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Old 08-26-2010, 04:22 PM
Bibliophile Bibliophile is offline
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6
Default Negotiations..

I'm not sure if this should go here or in the general discussion area. Mods, no worries if you need to move it.

Well, as I said in my introductory post, I've lately started an involvement with a couple. Over the last few weeks, we've been spending more and more time together, but we've only been intimate a couple of times at this point.

In the past, the poly relationships I've been in were pretty simple to work with, just Vees (one was more like an N at one point). I knew, my lovers knew, their lovers knew. We would have a discussion about it, but it was pretty straightforward and so long as we all knew what was going on and were safe about things, no one had any issues.

This, however, is a bit different and I'm not sure how to go about it. I feel emotionally connected to both of them, and they've expressed the same for me. However, even though we've had a few in-depth conversations about boundaries and whatnot, we seem to be only partially on the same page about things. I'll think that we are, and then later someone will say something that shows me I was mistaken.

What it boils down to at this point, judging from our last conversation, is that while A (her) is fine with me being there when they are together, she's not if it is just me and D (him). Nor is she ok with it just being me and her. In her eyes, that would constitute cheating.

From what I've been able to gather, it was her that wanted a "third" brought in. Her previous relationship involved one as well. They've even gone so far as to broach cohabitation in a few years, provided things continue as well as they have been so far. D asked her if that meant, at that point, it would be cheating for him and her to sleep together without me, and she didn't know what to say.

For my part, I enjoy our time together and I don't want to give that up; I've found a closeness in this that I've been lacking. However, I don't really like the idea that from here on out, my sex life is threesomes or nothing. It would be like being told you can only eat pork lo mein. Sure, I like it, but that doesn't mean I don't want lasagne sometimes.

I don't know; at this point I'm trying not to dwell on it and just see how things develop, but there's a part of me that is second-guessing everything I do. I mean, ok, so sex is out, but what about kissing? Cuddling? And yet, I feel as if I ask that, it would be seen as nit-picking her boundaries, so I'm hesitant to do that. She just doesn't want to lose D. I understand. But does she realize that I'm not the enemy here, and that if I let myself get any more emotionally involved, I stand to lose just as much as she does if this implodes?

Ok, I'm through venting. Thanks for reading, I'm off to work. If you have any words of wisdom, I'd love to hear them.
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