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Old 09-01-2010, 06:41 PM
Andy4700's Avatar
Andy4700 Andy4700 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Southern Minnesota, USA
Posts: 56
Default Sort of new to Poly - Looking for input/thoughts/comments

Hello everyone,

I am looking to bounce something off the Poly community here and just get some feedback.

I posted an abridged version of this on a traditional relationship advice board and got an overwheming negative response. A member there suggested this forum. I am going to expand a bit on the topic, because I feel/hope you folks are more on the same mental wavelength as me.

I am 26. I am marred. No children and we are not planning to have any. We have been together 7 years. Our relationship is the first serious relationship for both of us.

I love my wife. We are a great couple. We get along great for the most part, have the same ideas, values, goals in life, etc. So seperating isn't a good option.

Problem is I have the desire to explore other women. My wife and I have talked about this a lot over the past few years. She isn't offended or upset by it. She knows I love her and am not trying to make up for something she is lacking. She has said she would be okay with me having a "girlfriend" as long as certain points were kept in mind, and that we keep the honest lines of communication that we have now open so if her feeling would change, I would know about it and could address whatever she didn't like.

I know a bit about Poly, but only from reading articals on the internet. I would really like to make some friends in the Poly world and get to know more about how things really work.

I don't know if my ideal situation would fit within the poly world very well, but I am hoping to get some feedback on that.

I don't just want sex. Sure, I would like to be able to have sex with a girlfriend, but I am seeking much more. I want to be like friends with benifits, but with heavy emphsis on the friendship part. I want to do other things with her too, not just play in bed. If I just wanted sex it would be easy to hit the bars and take a few girls home for a night I suppose. But I don't want that at all, because A., I want to know her really well before we sleep together, B., I want to sleep with her more then once, and C. I want to hear about her day at work, I want her to come over and hang out if she's bored, I want to have lunch with her now and then, basically be part of her life, even if the relationship is kept away from her friends and family. I don't approve at all of lying, cheating, misleading/using women.

I am a bit open as to her situation too. But I won't cheat. She has to be single or in an open relationship of some sort. Everyone involved has to be okay with everything. I would guess thats a standard value in the Poly world.

Since I can't marry her, I don't expect her to stay with me forever. As long as everything is clear from the get go, I am not going to be angry with her if she comes to me and says she met someone that she may have a future with and we have to end our relationship. That was the deal from the beginning. I wanted an experiance and she gave me one. I think I could let go without to many problems as long as I knew she was happy.

Does this sort of thing sound sort of normal in the Poly world? Or am I just dreaming.

I can't make a girlfriend as big a part of my life as my wife. She is not okay with that. The girlfriend would get ot enjoy my friendship and company for whatever length of time she wanted, but would have to know I can't be her prince charming and ride off into the sunset with her.

I know finding a girl for this could be impossible. But I am just wondering if the idea is as abserd as I am beginning to think it might be. Or maybe some here can share similar experiences.

My wife is not bi either. I guess the relationship would be called a V? I am still new to the slang. She said she thinks she could be friends with the girl, but isn't interested in playing with her sexually.
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