianceee asking if the 23rd is good for me? hmm? for me and bubby alone and over night. OMG, im a moron. i say id rather do a family day again instead, for though we talk more there is still a gap and i feel the outsider.

were you keeping count, thats two dates declined.

a few days slyde, things are good. as always im fiendishly missing bubby in everyway. when she asks why i keep refuseing the date offers. i give her the reason. she begins to tell me of the feeling of rejection she is getting from it and that maybe i should reconsider. yea, my phone can simultaniously call two people at the same time cause im pretty sure she didnt finish that sentence and the date was set =P. there were questions about why i changed my mind from fiancee. and the answer was easy, cause i get to be a little greedy lol.

the weekend before the over night date,i have plans to visit the whole family out of state. this was a perfect thing, cause rarely are all the women of my familly in one city much less state at the same time. so nows the time for me to clarify to all them the dynamics of the relationship between bubby and i in person (if i do it over the phone it makes them think they can call lol did i tell you their outspoken yet?lol). the moms i just threw it at them. biological mommy rode with me there (6hours drive) so we covered every angle. terrible time for Ma to start picking up religion (recently re-aquainting herself with Jehovas witnesses)lol.

all the males in my family have the exact same mindset on this topic from the begining, "eh? really? you sure? ok. i support ya =)". the one thing in comon with all the females in my family, cept my little sister(though she may just not mentioned it) is that they all tell me how they have been in multiple relationships at the same time and how it will never work, etc etc. both Ma's were in open dating, dating relations. and eldest sister was actually a secondary in a V (where the wife was never ok with the idea). so, unfortunately for me the loudest female in my family is the one with the closest connection to what im trying to achieve with bubby. and she was in a deffinite fail scenario if the primaries could reconcile their differences.

thankfully i saved the telling her about us like 5 min. before i left (actually asked everyone to keep it from her hahah im a terrible brother). i didnt know she was in a V until she called me on my drive home with Ma and baby bubby. and because of my baby we had to(thankfully) keep the conver. short and inocent lol. now to get home asap couse i have a sweet date to get ready for next week.

first date, we have planned a whole day of activities. anything to keep us busy and comfortable. the boundaries are almost on in full we get hand holding and general hugs. but, who cares my bubby is here where i can look at her and not a pic thats a background on my cell. here where i can talk to and not get a cramp in my arm hold a phone lol. we did a typical romantics first date. the breakfast, lunch and dinner. i cooked the first two and we went out for the third. watched Avatar in the theatre (i may have cried a little but theres no proof). and went to the pub for pool with my brother (that lives here) so they could meet properly. they are both (the best cooks in the world) food enthusiast, and get kicks out of ripping on eachothers regional dishes. which i enjoy =) they both are a trip when their emotions are riled =P.

the next morning she heads back home with both of us walking in the clouds from a most enjoyable visit (a little underestimation lol). and with a date set for the next weekend if i remember correctly for a family day down at their residence. =) bubby overload here i come. me and baby bubby make the drive down and once again these angels are BFFs like they've known each other forever , cuteness was pileing on the floors there was so much. this visit litteraly signified the most relaxed the three of us have ever been together. its getting easier with every time. boys still grunt, bubby is skipping around like a school girl ; ).

this visit nearly almost went into an overnight over there lol. we left many hours after night fall. mostly cause the baby bubbies ,arm in arm, ran everywhere hiding to stay together longer. oh yea bubby melted in the middle of the day, visibly so, when she got to stretch out on the couch head in fiancees lap and feet pressed against me.

i called this the hard times cause though my relations with bubby are flawless atm, hers and his is shakey and we all feel the strain of it. and i am leaving the details of their troubles out for respect of their business. it was a fierce month for them. and they pulled thru it, so heres to the success of working as a team. and this is the month of Jan. only one more month to go.

this is good spot for break =)

Last edited by budKEP; 03-05-2010 at 10:18 AM.
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  #16  
Old 09-06-2010, 08:39 AM
budKEP budKEP is offline
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Default i dont care, it is what it is

=) an odd tittle to go with a smiley i know =). but, you know it, it is what it is. things have changed since the last i posted. biggie, bubby and her baby bubby have moved in w/ me. we are waiting for financial circumstances to transpire for fiancee to move up also. life is substantially amazing i admit, but how can i not feel as though im the 2nd.

atm i am battling every primary bone in my soul to not be.... ugly/angry/not nice i guess. yesterday marked our year anniversary of physically seeing one another in a relationship.

