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Old 08-28-2010, 07:07 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Apparently though, to answer you question. It is actually very common in some communities to have group sex. There is a community that I know of that make it a monthly event! So.... you are not alone it seems.
I guess I don't understand the appeal of that. I can see having group sex in a network that is all one large poly tangle. In terms of having group sex just because folks are in a social group because they're poly--though not part of the same tangle--seems to me to be a swinging event for those so inclined in the poly social circle. I'd really have to wonder why anybody involved would be upset that somebody else isn't interested in swinging. (Unless I'm misunderstanding you and nobody actually got upset.)

We are poly and open, so I'm free to have casual sex with any babe I care to talk into getting nekkid. I can't say as I'd find the whole group of poly folk I know an enticing set of partners for sex play. I'd be seriously puzzled if some of them got together for an orgy and assumed that everybody else wanted to get involved. I would find that incredibly odd.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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Old 09-06-2013, 09:23 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Location: CA, U.S.A.
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
The community I am in has had sex parties where my friends got together and had group sex. Here is a link to a thread on it http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1995

I was completely overwhelmed by my feelings on it. I felt left out and astounded that they would want to do such a thing and that they wanted me to join them. Instead of love and acceptance I felt horror. I realize now that it was because of how I connect when I am sexual with someone. Also my past experiences catching up with me.

The thought of connecting with all of them on that level was overwhelming and unappealing. As well as just not possible. I would have to shut off myself in order to achieve the act of sex, as I had when I was a swinger for a short time. It isn't my idea of a good time unless its with people I want to connect to in that way. I relied on my community to be just that, community. It was akin to fucking the guy who bagged my groceries last night and I had a nice conversation with. Ya he was interesting and we bonded over the windy weather, but that was it... no other attraction other than a warm feeling of commonality.

I was afraid that my response to the event would mean losing friends and I was devastated as I had invested in friendships and the new community that I was growing to love as a whole. As it turned out there was a bit of backlash for some, a bit of sealed relationships that happened and a whole lot of moving on. I worked through my issues and got right back on the horse with my community before letting my lack of self esteem overwhelm me so much that I would lose the investment I had. To my joy people met me half way and accepted my craziness enough to patiently watch as I went through shit...

now it seems we are all good. If they were to have an event like that again I would wince because of my own thoughts, but at least would understand who I am within that and could move on much more easily.

Apparently though, to answer you question. It is actually very common in some communities to have group sex. There is a community that I know of that make it a monthly event! So.... you are not alone it seems.
I'm sorry for bringing this thread back up after almost 4 years, but I have to comment on this.~

This is my biggest fear and some thing I've thought over countless times in my mind.~ There is no "just for sex" thing for me, I'm just not that way and if I can be that way, I don't want to!~ While I would love the idea of going to an orgy, I'm afraid that everyone there wouldn't have the same mindset as me and wouldn't think of it the same way I would.~

That is why I long to be apart of something similar to the whole "Free-Love" movement, the "Free-Love" movement not only meant that you could have sex with anyone you wanted in any way you wanted and with as many as you wanted, but it also meant that you didn't have to be afraid NOT to love absolutely everyone and anyone you had sex with or touched in any way.~

It's OK to love EVERYONE it's OK to love ANYONE there is NO SIZE OR NUMBER LIMIT TO LOVE!~ Just because you love some one doesn't mean you HAVE to be with them FOREVER, it means you can let yourself be emotionally vulnerable, to bear all your soul and self and to never hold back ever with ANYONE you choose!~

A group sexual encounter with everyone having the mindset of "Free Love" is NOT "just an orgy about sex", IT IS "a free-for-all love making with no one holding back and everyone willing to love each other not just for the moment but even AFTER the sex is over".

Sex without any intention or worse prohibition of love is cheap, hollow, horrible, and cold to me.~
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Old 09-07-2013, 10:09 AM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I'm wondering if anyone here has had previous experiences similar to mine, that is with a V, not a triad, and if they could tell me about it? I'm just not sure how it would all work out, and if it would be awkward or what. I mean so far it's been fantastic, but it might be different when we're actually all in the same room/bed. Anyone has any pointers, things to keep in mind?
The relationship now developing in my life was "supposed" to be a V. My wife and my gf have always been straight and never planned to be attracted to each other. Then they were. First light kisses were more innocent and emotional, but the heat between the two of them grew with time. Our first threesome simply grew, naturally, out of a serious make-out session on the couch. We've been moving toward a triad, slowly, but it took us a while to realize that. The threesomes keep getting more intense. But that's not about a V...

I would think that the part of our experience which is relevant is that we rotate through who is the center of attention and being touched by the other two. If you're the middle of the V with two guys who truly aren't going to be touching each other, you'll be getting LOTS of attention - it won't just be about you pleasing them because you can only do so much at one time. If they're okay watching (we do that sometimes, slowing things down by having one person enjoy while the other two being close), it could be really awesome. And you get non-stop attention? Sounds fun.
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