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Old 09-02-2010, 05:29 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 373
Default Where do we fit in?

I came to this site because my marriage is not conventional and we hit a snag. As I read some of the threads on here, I am confused and don't know if I'm in the right forum or if there even IS a forum for my relationship.

My husband and I have an open marriage. I see many threads on here the go on and on about the importance of trust and communication. I completely agree and these two well repeated foundations are in line with what we are dealing with. Then we come to the points on wanting your partner to be happy and be happy yourself. Right there with you still.

But we are not seeking an external love relationship with anyone but each other. I don't know if I would ever be happy and he says he too would not likely be made happy at the idea of either of us cultivating love outside of our primary bond.

So where do we turn when we hit a bump or snag? Is everyone on this site trying to convey they only have sex that includes love and commitment? Is this some way of trying to get your lifestyle to be more palatable to conventional folks? Like when we were in high school and everyone cared too much who everyone else was having sex with while using the justification for our own sexual activities to be that we were in love and that made it okay?

I am aware that a love bond can be forged out of physical interactions and pleasure, but I have also enjoyed sex that did not include love. My friends are my friends because I enjoy their company, but I don't have sex with my friends and I don't romantically love my friends. I have never experienced misplaced or "forbidden" love. I have never been in love with two people before nor wanted to.

We are clear about things with the people we have seen. We do not restrict ourselves to ONS only and have a set of rules we both felt would be reassuring. Still, this is new to us and we'd love to have a place to look to for guidance while navigating our newish circumstances.

I realize this kind of circumstance is a fluid one and that no one can really predict where it will lead to in life. We both are people who think with our heads more than our hearts, but who knows - maybe we will be different in the future. Maybe it will lead us to poly and we will live our last years shacked up with another fully incorporated couple. For now though, where do we fit in?
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