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  #11  
Old 08-25-2010, 04:32 AM
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Majikdancer Majikdancer is offline
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Originally Posted by LoveWarrior View Post
I fixed my envy by driving up to hang out with her. I took her out for dinner and drinks and spent the night. I got the family time I needed. The universe really looked out for me.

Maybe you could arrange a gathering of close friends with whom you share a close bond to help fill the envy gap? It really worked wonders for me.
First I don't drive. So although I have friends it is always up to them to do the driving. Because it is and gas prices as they are I NEVER ask. Second all my "close friends" are either not here this week .. either at camp .. or camping .. or going to AZ ... or they are way back on the east coast.

I think I made the mistake of not making friends out here.. i had tons of friends ... and i had my family here.. but now .. damn ... i am behaving like a 3 year old
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  #12  
Old 08-25-2010, 04:40 AM
LoveWarrior LoveWarrior is offline
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Originally Posted by Majikdancer View Post
First I don't drive. So although I have friends it is always up to them to do the driving. Because it is and gas prices as they are I NEVER ask. Second all my "close friends" are either not here this week .. either at camp .. or camping .. or going to AZ ... or they are way back on the east coast.

I think I made the mistake of not making friends out here.. i had tons of friends ... and i had my family here.. but now .. damn ... i am behaving like a 3 year old
Well, it's never too late to make new friends, is it? Maybe you could go on a local adventure. Meet some people who live closer. Do you have a hobby or something you've been interested in trying?

I've recently taken up crochet to give me something to do in my down time. I just created a huge blanket for my GF, infused with my loving thoughts and energies from the time that we've not been able to see each other. Now, she has a huge hunk of me to keep her warm and secure on those lonely nights. And I have something positive to focus on.. (and will have tons of gifts for people this fall).
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  #13  
Old 08-25-2010, 06:42 AM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
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I do understand how you feel. Being poly can make 'alone' time difficult but truth be told, I don't feel a need for much alone time. If I want to stay home by myself and read for a couple hours one night, or decide for some reason to do something without my other partners, I'm fine. But when they're off doing they're own thing and my friends are all busy leaving no one for me to spend time with, I get irritated big time. If it's not me who initiates the 'alone time' there is resentment there. Of course, I completely own those feelings and do not dump them on anyone or even verbalize it most of the time. It's just me being cranky, my own shit to deal with. No one has ever excluded me or deliberately left me alone, it's just poly families, hell, life in general just gets busy sometimes.

I'm not sure I have any advice that you don't already know. Keep busy, try something new, etc. If I had to offer anything, I guess it would be that it's totally OK to feel bitchy or clingy or jealous or needy or whatever you feel. You own your feelings, they aren't right or wrong, they're just there. What you do with those feelings, how you act on them makes the difference. You can do what I often do, mope around the house for a bit until inspiration strikes for something to amuse myself. But sometimes, you just gotta be miserable and sit around in your PJ's curled up on the couch for a bit waiting for those jerks to call or message you :P
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  #14  
Old 08-26-2010, 06:51 AM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Majikdancer View Post
First I don't drive. So although I have friends it is always up to them to do the driving. Because it is and gas prices as they are I NEVER ask. Second all my "close friends" are either not here this week .. either at camp .. or camping .. or going to AZ ... or they are way back on the east coast.

I think I made the mistake of not making friends out here.. i had tons of friends ... and i had my family here.. but now .. damn ... i am behaving like a 3 year old
See, isn't delurking and getting that support you wanted nice?

To throw my tired and rather belated two cents in, I REALLY isolated myself after I got married. I was happy to spend all my time with my awesome husband. I mean, there are other factors that contributed to my dwindling social circle, but I didn't realize just how small my life had become until we moved about an hour away from where we had been living. My husband was still working in the previous city, so I was home alone by myself a lot, even after I got a job.

Funnily enough, we moved CLOSER to all of our friends... but in doing so I realized the nature of our friendships were not as intimate as I needed. Though I now had people to hang out with, I didn't have people I could count on to support me in the ways I needed to feel happy and whole, and for various reasons those friends were not ever going to fill those needs.

When I finally decided I needed to do something about that cocoon I had created, it propelled me into an amazing journey of self-discovery and relationship building with my husband. My marriage is more mindful, I'm much more vibrant and self-assured, and the great thing is that all the positive energy that comes from that draws people to me like a magnet. So while I haven't precisely found what I have been looking for, I have been occupying myself with meeting new people and having a wonderful time finding out more about myself and others. And the feedback from people has been phenomenal.

If you haven't taken the time to make friends where you are at, I would nudge you to take a step in that direction. At the very least you'll meet some interesting people, and I guarantee that in some probably unrelated and unexpected way, the friends you need will be drawn to you.
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  #15  
Old 08-26-2010, 06:59 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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how about learning how to drive?! Wow, just that opens huge doors! And the actual process of learning will be something to do.
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  #16  
Old 08-27-2010, 12:06 PM
FitChick FitChick is offline
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I think we all find ourselves isolated in one way or another. For example,I am the only one in my family and group of friends that hasn't had children and boy is that painful to deal with. My partner has 4 children and it makes me sad that I don't have that kind of bond. My partner actually suggested to me the other day that I turn the thought around,so instead of thinking what I don't have,focus what I DO have.
It would be good if you could get your driving license because then you will have more freedom to try new things and meet like minded people,not nearly so restrictive
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