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Old 08-30-2010, 03:11 AM
unconventional unconventional is offline
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Pardon my ignorance, just looking for the short answer.

Wife is not really interested in sex much anymore. She's given me permission to be with other women here and there. Is this polyamory?

I did google it and read the wiki. But was wondering if it's like this.

2 couples. guys agree to switch wifes, and vice versa. Or is it whoever wants to be with whoever is not a problem as long as everyone is cool with it and there is no lying and all that.

Thanks, Kevin
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Old 08-30-2010, 03:14 AM
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CandiGurl CandiGurl is offline
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Openness and honesty is of course a must,
But I think usually polyamory consists of love as well. Its not just a quick screw here, one night stand here, its more like you love your wife and your gf (or bf depending!)
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Old 08-30-2010, 03:17 AM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unconventional View Post
Pardon my ignorance, just looking for the short answer.

Wife is not really interested in sex much anymore. She's given me permission to be with other women here and there. Is this polyamory?

I did google it and read the wiki. But was wondering if it's like this.

2 couples. guys agree to switch wifes, and vice versa. Or is it whoever wants to be with whoever is not a problem as long as everyone is cool with it and there is no lying and all that.

Thanks, Kevin
That's more akin to wife-swapping or swinging, as I understand it.

Polyamory is being involved in a relationship with more than one person at a time, not just having sex. For example, while I am currently only involved with my wife, and would therefore be in a monoamorous relationship, she has a boyfriend, and is thus in a polyamorous relationship. If at some point I get together with the girl I like at work, then both of us would be in poly relationships.

So the question would seem to be: does your wife allow you to only have sex outside sole romantic relationship or does she allow you to pursue a fully romantice relationship with other women? If the former, then that is not polyamory, if the latter it is.
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Old 08-30-2010, 03:19 AM
unconventional unconventional is offline
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Well there lies what I'm primarily looking for. I mean there's craigslist and then there's some of us who would prefer just 1 partner to be intimate with here and there. More of a friends who actually care about each other.

I'm a lover. I can go and rent a hooker easily. But I prefer to love a woman rather than **** her. Understand?
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Old 08-30-2010, 03:27 AM
Ragabash Ragabash is offline
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Then it would sound like you're interested in a poly relationship, and I would recommend discussing that with your wife, because her saying you can "permission to be with other women here and there" sounds more like she wants you just to have some sexual release.

I'm going to be honest with you, though, I think the best course of action might be therapy, either individual or couples, to help your wife find out why she has lost interest in sex. If she's have problems with depression or other illness that can impact the libido it is best to not simply ignore it, for the sake of your relationship and her health.
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Old 08-30-2010, 03:28 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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.....find out as much info as possible and discuss in more detail with your wife. She will tell you what she is comfortable with. From there you can decide the level of intimacy, and boundaries. Then, you`ll know what you are looking for. good luck.

Last edited by SourGirl; 08-30-2010 at 03:31 AM.
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Old 08-30-2010, 03:46 AM
unconventional unconventional is offline
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Well here's the deal. Wife and I do still have sex. We have good sex. However I have an appetite for sex that goes beyond what most people would consider normal. Now I'm not fisting myself 100 times a day. I could care less about that. My wife understands that and has no problem with me being with other women.

Wife changed after baby, bla bla. You've heard it all before. See I love my wife, but I would also love to find one woman in a similar situation as myself. See, I can get all the women I want on craigslist, but I don't want that. I am not a normal guy. When I have intimacy with a woman, it's about it meaning something. I'm more of a woman than a guy in that respect. So I figured that women involved in this sort of lifestyle perhaps would be better suited for me than just your typical "hook up".
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Old 08-30-2010, 07:43 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I had a relationship with a man like you once. I met him on POF and we started a sexual friendship that included my husband. He told us that his wife didn't want sex any more and that she said he could go and find lovers to satisfy him when she couldn't/wouldn't. This went on for some time and then I found out that we actually had fallen in love. My husband gave his consent for us to see each other on our own and he wanted that too. He hadn't told his wife though and I told him I wouldn't continue until he did.

Well, he did tell his wife and she hit the roof and I didn't hear from him again. I was heart broken and distraught. He found me a month later and told me via email that she had not consented to his loving another, just fucking another. She had not been clear and this was the end of "us."

I would be very careful with this line you tread. I was very hurt as I thought he was poly. I have been hurt by others too who say they are poly and are either swingers or open. Open does not imply love, its just an arrangement so as to have sex.

The thing is that emotions happen regardless. Make damned sure that you talk to her about that fact before moving ahead. Sex makes loving thoughts as hormones change and love arises sometimes as a result. It sounds like you want to be able to love, but your wife just wants you to find other ways to have sex. complications could very well arise from that.
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