Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-22-2010, 01:40 PM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Clearwater, Fl.
Posts: 907

I tried to grasp this....but I think my head exploded.
Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2010, 07:11 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,447

Wow, I had to draw a diagram to figure that out...

So S2 is the person who's moving, and S2 is P2's secondary, and P2 is S's primary, and S is your secondary?

And the question is, should P2 choose between his secondary relationship S, or S's secondary relationship with you?

First of all, this isn't remotely as simple as "whose secondary relationship is more important". It's not like you're planning a date night, you're talking about uprooting 2 people who have no reason to move other than following someone's girlfriend out to timbuktu.

Simple math says that if S and P2 move to be closer to S2, then more lives will be severely disrupted than if just S2 moves. S and P2's lives will be directly affected as they have to find new homes, jobs, and doctors etc. Your life will be affected as you lose your secondary, which will affect your primary too.

I agree with two previous posts: this decision is purely between S and P2, and that the primaries need to put themselves first. They need to do what's right for their life together, their futures in terms of career and lifestyle and finances, and for the people they love.

If P2&S2's relationship is already such that they consider it secondary instead of equal, then why would P2 want to uproot his primary partner just to follow S2? That seems to indicate that S2 is more important to P2 than S is.

The only way I would ever consider following my husband's girlfriend across the country was if she was so filthy rich that neither my husband nor I would ever have to work again, and we could pursue our life's interests and hobbies, and fly back home whenever we had a whim to see our family and friends.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:49 PM.