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Old 08-24-2010, 03:15 PM
Wellington Wellington is offline
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Default Not so willing Wellington and the story of his conversion.

Hi everyone, I am Mark and I am new to this thing called Poly. I came into this reluctantly. For me, initially when my wife mentioned it, this lifestyle choice seemed like a huge stretch. A little hard to wrap my mind around, it wasn't something that I had ever considered. It had simply never crossed my mind. I wouldn't think that I had the energy for it at any rate, if it had crossed my mind.

A little background on myself may help here. I live with 2 invisible disabilities. An auto-immune disease called Ankylosing spondalitis, which affects me profoundly. Spine is fusing, SI joints are fused, ribs are fused, periferal joints are compromised, lovely little boney growths on elbows and knees, ligaments, eyesight is slightly affected. Basically my immune system decided my skeletal structure and ligature were foreign bodies and started calcification of said foreign bodies. Range of motion is compromised as is my ability for movement. Pain is my everpresent companion. He wears me out. I am on some fairly aggressive treatment which slows the progression of the illness but there is no cure. Then there is my heart disease, two heart attacks last year that left me with a damaged ticker and more meds...don't get me started on side effects....lol. I have great days and some not so great days. I look like nothing is wrong with me most days, but I do wear out as the day progresses....less energy for things I'll get more to the point in a sec.
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Old 08-24-2010, 03:30 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I think I saw a documentary about someone with that condition some years ago. I can't even imagine what it must be to live with that.

Welcome to the forum.
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Old 08-24-2010, 03:39 PM
Wellington Wellington is offline
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So...as I was saying....not much energy towards the end of the day. Enter my wife....energetic, vivacious, sexual...and I have no energy on a regular basis...sucks to be her if you know what I mean. MBG and I have developed in the past few years a great relationship...we talk all the time about everything. She starts mentioning that she has needs that I am not meeting....understandable, tough to hear, but understandable. She wants to open our marriage, explore relationships with other people. Now, while I understood this.....I wasn't ready for that step. The seed however, had been planted and she came back every now and then to see where I was on it. She talked lots about it.....how we could both benefit from it...she could get what she needs...I would be less pressured. Eventually I started looking at it in a different light and then the day after meeting some incredible people I recognized that I would be okay with opening things up for my wife. I certainly didn't think that I would ever meet anyone. I don't post on forums, I'm usually shy, generally I don't put myself out there....my wife, MBG does.

So what happens after months of convincing me to open things up for her? She has had difficulty connecting with those she is attracted to. Me? I, of all people, connected in a big way with someone very special to me. I wasn't looking for it....it just happened. My wife had prepared herself to support me through my difficult time of adjustment to her new relationships and had never entertained the possibility of it happening to her. She was totally unprepared for, had never even considered that she would be the one needing the support.
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Old 08-24-2010, 03:41 PM
Wellington Wellington is offline
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Thank you for the welcome Neonkaos
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Old 08-24-2010, 03:53 PM
Wellington Wellington is offline
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We have lots of talks. Not easy ones either, but things need to be worked through....she works through things differently than I do...like a writer doing rough drafts working towards a final edit...but talking instead of writing through the rough drafts...working on what is being said until sometimes hours later getting to a resolution. It's tough....I don't work like that...get to the point....say what you mean....but I sit there and listen, doing my best to understand...to be supportive while she works through what she is saying....not always succeeding.....but in the end , we do get there. With her it's kind of like an onion.....peel back one layer...and there's another one...work through that one....damn, another layer But things are getting better..slowly...still not easy, but easier...this journey of poly is at same time, the easiest and the hardest thing I have ever done.....the simplest and the most complex. I am enjoying the good stuff...learning from the rest and always remembering....to love.
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Old 08-24-2010, 04:51 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Oh my love... you forgot to mention the PMS insanity

I love you and we WILL get through this. We talked about my ideal - and I am working towards that.

Love you
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Old 08-24-2010, 04:59 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
Oh my love... you forgot to mention the PMS insanity
Shit didn't you just have that? Does it last the entire month

Quote:
I love you and we WILL get through this. We talked about my ideal - and I am working towards that.
If you read my blog you will see what I wrote about expectations. Try to create an environment where you have an ideal or expectation makes the failure of that even more traumatic.

Try to be as fluid wiyth your wants and needs as possible and you might surprise yourself. As a unicorn hunting threesome lover, I would never have expecting to get involved with a beautiful woman who has a husband. If I have limited myself to my ideal, I wouldn't have that opportunity in front of me
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Old 08-24-2010, 05:05 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Shit didn't you just have that? Does it last the entire month
Once a month *sigh* but this month seems to have gone by exceptionally fast....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
If you read my blog you will see what I wrote about expectations. Try to create an environment where you have an ideal or expectation makes the failure of that even more traumatic.

Try to be as fluid wiyth your wants and needs as possible and you might surprise yourself. As a unicorn hunting threesome lover, I would never have expecting to get involved with a beautiful woman who has a husband. If I have limited myself to my ideal, I wouldn't have that opportunity in front of me
At this point - if I don't have *something* to work towards -the unknown will make me crazy(ier). The *something* is simply peace. My ideal is peace. Comfortable in my skin and in how I process things. Right now - its a freaking rollercoaster and I need for that to relax. Oh oh! Remember that Sunday you wanted to go home? That's pretty much my ideal - everyone just enjoying everyone's company.
__________________
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create


My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

Jane
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Old 08-24-2010, 05:10 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wellington View Post
Then there is my heart disease, two heart attacks last year that left me with a damaged ticker and more meds...don't get me started on side effects....lol.
My dad had 2 heart attacks before turning 33. He had to have 7 bypasses when he was 35 (back when it was still a new thing). He went another 25+ years before it started causing trouble again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wellington View Post
We have lots of talks. Not easy ones either, but things need to be worked through....she works through things differently than I do...like a writer doing rough drafts working towards a final edit...but talking instead of writing through the rough drafts...working on what is being said until sometimes hours later getting to a resolution. It's tough....I don't work like that...get to the point....say what you mean....but I sit there and listen, doing my best to understand...to be supportive while she works through what she is saying....not always succeeding.....but in the end , we do get there. With her it's kind of like an onion.....peel back one layer...and there's another one...work through that one....damn, another layer But things are getting better..slowly...still not easy, but easier...this journey of poly is at same time, the easiest and the hardest thing I have ever done.....the simplest and the most complex. I am enjoying the good stuff...learning from the rest and always remembering....to love.
And you sit there trying to come up with a solution as she is talking, before she ever gets to the true problem . The problem is that she doesn't even know what the problem truely is until she starts talking about it and as she talks she starts gaining an understanding herself. I like your rough draft analogy, I'd like to use that to help my husband understand why I do the same thing. It is awsome that you get this about her.
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