NRE Deflection

One of my partners just started a long distance relationship with a new person. Of course they are all glowing with NRE and it's had some fun benefits for our relationship. My concern is that I feel like this is not energy intended for me, since the actual new partner is not around and sometimes I feel like it will have unintended consequences. I haven't had a check in with my partner about it yet because I am still formulating my thoughts and feelings about it and this is probably the first time I have actually been able to formulate my thoughts in the way I have above. My partner knows I have concerns about it, we just haven't had a big processing discussion about it yet.

We have been through similar phases before when one of us has started a new relationship, but in those cases we more so talked and processed than just took advantage of the NRE for ourselves. Maybe the way we are handling it this time is actually a healthier way to do it.

I am sure other folks have been through this before so if anyone has any feedback or advice I'm all ears.

My question is what consequences are you afraid it will have?

And I've absolutely had NRE bleed over into other relationships...my polycule enjoys it. What we don't enjoy is when someone gets ignored because NRE has taken over.

Hello Vij,

NRE can be a mixed package: some good, some bad. The good part is when some of it is deflected into the older/existing relationship, there is usually plenty to go around so everybody wins. The bad part is when one partner gets so caught up in it that they unwittingly start to neglect their older/existing partner. It can go either way.

Personally I think you should talk about it with your partner. Especially if you have any concerns. Just out of curiosity, what kinds of unintended consequences do you think it might have? Hopefully the two of you can work things out.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

The NRE is part of your partner. What is there to process? Enjoy.

I understand what NRE (mostly) is but what kind of negative consequences is the NRE having on YOUR relationship?

I am thinking about how my GF is all giddy now because she has J. It makes her happy and she's even more fun to be around now. As long as she doesn't ignore me, I like seeing her happy.

And how long does this NRE typically last?

Marc

Re:

"And how long does this NRE typically last?"

Click to expand...

Anywhere from three months to three years. More commonly from six months to two years.

Hey everyone, sorry I've been absent, I've been out on summer trips with my partners and also travelled for work a bit, and I've been too focused on that to come back to reply here.

Everything is fine with this, and really there was nothing to be concerned about. We talked about it, like we talk about everything and both of us are on the same page that it's not a big deal and we should just have fun with it.

The main difference between this and other times either of us has started a relationship is that this new thing is a long distance situation, so they can't spend their NRE on their new partner like they would be able to with a local relationship. I'm used to dealing with NRE from the side where when a partner starts a new relationship, I can just give them space and be intentional with the time we spend together, and I just get a little extra time for other things in life. So it's a new twist and a new growing experience for our relationship.

Hi Vij, thanks for that update, it sounds like you were able to talk things out with your partner, and resolve the NRE problem. It can be a real puzzler when a new thing is a long-distance situation, after all do you take away *all* of the NRE from that person, or how do you save some for them? so I am glad you were able to work things out.