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Old 08-22-2010, 01:40 PM
TL4everu2's Avatar
TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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I tried to grasp this....but I think my head exploded.
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  #12  
Old 08-25-2010, 07:11 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Wow, I had to draw a diagram to figure that out...

So S2 is the person who's moving, and S2 is P2's secondary, and P2 is S's primary, and S is your secondary?

And the question is, should P2 choose between his secondary relationship S, or S's secondary relationship with you?

First of all, this isn't remotely as simple as "whose secondary relationship is more important". It's not like you're planning a date night, you're talking about uprooting 2 people who have no reason to move other than following someone's girlfriend out to timbuktu.

Simple math says that if S and P2 move to be closer to S2, then more lives will be severely disrupted than if just S2 moves. S and P2's lives will be directly affected as they have to find new homes, jobs, and doctors etc. Your life will be affected as you lose your secondary, which will affect your primary too.

I agree with two previous posts: this decision is purely between S and P2, and that the primaries need to put themselves first. They need to do what's right for their life together, their futures in terms of career and lifestyle and finances, and for the people they love.

If P2&S2's relationship is already such that they consider it secondary instead of equal, then why would P2 want to uproot his primary partner just to follow S2? That seems to indicate that S2 is more important to P2 than S is.

The only way I would ever consider following my husband's girlfriend across the country was if she was so filthy rich that neither my husband nor I would ever have to work again, and we could pursue our life's interests and hobbies, and fly back home whenever we had a whim to see our family and friends.
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

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