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Old 08-22-2010, 03:54 PM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 84

Confused, I really like what you've written. I agree that it is important to keep the balance of positive to negative conversations in check. I've knocked the balance out of whack more than once in my relationship, so I can attest to the extra strain that creates.

I also agree with trying to do your best concerning timing with regards to the head space that your partner is in.
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Old 08-25-2010, 07:34 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,448

I propose that when you TALK too much, you cease COMMUNICATING.

I know that when I go on and on and on and on about something, my husband's brain goes "AHHHHHH STOP PLEASE STOP" and he no longer hears my content, just "whahn whahn whahn" like the grown-ups in Charlie Brown.

Part of communication is to allow time for the words to sit and stew. Unless both people come from backgrounds of lots and lots of talking, then at least one person needs time to synthesize and absorb the conversation.

I like the "boy who cried wolf" that someone mentioned. I think that as long as you bring up small issues in a casual way, it's ok to talk about everything. What you want to avoid is:
Her: "Ok, we need to sit down and have a talk"
His brain: "Oh great, here we go again"
Her: "Yesterday, you left a plate in the sink. You know how much it bothers me when you do that, and we need to come up with a solution"
His brain: "Is she fucking serious? We're having a sit-down family discussion over a god-damned plate? WTF!"
His mouth: "uhh, ok"
Her: "whahn whahn whahn whahn whahn"
His brain: "Is she almost finished? I'm missing the game and I gotta take a leak. Why the hell did I marry this psycho? All she ever does is bitch me out. Oh crap, she's looking at me like I'm supposed to say something."
His mouth: "You're right honey, I'll try to do that from now on. I'm sorry I upset you."
His brain: "I have no idea what I just agreed to, but she seems satisfied and at least she shut-up. Maybe I can still catch the last quarter."
Her brain: "I'm really glad we had this talk. It's so good that we communicate and open up to each other. It really makes us more intimate."

Her: "Hey hon, can you try to put your dishes in the dishwasher when you're finished eating?"
Him: "Oh whoops, thought I did. Yep, sorry."
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 08-25-2010 at 08:06 AM.
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