rewind to 1.5 months ago, they lived there (250 miles away). i lived here. she came up for dates (full weekends), i came down for visits (until the last time did i get P.T. w/ bubby (which i stayed home so bubby n fiancee could also get ditto), no prob =). my last visit down did she and i get public (meaning fiancee was pressent) Q.T. meaning physical acknowledgment of each others for loss of a better word, our own existence.

back to present, i feel like weve regressed. fiancee has been up to visit two weekends now (one is still in progress). when he is present i get no acknowledgment. its difficult i guess, i have no prob w/ fiancee getting mad time for themselves. i just feel.... forgotten. it really blows my roommate persona up n out in the open. bubby messaged me that she doesnt want this to feel as such (n i completely understand, i have not been in the relationship for 7 years and am now separated by the 250miles) but i do.

sorry this really only amounts to a vent. i am ok. we all are fabulous. you, readers, just get to receive my blow off =P.

gangster, budkep

Last edited by budKEP; 09-06-2010 at 08:41 AM.
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  #17  
Old 09-06-2010, 09:13 AM
budKEP budKEP is offline
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Default my formal appolagies

the time bubby n i share is just shy of divine (you know what i mean, perfect). our moments are writen from fairy tales. my soul quakes and eyes water when i am not near her. the present we hold, amazing. the future we plan, almost imaginable. when we were apart, she could spread my every being out and know what is up just from inflections in my timbre in a phone conversation. physically present w/ each other we are growing accustomed to each others quirks n habits but if it escalates we can take a moments breath talk it out and be "right as rain" quoting old lady in a movie .

fiancee and i, its a (sometimes) dont ask dont tell relationship. though we are both extremely....male lol. we dont have a strained relation. we shooot the (poop). talk about our on goings and any discrepancies we have when we have them. its like gaining a brother in my family. =) our relationship has been very pleasant and enjoyable mostly because of our ability to appreciate one anothers water on a ducks back philosophy, if its not harmfull whats the problem lol.

i have my worries, my personal concerns as to present, future and irrational possibillities. bubby has heard and been there to do her best to reassure me of us, but that just is not what irrational is is it . im working on me 24/7 for us, i need to be the best me i can be for the collective us. ditto goes for everyone in our V.

all knows this is new/ challenging/ difficult to any new to this (as we are). but i cant stress enough how much communication is in this. with out it there can not be a "it". agreed, its needed for just a monogamous relation. doubly so in a poly. though advise and sudgestions are easy to give, applying them in your life take your lifes offering. how can we expect any less in a life long applied dynamic.
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  #18  
Old 09-06-2010, 08:02 PM
Ilove2men Ilove2men is offline
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My lovey, You put on a brave face last night for us didn't you? It's a very hard thing to have three weeks straight with me and then C comes up and I spend every night with him. If it helps any, C struggles with sencondary feelings too. The thing I try to voice is comparing will always bring up these feelings. Because 1) my relationship is unique with each of you and 2) circumstances always dictate the situation. When you came down to visit us we did not have a 3rd bed to retire to and with a 5 year old whos path to mommy and daddy's room goes directly through the livingroom where you would sleep it was impossible to fall asleep in your arms there, but we had our weekends where our arms never separated and didn't have to share each other with another soul. Complete privacy. Now that I live with you and not C, we do have a 3rd bedroom and our daughter also knows her mommy and daddy are together so openness is more available to us, but privacy is not. (5 year old) and we have a full house now so we had to make our one on one time last night. Which we felt selfish for. We stayed up waiting for you to return home. We were worried and you walked in with the biggest smile ever. Not sure if it was happy to see us and see that we cared or putting on a brave face. I'll ask when we have some alone time tonight.

Alls I know is, I love you and what we have is untouchable by anyone. We combine into something amazing and I will always do my best to make you feel like the soulmate you are. I did try to give you lots of affection. I know it will never be enough. I have that same insatiable hunger for you... But I try to fill you up. It's always a fear that I will make one of you feel less than. I never want to do this. Situations and circumstances make this feeling arise and that is understandable sometimes. I just don't want my actions to ever make this feelings come for either of you. I know that once we are all up here this will ease and I hope the comparing will subside. I told C this morning when he spoke of his own secondary feelings that it had gotten so bad at one point that he spent all of his time with me talking about the time you were getting with me. He sees it now. I hope he nor you go thrpugh it this badly ever again.


Lub Lub Lub You!!!
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