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  #111  
Old 06-22-2010, 07:45 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is online now
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Is that like makeup sex? We never have makeup sex, even when we do argue. Hubby's slow to forgive, so he gets really bummed out for a long time after an argument. I guess we have "makeup cuddle" but it's not nearly as intense as I've hear makeup sex is supposed to be...
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  #112  
Old 06-24-2010, 04:41 AM
SayYes SayYes is offline
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To me, the biggest con of NRE has to be the insecurity that accompanies it. My boyfriend has never, ever done anything to make me feel insecure, has probably in fact done more to make me feel secure than just about anyone I've ever known. But I still spent a decent amount of time those first few months worried that he was going to lose interest, over-analyzing silly little things, obsessing over whether or not I was going to screw something up or push him away, etc. All of that early uncertainty is part of the excitement, but it's also a freakin' roller coaster. I like where things are at right now; after 6 months, I wouldn't say the NRE is gone, but I'm definitely comfortable and secure and relaxed while still feeling plenty giddy in the good ways
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  #113  
Old 06-24-2010, 01:20 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
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Another thing about NRE that I think is a pro and a con. It makes everything MORE intense. The good and the bad.
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  #114  
Old 06-24-2010, 03:43 PM
wiredpsyche wiredpsyche is offline
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Con:

NRE causes people to hide their shortcomings.
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  #115  
Old 06-24-2010, 03:55 PM
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From reading all this, I`m starting to think, I don`t experience NRE.

At least, not in the typical fashion.

Hmm,..gives me something to think about anyways.
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  #116  
Old 06-24-2010, 04:06 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
From reading all this, I`m starting to think, I don`t experience NRE.

At least, not in the typical fashion.

Hmm,..gives me something to think about anyways.
hmmm...knowing you a little bit, I would say the way you process things, you don't succome to NRE. ...just my take anyways
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  #117  
Old 06-24-2010, 04:38 PM
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Ariakas :

Singing : Da-Da-Dum,...,..You may be right,..I may be crazy,....


I`m not sure about that ? Could be true. I should ponder it for awhile. As cheesey as it sounds, I still look at my husband and get butterflies. That feeling never wore off, or went on hiatus.

I can`t recall going 'crazy' with NRE though, or it altering my thinking, or having to keep it under wraps. I tend to get into the mentality, that if I like someone, and want to keep a good thing going, to do it 'right'.

The more I think about it, I think thats because of my long-time profession. You have to be patient, and consistant, in order to get the desired results. It is probably learned behaviour I carried over to relationships.

Which,..makes me sound like I am awesome. But no worries, I`m fully capable of being a dipshit in other ways. :P
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  #118  
Old 06-24-2010, 04:43 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
Which,..makes me sound like I am awesome. But no worries, I`m fully capable of being a dipshit in other ways. :P
I'll believe that when I see it
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  #119  
Old 09-04-2010, 01:21 AM
ArchiePunker ArchiePunker is offline
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Default Is this poly? NRE? the end??? Help!!!

Hi, My wife and I decided to explore Polyamory about 5 months ago. We had discussed it lightly before because even though we are (were) very much in love, we had become somewhat co-dependent and bored. Then one day, she came home and asked if it was cool if she went to coffee with her personal trainer. Im 34, she's 31, and he's 49. I accepted and after further discussion, we decide to give the poly lifestyle a try. The first two months were incredible. We were talking more than we had in years, having lunch together allot and going on dates, we've always had great sex but, now it was even better and more often. I was beginning to adjust to Jim (trainer guy) and she was adjusting to the girls I was dating (I haven't found someone steady yet).

Then things began to change. I read all about NRE as did she in books like The Ethical Slut. However, progressively she wanted to spend less and less time with me.

Now, she's saying that she's never loved someone like she likes this guy and that she wants to maintain a relationship with me but, not a romantic one.

We have 2 small children and I don't want to break up my family however, the pain of this process and the fact that Im unsure if this will ever rebuild itself into a real relationship again is killing me! Maybe we could have been a better couple to each other and maybe I should have paid more attention to our relationship however, I always considered myself a good husband. She says she loves me but, I dont know if I can deal with the everyday mechanics of a relationship, raising the kids together, taking care of responsibilities, etc, and not be romantically involved with this person whom I love.

Anyone ever experience anything like this? Think its NRE and we will eventually find a way to reconnect?

Everything is so uncomfortable and strained. Even the look in her eyes when we speak seems flat and lacking something that was there before.

Hurting.

Lou
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  #120  
Old 09-04-2010, 02:16 AM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Lou, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this painful experience. I hope someone with more varied experience will speak up.

I think that if you don't want to break up, then that's your answer--you need to work at it, and sometimes it's going to be painful and hard and really there's no guarantee that it will all work out in the end. Take some time to picture what you envision as an ideal future and discuss it with your wife, honestly and openly. Take a deep breath and come at this from a calm place--it's possible that your wife's "dead eyes" are a defense mechanism, from her trying not to cause/react to/be involved in drama. Ask her what her ideal future is, what she sees down the road. Then take some time to figure out if there's a compromise, if it's something you can live with, if maybe what you're hearing her say is not exactly what she's intending to say. For example, it would be very interesting to get the exact definition of romantic to her, since she says she still loves you. You might also consider trying to find a poly-friendly therapist--it's amazing the different perspectives they can give you.

You can't make her change her mind or do work that she's not willing to do. There's only going to be so much that you can do. But you owe it to yourself and your children to make sure that you did as much as you could to fix this relationship.
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