Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 08-06-2009, 01:34 PM
Barry Barry is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 35
Default Being Alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Gee Barry, thanks for all the free advice. I can finally move on with my life.

I only wish it was that easy. But, this piece does make it easier. I can't remember which Jim Carey movie it was that he physically beat himself up. I think it was either Liar Liar or Pet Detective. I think it's a good depiction of what it looks like when we fight our natural born bent. I have included a link to the test. At the end of the test click the link and it will interpret your answers. Don't worry, the men in white coats won't show up at your door. No wire taps, feds, or any of that. :-) The only trick to this test is answering it truthfully. Don't answer the questions according to the way you wish you were. Answer according to the way you "really" are. It's for you......no one else. At this particular website they provide a link to your personality which gives some general info which is worth looking at. But.....after you read that then Google your personality type and start exploring. I'll bet you will be amazed.
RedPepper had mentioned a desire to step outside of her personality to experience being alone. It's natural for all of us to want to experience what is outside of our given strengths. We are creatures that explore on many levels. The trick is not fighting who you really are in that process, it's important to know with certainty that your true strengths are not weaknesses. I am an INFJ. My personality is represented in one to three percent of the world population. I'm described as a counselor. I began listening to other people's problems and could easily sense what they were feeling as far back as I can remember. I am like a moth attracted to the light. I became a counselor and remained active for twenty-five years. I was drawn by that profession and did not realize why until several years before I moved on to another endeavor. I was made for that. By the way, I love people, I'm incomplete without being a part of the whole, so to speak. But I also need to be alone to renew myself. Good luck on your search.
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

Barry
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 08-06-2009, 02:12 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Ah, does that mean I don't get to reply? I will anyway!
Nope; the question doesn't imply that you don't get to reply. I totally expected for you to do so. It just acknowledges that this was mentioned by you already.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 08-06-2009, 02:27 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Custodian
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,221
Default

Barry I'm gonna go ahead and look into the autism thing anyway, if that's ok with you.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 08-06-2009, 02:39 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I would love for him and us to live together and have that all the time, but it is a selfish thing and I know that neither him or my husband want that right now. So I wait and see what happens.
There is nothing selfish in wanting the people you love and who love you closer. We both know we do better when we are all together. From my perspective it's not a matter of not wanting to live closer or even together. I sleep better in your house than I do mine LOL! It's the logistics of co-habituating. Sex, personal space and my ingrain fear of becoming "boring" or overextending my welcome with your husband and son are the issues. Sex is definitely a big thing LOL! We'll find our way.

As far as being alone goes..I am completely comfortable with it. I have a strong connection to myself and can feel connected to others around me without ever knowing them. In most cases I prefer not to know lots of people, I have always been a person who has a very small group of close friends.

The question for me is..is the need to "not be alone" a common theme among poly folks? Is this one of the defining differences between a monogamous wiring and polyamorous wiring?

I definitely feel poly people are more connected to the world as a whole and more concerned about people in general. I see it and feel it. The difference in the social views of my poly friends and mono friends is generally pretty big...hmmm time for some processing I think

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 08-06-2009 at 03:01 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 08-06-2009, 03:00 PM
Barry Barry is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 35
Default Being Alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Barry I'm gonna go ahead and look into the autism thing anyway, if that's ok with you.
YGirl,

That makes perfect sense to me. But.......even if it didn't, it's your question, and you need to find the answer. Unanswered questions have a way of popping up over and over and over. They never seem to go away until we face them. Kinda like the process I am going through with polyamory.

Barry
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 08-06-2009, 03:05 PM
Barry Barry is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 35
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post

I definitely feel poly people are more connected to the world as a whole and more concerned about people in general. I see it and feel it.
Hi Mono,

You are so right. Poly people are more connected. The content of this thread supports that. Why is that? :-) Whatever the reason, I'm glad I'm here.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 08-06-2009, 03:48 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Another question from a different perspective; Are poly people inherently more lonely than mono people and is that a contributing factor in wanting/needing more loves?
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 08-06-2009, 04:14 PM
River's Avatar
River River is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 1,894
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Are poly people inherently more lonely than mono people and is that a contributing factor in wanting/needing more loves?
Some poly people may be more lonely than some mono people, but on average? I strongly doubt it.

What most poly people probably share in common is doubt about the possibility of any one person meeting all of our intimacy needs (or desires), and skepticism toward the commonly held belief that the only appropriate or proper way to meet our intimacy needs/desires is within the structure of monogamy.

Some will say to this, "But you can have very close friends with whom you don't share sexual intimacy..." (bla bla bla).... But I respond to this with "Why should I not also include physical and sexual intimacy, if my partners and I want that and it's okay with everyone with whom I'm involved "romantically"?

In any case, I don't think poly folk are, on average, any more "needy" or "greedy" than mono folk, or any more lonely, etc. We may be more adventurous, curious, and given to questioning social conventions, however!
__________________
bi, partnered, available

River's Blog
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 08-06-2009, 10:22 PM
Barry Barry is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 35
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Another question from a different perspective; Are poly people inherently more lonely than mono people and is that a contributing factor in wanting/needing more loves?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post

In any case, I don't think poly folk are, on average, any more "needy" or "greedy" than mono folk, or any more lonely, etc. We may be more adventurous, curious, and given to questioning social conventions, however!

You guys sure aren't afraid to ask the big questions. :-) There has to be specific factors involved in desiring a poly life style. If there wasn't we would not be such a unique minority. But what those factors are eludes me. I can identify with being adventurous, curious and for sure a bit rebellious when it comes to social conventions. I do think I am more lonely, but lonely for very specific types of people, and relish the possibility of being loved by more than one person on a deep level. Whatever the reasons my direction is clear.

Barry
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 08-07-2009, 03:34 PM
Lemondrop's Avatar
Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 305
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Myself, I prefer to be alone as opposed to keeping up the kind of energy required in social situations. Although I am loud and gregarious, I like to be able to escape from a situation at the drop of a hat. Therefore (and for other reasons) I don't tend to have people over to my house except maybe one or two at a time with long periods in between. When we go camping as part of a group or where there are group activities (such as dinner), I prefer to keep to myself until most of the people have left. It's not that I am shy in large groups, but i feel as though i'm expected to contribute something and if I'm "quiet" i get asked "what's the matter" a lot. I like having my husband around, but he likes social situations more than I do so I am perfectly OK with him going out to bars and other events without me. Then I ask him "How was it?" I used to think I was a people-person but trying to live up to that image was very stressful. When I let go of that and acknowledged my anti-social disposition, I felt really relieved. My husband (and also my "other guy" who I don't see now) thinks I'm a high-functioning autistic / Asperger's, but I have not sought a professional opinion about this yet. The internet gives me a level of interaction that I can tolerate and remain in touch with people. It's not so much PEOPLE that I mind, just having them around constantly is kind of irksome to me.

Time to leave work now. See you's when I get home.
Yup. That's me. Even down to the social husband.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:50 AM.