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Old 08-23-2010, 03:10 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

Originally Posted by nautilus View Post
Shared my partner with another woman, my body rejecting intimacy with him now. Help! Why?

I figured I'd chime in on here as I have also experienced this shutting down of my body with Redpepper especially early in our relationship; I can create it almost at will as sad as that might sound.

The difference for me is it is not the actual "seeing her" with someone else but imagining her with someone else. I believe the affects are similar so I'll share my thoughts.

This comes down to two words for me; Connection and Energy.
My thought is that the shock of seeing your partner with another has damaged your connection. It's that connection that enables the flow of energy between you and your husband to be healthy and free flowing. That stream of energy includes friendship emotions, romantic love emotions and a desire to share yourself sexually.

I've found, through experience, that my ability to have sex with a person I love is dependant on much higher criteria than sex with a complete stranger. There is an expectation beyond physical rewards when having sex with some one I love. To me it is a spiritual connection where energy transfer is the true pleasure and driving motivation. When I don't feel that free flowing energy I know there is something wrong; that I am disconnected and I feel as though I don't deserve to sexually express affection to her because I am not feeling that kind of love for her in that moment.

I found having causual sex with some one I don't love to be very difficult....having sex with someone I love but am not connected to is virtually impossible...I'm impotent in those moments.

My energy ends up being contained within myself almost like the image of a completely full glass of water that rises above the rim. To release that flow you have to break the surface tension. This is what me and Redpepper have had to do in the past but it really requires me to open up and tell her what I am feeling. Sometimes I just get her to put her hand over my chest and I visualize the flow of energy slowly trickling into her hand as I breath.

I'm not sure any of this helps and it is definitely based on how I work so it might not have a drop of relevance. Regardless, I hope you are doing better and can start enjoying your partner completely again.

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 08-23-2010 at 09:33 PM.
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